AIBU to think about changing nursery? LONG

[Nellieknickers]

My 13month old DD started nursery 8 weeks ago 8am-6pm 4 days a week, and seems to have settled in but I can't get rid of this niggly feeling that something isn't quite right about it. Below is some background, am I just being an over protective parent or do you think I have valid concerns.
My DD is walking, very busy active little girl and still needs 2 naps a day to balance this out. No matter how many times I insist she has 2 naps they seem to only give her one. Sometimes she only gets an hour. I get it must be difficult with other babies around but they do have a separate quiet room for naps. The offshoot is when I get her home in the evenings she is just beside herself with tiredness. It's just awful to deal with when trying to feed her dinner, bath and bedtime are wretched and make me feel like a terrible mum.
She has never really had nappy rash but it has made stubborn apperance since starting nursery. I manage to almost clear it up in the weekends but it seems to come back with a vengeance when she is back there. I have mentioned it several times to them and tell them to use the sudocream when changing her.
And last but not least she is always getting attacked whilst there. Scratched really badly in the face by another kid on a weekly basis and yesterday also had a fat lip. I have asked the carers if she is antagonising the other kid/s but they say no, she just needs to stand up for herself and fight back. Find this a very odd thing to say. I have asked them to keep the other baby away from her if they can. Is this normal for babies? I can understand 2-3yr olds but babies? She also seems to have a lot of accidents there which she doesn't seem to at home.
The carers do seem lovely and she has developed a bond with her key worker but this niggly feeling is still there as they don't seem to listen to my requests. AIBU to think about placing her somewhere else?

Yanbu, I wouldn't be happy either

On the sleep YABU - they can't force her to sleep and often children do have different routines when in nursery.

They should be using cream when you ask them too.

Children hurt each other, it's not nice but it does happen and with the best will in the world they can't watch every child all the time. That said I don't think saying she needs to fight back in a good approach.

Have a word with the manager, tell her your concerns and then take it from there.

10 hours a day is a lot for a baby in a nursery setting

Have you considered a CM?

I think you'll get a more personal service.

At the end of the day, if you're not happy, change child care provider. Go with your gut instinct.
I took advice from helpful mn's here after having a problem with nursery, I changed nursery and it was the best thing I could ever have done.
Good luck sorting it out.

Wanted to go the childminder route but unfortunately all the good ones in our area were full and others too far away to drop her off and get to work on time. Yip, very long day for DD but don't ave a choice with my working hours and commute. They reluctantly agreed to me working a 4 day week.

It doesn't sound good, but then I don't think nurseries are the best places for babies.

Nanny or CM.

Try calling all the CM's again - one of them might have a space now or coming up, ask them to put you on a waiting list.

Nanny in the meantime??

Agree that YABU on the sleep front. My DS is 14 months & has been going to nursery since he was 9 months. The longest he has slept in a day is 1hr! At home he has a morning nap plus 1/12 hrs in the afternoon. I know that they try really hard to get him to sleep & have a quiet room etc but he doesn't settle as well and wakes at the slightest noise. I'm afraid that you will prob just have to suck it up in terms of sleep at (any) nursery.

YANBU about the other stuff. Have you mentioned your concerns to rhe nursery manager? Maybe you could do this before moving her seeing as you say she is settled? if you dont get anywhere then perhaps a child minder would be better for you but again naps would fit around their routine & school runs etc

Crap on a cracker, hec no!

I changed nursery for similar reasons and everything is great now. I thought I was being overprotective but I wasn't. Go with your gut!

The major concern I'd have is where you said they just don't seem to listen to you. I have a 12 month old in nursery 4 days a week. We worked together to find the nap schedule that worked for her (tried two naps but she woke after 30 mins, going with one nap now). No injuries or nappy rash, and they slather on sudocrem if I ask them to.

I'd look elsewhere if poss. 13 month old shouldn't be having to fight back!

Saying a 13-month-old needs to protect herself from unprovoked physical violence?

I have no words.

My Ds went to nursery 4 days a week when he was 10mths old. The naps are difficult , he nevers sleeps a? long at nursery a? he does at home, even in a seperate room they will get woken up by other babies and enivatably there routine ends up similar to that of nursery when they spend the majority of the week there. My son intially slept really badly a? nursery but it eventually got better ( although he sleeps longer at home he gets enough at nursery). The other things would bother me. Nappy rash , they arent changing nappy often enough and no excuse not to slap on cream-if you arent having the same issue at home idbe bothered. Į think if į was using a nursery where the workers were saying at 13mths she wasnt standing up for themselves id pull them out. My ds i? 2 and yes accidents happen, children get into scrapes but į think in the 16mths hes been there ive signed 3 accident forms and only 1 involved another child. Talk to the manager if it doesnt get better find somewhere else.

Do you know anyone that works ft that might go halfs on a nanny?

Dd has been at nursery for a long time, it's the injuries that concern me. Dd once got bitten on the elbow by a teething child but the nursery was mortified and it never happened again. They did always find it hard to get her to nap as much as she needed, too much general activity so she would nap longer on the off days. If it doesn't feel right, look at your options again.

Trust your instincts.

My 13 month old was in nursery for 3 days before we pulled her for very similar reasons as yours. We thought she'd bonded well with her key worker on the settling in sessions until I witnessed on camera them ignoring our not yet mobile daughter's tears as she struggled to get up from falling over and she was ignored for a good few
Minutes while the 2 staff members had a laugh and a chat.

