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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not quash my ds aspirations?

81 replies

Isthisoneleft · 04/08/2013 08:43

My 8 year old ds when asked the question what he wants to be when he grows up responds:

I want to go to University to study sport, and become a professional footballer, if I can't become a professional footballer I am going to be a train driver and play football in my spare time.

He will no longer answer the question when asked anymore. Because adults laugh at him when he says he's going to become a professional footballer and tell him he lacks ambition and is boring to want to be a train driver.

It breaks my heart to see his face when he has his dreams crushed. I personally think it's an absolutely acceptable aspiration to have.

AIBU to think that others should either keep their mouths shut or offer supportive murmurings? There is a long time before he's a grown up and he may change his mind many times before he gets there, but whatever he chooses to do and achieves I will fully support him.

What do your children want to be when grown up? And do you ever talk them out of any suggestions? If so, why?

OP posts:
mum2bubble · 04/08/2013 09:32

At least becoming a train driver is attainable in terms of a 'dream' job. I know one - and he absolutely loves his job - how many people can say that? Keep supporting his dreams Smile

Squitten · 04/08/2013 09:33

DS1 is 4 and is OBSESSED with trains - has been since he was 2. He often says that he would like to be a train driver and we've suggested that if he wants to build trains and tracks, he might like to be a train engineer. We just tell him that he has to work really hard at school and learn all his letters and numbers.

I think you are absolutely right - encouragment to work towards whatever it is that they want at this age is a good thing.

cozietoesie · 04/08/2013 09:35

....Youngest wants to be a giraffe.....

I'm still laughing.

I think they should keep their mouths shut. 'What do you want to be when you grown up?' is, in my mind, a particularly awful thing to say to kids and I would never ask it

If the information was volunteered that someone wanted to be a deep sea diver, or a rodeo rider or ....or.... I would simply say 'Um' and move on. There's nothing worse for a kid than having early thoughts either derided or constantly brought up (with related birthday and Xmas presents) for the next 10 or 15 years.

kalidanger · 04/08/2013 09:38

If ds wants to be a footballer he should be out playing football now. These people are, to a wo/man, obsessed. It's so hard, and so competitive that one can't be half-arsed about it. Take it from someone who's read Steven Gerrard's autobiography Wink

But I agree it's U to squish on a kid's dream. Wanting to be a professional dinosaur is utterly cute but perpetuating an air of "Hah, no darling, don't be ridiculous" is quite damaging, I think.

afromom · 04/08/2013 09:41

My DS want to be a professional footballer too. Nobody has laughed at this but several have asked him what if that doesn't happen as you know most don't make it! When asked he looks them straight in the eye and says "well it has to happen as I need to be the one to earn the money to open my zoo with my friend! You see he is going to university to become a vet and I am earning the money as a footballer to pay for the zoo!"
They have had this plan for the past 3 years - they are 9 now. Anyone who dared laugh at this idea would get short shrift from both of them Grin

raisah · 04/08/2013 09:42

How wonderful he has thought it through & come up with a plan A & B and keeping his options open by wabting to go to university. How many footballers do you know of have a degree?

The next time somebody puts him down they should be reminded of how they would get to work/ go on holiday if nobody wanted to be a train driver & wanted to be brain surgeons instead. Idiots.

afromom · 04/08/2013 09:43

I just had a thought, OP maybe you DS would like to contribute his professional football earnings and then drive a train taking people around the zoo! Grin

rosy71 · 04/08/2013 09:43

Ds1 is 8 and would like to be a train driver. It's a good job; some get paid quite a bit (£36-42K) and no need to run up loads of debt at university!

feelingood · 04/08/2013 09:49

thats awful

its get to have A AMBITION at all, it will change many times before he makes serious decisions.

feelingood · 04/08/2013 09:49

AN

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 04/08/2013 09:50

That's awful to laugh at an 8year old's career aspirations, whatever they may be (i love the giraffe!).

Yes, if they're 16 and still desperate to be a rocket scientist but rubbish at science then it might be time to have a gentle discussion about similar alternatives that suit their skill set but that's way off.

At 8 any dream they have should be encouraged and, frankly, sounds like you're son has more of a plan than many adults. No doubt those same adults who laugh at him are the type of people who also sit around at dinner parties and deride the lack of ambition in the 'youth of today'...

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 04/08/2013 09:50

Agh! Your, not you're!

AnythingNotEverything · 04/08/2013 09:51

I think I want to be a giraffe when I grow up.

lastnightidreamt · 04/08/2013 09:53

I would never reply to any other child's dreams negatively, but with my own DS, I am a bit more circumspect.

He wants to be a professional sportsman, and is fairly talented and certainly very committed. However, as much as we would all love him to succeed, he does need to be realistic, and not give up on his school work. This is going to be his most likely way of getting a job eventually.

We just always tell him to have a back-up plan.....I'm sure he resents us for this and doesn't listen to a word of it!

ChippingInHopHopHop · 04/08/2013 10:09

lastnight - how old is your DS?

