AIBU to think about changing nursery? LONG

[Nellieknickers]

My 13month old DD started nursery 8 weeks ago 8am-6pm 4 days a week, and seems to have settled in but I can't get rid of this niggly feeling that something isn't quite right about it. Below is some background, am I just being an over protective parent or do you think I have valid concerns.
My DD is walking, very busy active little girl and still needs 2 naps a day to balance this out. No matter how many times I insist she has 2 naps they seem to only give her one. Sometimes she only gets an hour. I get it must be difficult with other babies around but they do have a separate quiet room for naps. The offshoot is when I get her home in the evenings she is just beside herself with tiredness. It's just awful to deal with when trying to feed her dinner, bath and bedtime are wretched and make me feel like a terrible mum.
She has never really had nappy rash but it has made stubborn apperance since starting nursery. I manage to almost clear it up in the weekends but it seems to come back with a vengeance when she is back there. I have mentioned it several times to them and tell them to use the sudocream when changing her.
And last but not least she is always getting attacked whilst there. Scratched really badly in the face by another kid on a weekly basis and yesterday also had a fat lip. I have asked the carers if she is antagonising the other kid/s but they say no, she just needs to stand up for herself and fight back. Find this a very odd thing to say. I have asked them to keep the other baby away from her if they can. Is this normal for babies? I can understand 2-3yr olds but babies? She also seems to have a lot of accidents there which she doesn't seem to at home.
The carers do seem lovely and she has developed a bond with her key worker but this niggly feeling is still there as they don't seem to listen to my requests. AIBU to think about placing her somewhere else?

I agree sounds a bit worrying, trust your instincts but I also found it really hard to know what to expect from a nursery. Maybe try and chat with other parents there. Def chat to manager and make it clear you are not happy. Give up feeding her when you come home, straight into bedtime routine as another poster said. Consider a nanny share? Keep trying the CM as their books can change quickly, ESP new term coming up. Good luck!

I would always stick with nurseries over childminders having worked in the childrens services sector. I would never send my own to a childminder as I believe overall the care is much better in nurseries personally as more hands.

However your nursery doesnt sound very good. There are much better ones out there. Is there none with only about 6 babies in and 3 staff? There are a couple like that in my area, and I think its good as lots of staff, small ratios, always someone else there to help out if one is having an off day etc.

Petey do you mind my asking what area of childrens care you worked in. It's just that your comment surprises me as without fail, every person I've ever known who has worked in a nursery says they personally wouldn't send their child to nursery.

YANBU they sound dreadful and almost neglectful

Sounds like some people have bad experiences with nursery!I really like the one we chose,its two babies per staff and ive not seen any staff turnover and a happy enviroment.its a real shame that people have been put off,theres some excellent ones.

Thats strange to me moggy1a,how strange!i have three friends trained to a higher education level in nurseries and they prefer nursery?

Moogy - my sister works in nurseries and her and all of her colleagues send their children to nurseries over childminders.

I think their attitude is odd. Fighting it out shouldn't be an option. The constant nappy rash is also a concern. I also think they could at least make an effort to put child to sleep twice and see if they can work it. Finally they are obviously not listening to your requests. All would raise alarm bells with me. Ring childminders and other nurseries. You need to follow your gut. .

Having worked in child protection for many many years I would do the exact oppersit and never use a nursery.

So I guess its still very much down to personal opinion

Maybe we just have particularly ropey nurseries round here (tbh I think we do!) There will be bad nurseries and bad CM's. Gut instinct is usually a good call.

My dd was in nursery 4 days a week from 10 months similar timings to yours. Our nursery always tried to facilitate our wishes re: naps, although I agree with the other posters who say they never nap as well at nursery, even now, Thursday bedtime is a nightmare!
She does have more bumps etc at nursery but not from other children like you describe, mainly through falling over etc.
She's 2.2 now and loves going, personally I would always chose a nursery, I like to know where my child is and prefer the notion of 'collective responsibility'.
If you are not happy speak to the manager, if you don't get a response you're happy with change.