We moved her to a recommended childminder. Never ever again will I use a nursery. The nursery we chose was the best one after looking at about 15 of them, some of the things I saw in the baby rooms still upset me now four years on.

No baby should have to 'stand up for themselves'. Yes, my daughter came home with scratch marks too. She was clingy for a month after I pulled her from the place and I knew I'd made the right decision.

My DS is a biter, has been since 1.5 years old. I watch him like a hawk and inform the nursery so they watch him more. I think a weekly injury sounds excessive but it can start at that age.

I don't like the comment learn to fight back - they need to supervise more especially if they have children prone to this behaviour.

Napping - I have the same problem. They just don't all sleep well at nursery.

DS was in for three days at that age and got very tired.

My dc's also do a 10 hr day in nursery, it's not ideal, but needs must. On the number of sleeps front, I would say YABU. The way nursery works means that they need to have a routine based around walks/activities/meals and I think that means all the children adapting to the same routine. That said, 1 hour seems too little - dd is 21 months and still sleeps for 1 x 2 hr stretch at nursery. On the rest, YANBU. Especially on the 'standing up for herself and fighting back' front. Wow - if they said this verbatim I'd be questioning if they were running a nursery or a junior fight club. My dc's have had the odd scratch/bite but it's not behaviour that is tolerated. DS was actually sent to the office once to be spoken to by the manager when he was 2 because he snatched from another child. Very glad I was to hear it too.

I work in the baby room of a day nursery.

Wrt sleeping, then yes staff should and hopefully are trying to get your dd down twice a day, but this can be difficult, as babies are nosey, especially when in a new place, and we have lots that start and should be having to naps, but don't. I don't think yabu to ask them to keep trying, but if it doesn't happen, then i don' think it is a deal breaker.

Ok nappies, how often is she being changed ? are they recording wether her nappies were soiled, wet etc, if she has cream applied ? In my setting if we know a baby is sore then we change them every hour.

Whoever it was that said your dd needs to stand up for herself, is talking from their backside. Scratches and bites will occur, and any nursery that tells you that they won't is lying, but the staff should be doing their very best to ensure it does not happen.

I would speak to someone higher up about the nappies and the memeber of staff that said your dd needed to stand up for herself. If things dont improve after that then yes id move her.

you are not being unreasonable to ask them to keep trying sorry

Change your nursery. Yours sounds crap.

My child goes to nursery two days a week for ten hours,he has been doing for two years.I think its great for him,he really enjoys the social interaction and he always has a smile on his face.He does come home tired but he is very busy all day so i can understand that.Hes never come home with scratches or anything from another child that ive found concerning,obviously they do fall out but ive never had the worry hed come to harm because I trust the ladies and I can see the bond he has with them and how excited he is to go to see his "friends".Yes of course it will happen but for it to happen every week thatd be alarm bells for me in my opinion.As for the nappy thing,can you tell how many times theyve changed your DC?i only send enough nappies for the day so I know how many changes.If you said put cream on,they should do it.You dont sound like you trust them and you should go with your own instinct.If they dont listen to you youve got no bond with them either,end of the day you are paying a lot of money and you need to know you are leaving your child where you know is a thriving environment.

How come you are you feeding her dinner at home if you pick her up from nursery at 6pm? At that age mine had their evening meal at 4.30/5pm as much later than that and they got too tired and grumpy. Surely by the time you get her home you should be more or less straight into her bedtime routine, especially if she is in nursery again for 8am the next day and only sleeping an hour there? Poor thing, she is still so tiny to manage in that kind of schedule.

If I were you I would go with your gut instinct. You don't feel comfortable with it and your baby doesn't seem happy there. I suppose you could try letting them give her her tea when she's still at nursery so you only have to bath her/put her to bed once she gets home. Tired babies and mealtimes aren't a good mix. If there's still no improvement then personally I would look at a childminder instead, who might provide a calmer environment.

Curly raises a good point, I wanted to give dd a meal but getting home at 6 she wasn't hungry and was exhausted so had to go down. Had conveniently forgotten that! That said, dd loved going to nursery at that age.

I second the childminder route if at all possible.

Quieter, calmer, more home style environment.

I looked at numerous nurseries for my two. The baby rooms also made me shudder, it was impossible for the staff to give the very personal, gentle and one-on-one attention that the little ones need imo.
May be okay for the older ones who are verbal and self mobilising, ie over about 2.5 yrs but many nurseries are not able to give the level of care that the smaller ones need... in my experience... I accept that this might not be ALL nurseries but I wasn't happy with the ones I viewed.

I sent my two to a childminder, the eldest was about 2.5 yrs and the youngest was 6 months old. They are still there two years later and love it. My childminder works with her mother [also a registered childminder] and they are like a well loved Aunt and Grandmother to my two. I have never had issues with either being injured except for the usual small bumps and scrapes that come with active boys. They have other children to play with but not so many that they get lost in the milieu. Naps were never an issue, they were able to have a sleep when they felt tired. And crucially I have always felt listened to as their parent, my childminders and I work as a team for the children's best interests.

OP, listen to your instincts. If you feel your child is not happy or getting the best care possible then please think about moving her. Perhaps your local childminders might be able to put you on a waiting list or they may have a more recent vacancy?

Good luck!