Some people just need shooting... they'd get told if they said something negative in my earshot!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 04/08/2013 10:10

My dd wants to be a doctor, a fairy and a ballerina. She has it all planned out which she will do on which days. I tell her to be a ballerina she needs to listen well at Baby Ballet and do what Miss L says and to be a doctor she needs to listen well at pre school and do what Mrs X tells her to. Haven't yet figured out how she can become a fairy!

She has it all planned what she is doing on different days including having a day off on Sundays so we can go to the pub for Sunday lunch.

She's 3 at the moment so plenty of time for realism. (Although as her parents have 6 grade As at maths and science A levels between them being a doctor is not unrealistic.)

HollyBerryBush · 04/08/2013 10:12

You need to manage expectations realistically without quashing ambition.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 04/08/2013 10:23

Well if my DD wants to be a giraffe I'll do whatever I can to support her in that! Grin

I'm still pissed off that I was discouraged from doing an art foundation course in favour of "something academic". I probably/possibly might have followed it with something academic but I'm desperately sad that I didn't have that experience and am looking into ways to achieve it now. Think I'm looking at a good few years down the line, though. Sad

Dayshiftdoris · 04/08/2013 10:23

My son wanted to be Sportacus for a long time... He dressed as him, ate like him & was him! Then a nursery assistant told him he was being 'stupid' and he had to be more sensible for school. He was very sad Hmm and was only 3 Hmm Hmm
Took lots of encouragement to get him racing around in Lycra again but I am happy to report that I replaced the outfit twice after that and he wore a Sportacus top to his nursery 'graduation' GrinGrin

Now 9 he wants to be a lifeguard in a small Norfolk town (really random), dive like Tom Daley and have a nice car Smile

His head teacher gave me a bit of a look when I said about him wanting to be a lifeguard and said 'Really?!? Oh....?!?' My son is very challenging and has ASD.

HT left by the time he done his Rookie Lifeguard bronze but I nearly mailed him a copy Wink He's about to do his silver and recently swam a mile for charity plus he's started diving. He's no Tom Daley that I can see but who knows - going to give him every chance Grin

Bowlersarm · 04/08/2013 10:31

I would say your DS sounds very sensible. He has a plan. And a back up plan. You need to manage his expectations, though.

My DS1 (17) has a contract at a well known football club. (he gets paid, yay, lives away from home during the week) It is an extremely tough environment. Not only do you have to be one of the best in the country to get to this stage, you have to be the best in the world. DS's club buys boys in from all over the world from aged 16, as do all top clubs.

You have to be good at football. You have to have determination, be injury free, healthy, have stamina, confidence, and a strong mental attitude. There are always, always boys coming in to trial, who want to take your place. You are generally only as good as your last few matches. It takes blood, sweat, and tears.

With DS we made sure he got good GCSE grades. His A levels are a bit of a disaster because he's finding it too much doing both the football and studying, but he'll come back to A levels if the football doesn't work out.

Your DS plan B is excellent. There are a huge amount of men who play semi-pro football, so he could then be a train driver and top up his salary with match appearances-in effect get paid for his hobby.

So OP YANBU. Don't quash his aspirations, just be aware.

He has to be good at football.
You have to be prepared to give up a huge amount of your time to support his ambition, ie getting him to all the training sessions and matches etc,. This is essential, he won't make it if he can't get around.
Keep encouraging that Plan B!

MrsMangoBiscuit · 04/08/2013 10:32

Well we just asked DD what she wanted to be when she grows up, she said "An Adult" Grin when asked what she wants to do for a job, she said "Princess". She's 3.

I think anyone laughing at a child's dreams is pretty cruel. If they can't be supportive, they should just smile and nod. Gits.

TolliverGroat · 04/08/2013 10:32

Is it possible to join the giraffe training programme as a mature entrant, does anyone know?

VixZenFenchell · 04/08/2013 10:33

DS1 wants to be a Lego designer. I suggested he work at maths / science / art, as most of the ones with bios on the website come from an engineering or design background. Also that he learn Danish!

DS2 doesn't know and at the moment isn't fussed - as long as he can live at home and raid my fridge he says he's happy.

They are 7 & 5 :)

I wanted to be a doctor from about 5. Never changed my mind - though now I've been one for 15 years, I think airline pilot might have been a better choice!

chickensaladagain · 04/08/2013 10:36

Dd wants to be a surgeon

She has wanted that since she was 3, she's now nearly 12 and academically it's not impossible

But the amount of people that try to put her off
No social life
Having to move all over the country to different hospitals
The long hours & shifts
Incredibly competitive to get in

She knows all this and still wants to do it so it would be nice if people didn't keep telling her what a horrible career choice it is

wigglybeezer · 04/08/2013 10:42

We don't discourage anyone from being an artist on this house, DS has been a full time artist since leaving art school 25 years ago and makes a fairly decent living, enough to support a family. His parents didn't discourage him but his parents friends often took him aside and told him he was stupid not to join the family firm.

I also have a friend who's son has just got into the Royal Ballet School, they didn't listen to the doubters either.

I think most teens adjust their expectations naturally when they get to the later years of high school, I know I did, I gave up notions of vet school when I realised I would not get straight A Highers in all three sciences ( damn you physics!).

DS3 wants to be an actor, I will not be telling him to be sensible if he proves to have talent.

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