YANBU

I removed dd from a nursery after she developed very bad nappy rash there - she had never had it at home. I worked out it was because she was being left sitting in a dirty nappy - probably because nobody went near enough to her for several hours to work out she needed changing. :-(

The reply about standing up for herself is just baffling. It would be good to explore other options.

Really agree that while its simpler to have a strong preference for where to leave your child, it really depends on the individual cm/ nursery/ circumstances.

I've been a baby room supervisor. Fortunately only allowed 6 babies at a time but never had more than 4.

We went by the parents schedule but often the baby would refuse to do it at nursery, there was too much going on. A couple of mums requested we popped them outside in their prams to sleep. One would sleep 3 hours outside but inside he would only sleep 40 minutes. But sleep can be difficult as babies realise quite quickly they are missing something.

Nappies, I would request she is changed more frequently. We did 3 nappies a day on a schedule but would change when a poo or felt the nappy needed changed. If they had any type of rash, we'd change every 90 minutes. We wrote down all their nappy changes and feeding and handed it to each parent at the end of the day.

I don't think any child should have to stand up for themselves in nursery and certainly not in the baby room. That would be a manager/owner meeting for me.

I kind of knew which were good as my cousin did placements at a few near me and her fellow studiers at the,rest so i also knew which to avoid!

I would find a childminder or nannyshare and remove her from this environment. I had a similar experience with a nursery and didn't remove my children for a year (no comments about learning to stick up for themselves though). It was a mistake.

Excellent childcare exists, but poor childcare is IMO completely normalised in this country. We kept our DCs there because everyone else we knew used the same nursery and we thought it was "just how it is". I deeply regret that.

You need to speak to the nursery manager, reasonable requests should be done.

Wrt sleep my ds is the same, mostly only an hour and goes straight to bed when we get home!

My LO is going to nursery in January, bit worried now!

But the nursery has a more or less fixed midday naptime for two hours in the baby room, which helps make sure they all get some quiet time. (We made a mistake with our visit appointment time and turned up then - all bar one babies were asleep!)

They also give the babies dinner at 5pm so they can just have bath and bedtime when they get home.

meringue I'd be a bit wary of a fixed sleep time. They are usually for the convenience of the staff.
What do they do if dc is knackered at half ten? What about if they aren't tired at "naptime" but need to flake out at 3 o'clock? I hope the "more or less" is very very more or less.
Good that they give them some food at 5 though.

Doesn't sound good to me at all. My DS has been in nursery from 18 months (he's 2 now) and injuries have been rare and certainly no nappy rash. I suppose he does sleep less at nursery than at home (90 min nap versus 2 hours at home) but i think there's just more going on at nursery and he gets excited.

I'd be particularly concerned by their response to the injuries, rather than the injuries themselves.

Meringue - please don't worry. Mn is very anti nursery. Nurseries are not all bad. Just as not all nannies and cms are good. DD2 goes to a great nursery. Most kids sleep around the same time but of course naps at other times happen as required.

Okay so I guess the sleep issue is common in nurseries so nothing I can do there.
The reason I have to give her dinner at home is because they get a light snack around 4pm (toast etc) and she is hungry when she gets home. I don't feel a snack at 4pm is substantial enough for her to last night on.
I did really like the nursery on the visits, seem to have lots of stimulating actitives, big garden, they take the kids out regularly to local parks. She does seem happy there now settled but I think the fundamental care nappy changing etc needs work. I do like the fact DD is with other kids during the day as she is very social. I thought this was quite good for her development.
It's very hard as she hasn't been there that long and want to give the nursery a chance but wanted second views on what other people thought was normal. The other parents do seem happy with the care.

A baby needs to fight back?! WTAF?

Nellie - I find this nursery description really worrying.

Suggesting a baby "stands up for themselves" is out of line and neglectful in so many ways I can't begin to say.

I also think the 4pm toast only seems unusual. I haven't used a nursery but have looked round several and all seemed to do a proper cooked tea at 4.30/5pm. I agree that a small baby will never cope with a 10 hour nursery day then home for tea - must be hungry as well as tired.

I really hope you get an alternative sorted soon.