Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to think about changing nursery? LONG

65 replies

Nellieknickers · 03/08/2013 22:38

My 13month old DD started nursery 8 weeks ago 8am-6pm 4 days a week, and seems to have settled in but I can't get rid of this niggly feeling that something isn't quite right about it. Below is some background, am I just being an over protective parent or do you think I have valid concerns.
My DD is walking, very busy active little girl and still needs 2 naps a day to balance this out. No matter how many times I insist she has 2 naps they seem to only give her one. Sometimes she only gets an hour. I get it must be difficult with other babies around but they do have a separate quiet room for naps. The offshoot is when I get her home in the evenings she is just beside herself with tiredness. It's just awful to deal with when trying to feed her dinner, bath and bedtime are wretched and make me feel like a terrible mum.
She has never really had nappy rash but it has made stubborn apperance since starting nursery. I manage to almost clear it up in the weekends but it seems to come back with a vengeance when she is back there. I have mentioned it several times to them and tell them to use the sudocream when changing her.
And last but not least she is always getting attacked whilst there. Scratched really badly in the face by another kid on a weekly basis and yesterday also had a fat lip. I have asked the carers if she is antagonising the other kid/s but they say no, she just needs to stand up for herself and fight back. Find this a very odd thing to say. I have asked them to keep the other baby away from her if they can. Is this normal for babies? I can understand 2-3yr olds but babies? She also seems to have a lot of accidents there which she doesn't seem to at home.
The carers do seem lovely and she has developed a bond with her key worker but this niggly feeling is still there as they don't seem to listen to my requests. AIBU to think about placing her somewhere else?

OP posts:

Original poster

Nellieknickers · 04/08/2013 11:10

Yip, it's true 'fight back' and 'stand up for herself'. Had these comments twice maybe even 3 times now when have raised the issue. It's horrible to think your child is being attacked regularly. My husband is furious about it.

OP posts:

Dayshiftdoris · 04/08/2013 11:13

Mine went to nursery from 5 months old because all these 'wonderful CM's' that people tell you about are often full with a waiting list from conception or they won't take a baby part time because of ratios meaning they can't take any others.

I rang 35 CMs and 3 agreed to see us then the one that agreed to have him changed her mind 2 weeks before he was about to start as a full time baby came along.

Anyone who says 'get a CM' like you can waltz down Tesco and pick on up for a fiver is being unreasonable IMO

As it was we did nursery for nearly 4 years - Have a chat with the manager but keep it friendly - you could even say that its been recommended that you change DD x number of day with cream before taking her to the GP...

As for socialisation stuff - it might be one member of staff but if it seems inbuilt into the nursery then you might have to look elsewhere. I highly recommend dropping in early to collect or getting close friends or family to drop off forgotten things - tells you a lot about a place!

Val007 · 04/08/2013 11:30

You have given the nursery plenty of chances. Not much you can do about the sleep issue, but regarding nappy rash and 'accidents', it is a big no-no. Honestly, it looks like they are not doing their job well.

hadababygirl · 04/08/2013 11:44

My nursery is lovely - the childminders around here were so incredibly rude.

Having said that, I wouldn't be too worried about the first two points you make but I would withdraw solely on the basis of you final complaint. My daughter is around the same age as yours (born June 2012) and I would be upset with that comment.

peteypiranha · 04/08/2013 12:51

moogy1a - I have worked in nurseries, school clubs, social services in a variety of roles. I would always send my children to nurseries. Most of my friends work in childcare and have children in nursery or are sahms.

Jomato · 04/08/2013 12:59

My DD had nappy rash when she started nursery at 9 months. I couldn't figure it out as her book said they were changing her regularly (more regularly than we do) then I figured out she might be sensitive to the gloves they used and that changing more made it worse not better. They changed gloves and it cleared up, it's worth suggesting this.

However I would be really worried by their attitude to injuries. Children of this age don't understand they are hurting each other so suggesting she needs to stand up for herself suggests a serious lack of understanding of child development. If they are suggesting this now how do they manage the two year olds??

