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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to wear black to a wedding?

102 replies

Cookingmonster · 03/08/2013 22:58

I mean, I don't really know the couple, my husband is goodffriends with the groom, I''ve met him a handful of times and her only once. I'm usually against wearing black to a wedding but it's the only dress I have that goes with the fascinator, jewellery and shoes. It would mean not buying another dress!
So, tell me AIBU?

OP posts:
megsmouse · 04/08/2013 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mia4 · 04/08/2013 20:14

YANBU, I've worn black before. Unless it's a black/white colour theme and bridesmaids are wearing that colour, of course. Do you know the theme?

Mrsrobertduvall · 04/08/2013 20:24

I don't get why you would be upset about what someone wore to a wedding.
Fair enough, if you turned up in a gimp mask and rubber crotchless suit, but as long as you look smart and presentable, what's the problem?????

QueenMaeve · 04/08/2013 20:24

I wore a fabulous black dress for a wedding before, halter neck, almost flamenco skirt, and trust me, I've never made a fashion faux pas in my life. It depends entirely on the style of dress more than anything.

MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2013 20:30

You made one that day!

Bowlersarm · 04/08/2013 20:45

QueenMaeve how do you know you didn't make a fashion faux pas on that day? The point about everyone talking about you behind your back is that you don't get to hear what the are saying Wink

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 04/08/2013 21:02

I always wanted a black wedding dress, but decided on a cream one as I was in a maternity dress rather than a wedding dress anyway, and don't think I would have felt "like a bride" in a black one
So my bridesmaids wore black and red instead :)

I've worn black to weddings too. It greatly depends on the dress and what you wear with it

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 04/08/2013 21:08

RTFT Beyond!

Cream would be okay, lace would be okay. Cream lace is possibly pushing it... If it were cream and another colour, you may get away with it..?

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 04/08/2013 21:09

'the order of out of order goes; white lace, cream lace, white, cream, black, bright red, neon.'

Next wedding I go to, I'm going to find me a dress that incorporates ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Seriously, it's not the nineteenth century.

GlaikitFizzog · 04/08/2013 21:12

:o

fuzzle · 04/08/2013 21:28

me too I would never wear black to a wedding. For me its really bad luck for the bride and groom and just not done. I see people more and more wearing black to weddings and I just don't know why anyone would

Saffyz · 04/08/2013 21:45

YABU. Black is for funerals and cream/white is for brides.

What other clothes do you have? I'd rather wear something that wasn't a dress, in a different colour, to a wedding, than wear black or white. Any random outfit such as blue ripped jeans and a canary yellow t-shirt would be better than wearing black.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/08/2013 21:58

Cream and lace - so like some wedding dress's

Why why why

NuggetofPurestGreen · 04/08/2013 22:18

I really never knew this was such an issue. However I only have black dresses so am going to continue wearing them to any weddings I get invited to as not shelling out for new ones.

MrsKoala · 05/08/2013 01:23

LadyClarice - then it wouldn't be a problem. It's the block effect of any one of those. However, people would probably be laughing at you if you did.

It's got nothing to do with being the 19thC it's all about sense of occasion. Black is just dour and funereal so not for weddings. I only wear black to funerals and yes i wear a nice black dress. I also think black suits on men at a wedding isn't nice, but, with a coloured/white shirt/tie it breaks up the effect.

Black looks dreadful on most people (no idea why people persist in thinking it's flattering) and it doesn't 'go' with any colour either. It contrasts with bright colours quite effectively sometimes (in a kind of monochrome way). But 'go' or compliment it doesn't. If you look at the colour wheel the complimentary colours are never black. So a deep purple dress would look shit with a black bag but look great with a yellow one. When i studied fine art one of the first lessons was how to use complimentary colours to bring out the best in them.

Original poster
Cookingmonster · 05/08/2013 01:25

Holy shit! Now I don't know what to do. I have a black dress, a cream lace dress and a red dress. The red doesn't go with any of my accessories, Black is out and the lace dress is out. I tell you what, I'm going to make an appearance in both and get a survey about thoughts and feelings of how I'm dressed. Surely a cross section of opinion will decide the issue for everyone!

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 05/08/2013 09:14

Ha! In that case I'll just wear 'block' red or neon then. If anyone's 'laughing' at me Hmm that's their problem, not mine.

At all the weddings I've been to the emphasis has been on the couple and the guests wanting to share a fabulous day with people they like and love rather than laughing at people or worrying about whether they look 'dreadful' in their threads, have 'a sense of occasion' or an art-school training that makes them better clothes-wearers than others Hmm.

Bowlersarm · 05/08/2013 10:50

OP-if those are your options, I think we need to go back to Plan A....

Black dress jazzed up with coloured accessories (not red, obv)

Ha ha I can just imagine your face if there are several guests wearing black, red, cream lace - it will be AngryAngry at all your MN virtual friends bad advice.......

Coconutty · 05/08/2013 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AwwCrumpets · 05/08/2013 20:16

Blush I didn't know wearing black to a wedding was a possible big no no.
I wore a black maxi to my brothers wedding I was complimented on though so maybe they were not bothered by it.
You should maybe check with the bride to be ,if your closely related or in their social circle.

MrsKoala · 05/08/2013 22:56

Oh please ladyclarice, i was joking at the people laughing at someone in that ensemble - i mean it sounds a bit out there. And yes it is about the emphasis on celebrating with the couple, which is why it is considered rude to look like you are in mourning or competition with them for centre of attention.

The comments about black were to the poster upthread who asked what colours black did not go with and i gave my opinion - Which has some theory behind it, hence the studying colour comment.

I have been to loads of weddings where people have worn those colours and it has always been mentioned by someone (not me btw!). But it shows it is a matter of opinion. I just wouldn't risk upsetting the people who had invited me.

Lepreporn · 05/08/2013 23:01

I would have no problem with you wearing black to my wedding. My mother wore black to mine. I think it really suited her and she looked fab. A lot of the guests wore black too. It was a dec wedding though. So maybe that makes a difference.

littlewhitebag · 05/08/2013 23:49

I wore a black dress to my brothers wedding. It was his second marriage and I was a witness. Never even gave it a thought. It had a cream pattern in it but it was very definitely black. The bride wore Birkenstocks with her traditional wedding dress. Perhaps not a conventional wedding really.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 06/08/2013 10:18

Koala, 'which is why it is considered rude to look like you are in mourning or competition with them for centre of attention.'

There is a world of difference between widow's weeds and a glamorous black party/cocktail dress. And as for competing to be the centre of attention, I really don't think any of the brides whose weddings I've attended gave a millisecond's thought to that possibility, maybe because they a)liked all the people they'd invited to the wedding and are predisposed to think the best of them, not the worst, and b) were too busy having a lovely day to construct imagined breaches of etiquette.

TBH, anyone who thought I was rude to wear black/red/whatever other 'forbidden' colour would be the kind of person whose opinion I couldn't give two hoots about anyway, and I'd hazard a guess that that goes for most of the people I know.

MadeOfStarDust · 06/08/2013 12:35

thing is you DO notice - I was a bride with my Step mum turning up in RED - bright red - I felt for my mum and MIL in their muted colours, and felt for her too when she realised that EVERYONE was staring because she stood out like a sore thumb.....and I felt mean.. but ended up choosing pictures for our album where there wasn't the in-your-face red dress (and hat).

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