JassyRadlett · 04/08/2013 13:03

Another who thinks sweeping generalisations about nannies/childminders/nurseries are generally unhelpful. It's the quality, not the setting, that determines how good the care is in my view.

A number of the staff at DS's nursery have their own kids there as well, including the nursery manager, which I take as a good sign. They pay their staff better than average and turnover is low. Ratios are well above the minimum. The kids eat well including a hot meal at 4.45, and they work sleep around what parents ask for though there's lots of feedback and discussion about what works and what doesn't for each child. I've only signed a couple of accident forms for DS in the 14 months he's been going, all for self-inflicted injuries. He's now nearly two and it's a brilliant environment for him. The children behave really well for their ages and are taught to help and respect each other. There are squabbles and tantrums but they are strongly discouraged with calm, appropriate discipline.

So coming from that perspective, OP I have to say your nursery sounds incredibly ropey and I'd be looking for a meeting with the manager ASAP.

farewellfarewell · 04/08/2013 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LondonMan · 04/08/2013 14:24

And last but not least she is always getting attacked whilst there. Scratched really badly in the face by another kid on a weekly basis and yesterday also had a fat lip

The nursery has a legal obligation to keep children safe. They also have a legal obligation to report themselves to social services if a child is harmed while in their care, but I've no idea what the harm threshold is when it comes to reporting.

If social services think the nursery is not keeping children safe, there's a chance that an emergency Ofsted inspection could follow. Even if they aren't explicitly shut down, the Ofsted report might be so bad that it puts them out of business.

LondonMan · 04/08/2013 14:28

The individual injuries don't sound to me like they are serious enough to warrant outside agencies taking an interest, but if they are happening that regularly then it sounds like the kind of environment where an injury that would interest them is going to happen.

BTW I comment merely as a user of nurseries, no experience or knowledge beyond that.

Shelby2010 · 04/08/2013 14:52

My dd started nursery at a similar age & also had to make the change from 2 naps to 1. To be fair the staff tried, but one nap was the norm for the toddler room & she didn't want to sleep when everyone else was playing.

We also had a similar problem with nappy rash which was due to the cheap nappies they used rather than lack of changing. The solution was to use Vaseline at every change as sudocreme didn't offer the barrier protection that was needed.

The 'fight back' comments & injuries though are unacceptable and really would make me want to move her. Have you spoken to the manager about this?

Shenanagins · 04/08/2013 16:42

Personally i would be worried about the fight back comment as well as they should be watching the children and stop most incidents arising.

there are plenty of good nurseries where this is not acceptable.

as for your schedule, my boy has a similar one from a year old. He is now 2 and is thriving in that environment and having his tea at 6.30 has done him no harm.

Stangirl · 04/08/2013 18:48

Change nurseries - they seem rubbish.

My DC have been to 3 nurseries between them - both of them fulltime (for a while) from a year old. The second nursery I took my daughter out of after 6 weeks due to similar issues to yours. I thought their poor practice was just something I would have to put up with but I was wrong. Much happier with my current nursery. I thought I was being PFB but no they were pants.

HearMyRoar · 04/08/2013 19:41

I would also leave just because of the fight back comments. Dd does 8-5 at an amazing nursery and has only had one scratch caused by another DC, the staff were very apologetic and made it clear they would be keeping a very close eye on the other DC in future. No problems since.

If she is really exhausted when you get home I would also look into somewhere that does a dinner at nursery. Dd has a tea at nursery (main meal and pudding) at 4 then comes home and has second dinner at 5:30 with us. She does so much at nursery she needs the extra and would be a state without the 4pm meal.

Needtogetbetteratthis · 04/08/2013 19:49

We have used a nursery since five months old, we quickly took in our own nappies which fixed our nappy rash issue, is it possible for you to do this? But the injuries, that is a huge red flag for me, we have never had an injury beyond a minor bruise in 18 months. I would suggest looking at other nurseries and replaying to them the comments you have received from the nursery, there is better out there than this, good luck.

Flip

1 2 3