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Original poster

To not understand why 'no pain relief' in childbirth is a source of pride?

352 replies

bronya · 02/08/2013 12:31

I accept that some people hurt more than others when giving birth, but surely, it's not clever to go without pain relief if you need it? If you want it and can't get it, I feel for you. If you choose one variety over another, that is your choice. Equally, if your body simply doesn't hurt enough to need it, then aren't you lucky!

How is the whole screaming in agony for hours on end, a GOOD thing? I just don't see it. Pain relief is available, why not have it?????

OP posts:
janey68 · 02/08/2013 19:36

I'd be interested to hear any responses to my earlier point, about how a significant number of women who have epidurals for their first baby, are determined to achieve subsequent births without one. To some degree this may be explained by the fact that subsequent labours tend to be shorter and not as painful in that your body has gone through the process before. But I don't think that entirely explains it: I would hypothesise that many women feel an innate desire to give birth as naturally as possible .

That's Not a value judgement. Many women are quite happy to have pain relief with all births and have no wish to ever experience natural birth and that's fine

But I do get the feeling there are quite a large number who find that while epidural offers the relief from pain, it also has downsides which they want to avoid. I've regularly seen posts under the childbirth section where women had epidural with dc1 but not for subsequent births and that although the subsequent births were more painful, they felt better about the experience overall. So the logical conclusion I'd draw is that however satisfied they were from a pain relief point of view, there are aspects of their first Birth which they wish to avoid. Sometimes this may be things like the lack of control over their body, the necessity for continuous monitoring, ie not unhappiness with the epidural per se, but unhappy with what comes with it.

MaryKatharine · 02/08/2013 19:37

I haven't read the whole thread but what I'd like to know is why midwives think having a baby without pain relief is something to be proud of.
Fine and dandy if you don't want it for whatever reason. However, I cannot for the life of me understand this mentality of midwives that encourage women to get by without an epidural if they want one and then afterwards try to paise them saying 'oh see, I knew you could do it without.well done.' Angry I just turned to her and said, ' I don't care that I could do it without pain relief, I didn't want to.' She looked most put out but I was angry for a long time. Just because I'd have 3 previous quick straightforward vaginal births before. I knew this one was also likely to be quick with no tearing but I actually didn't want to o through the pain of labour again.

Turquoisehat · 02/08/2013 19:39

Not all of us scream for hours while giving birth. I have had 2 very quick births without pain relief. Dd1 was born within minutes of getting to the hospital and my labour notes say dd2 was a 13 minute labour.

Why does it bother you if I am proud of that?

Bonsoir · 02/08/2013 19:42

I didn't want pain relief - I wanted to know what giving birth felt like. I feel that I extended the range of my human experience by giving birth naturally.

MaryKatharine · 02/08/2013 19:45

But why is that seen at the 'right' way, turquoisehat? It's not wrong and if its what you wanted then that's great and def something you should be proud of.

I'd like to know why midwives think all women feel like that. I've given birth quickly and naturally with no pain relief whatsoever (dc3). For dc4, I wanted and epidural and went early to get it. They said no as wasn't in established labour. But of course as my births are quick, established labour is minutes really then 10min max of pushing. Unsurprisingly, they then said too late. This was all bad enough but for the midwife then to think I'd be proud to have gone through that unwanted pain for 10minutes was offensive.

MaryKatharine · 02/08/2013 19:47

Like, 'well done for going through that 10minutes of pain totally unnecessarily.' Hmm

MrsPercyPig · 02/08/2013 19:47

I had a c section and had the full range of pain relief! Grin

I'm not remotely impressed by anyone who gives birth without pain relief!

NOBODY I know in RL ever talks about this, it's only on mumsnet that it's such a big deal.

Nobody is really interested in how someone gives birth as long as the baby and mum are healthy.

Chunderella · 02/08/2013 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soapysam · 02/08/2013 20:03

I've had 5 kids, and 3 epidurals. Horses for courses. I'm not having any more, but if I did I'd definitely have another epidural. 9 months growing a baby, the rest of your life loving, caring and worrying. Whats a bit of pain relief?! The important thing is not to judge others by your own standards. My first birth was a dream, just a few slugs of G&A in the pool, like shelling peas. Last one was practically dynamited out Grin

Way too many mums spend way too much time feeling inferior. Why inferior? Look what you made! Who cares how it was evicted Wink

soapysam · 02/08/2013 20:06

...and as a total cynic, I reckon its a conspiracy by the NHS to save a few quid on the drugs Hmm

HiggsBoson · 02/08/2013 20:10

Turquoisehat it bothers people because it's a ridiculous thing to be proud of.

You had quick labours because you were LUCKY ffs, not because you are some higher form of human being or because you did things differently or better.

NOT something to be proud of. Something to be grateful for :)

Minifingers · 02/08/2013 20:13

"Some people are just LUCKY."

And some people are more stoical, or have better or more skilled care which enables them to go without pain relief.

There are lots of factors, but stoicism is one of them.

Turquoisehat · 02/08/2013 20:13

MaryK - I didn't say it was the right way. It is my experience. I don't get how it bothers the op that I, like millions of other women, didn't use pain relief.

I feel bad for women who had horrendous labours - do I care if they used pain relief? Ummm, no. If it works for you, who am I to judge?

Minifingers · 02/08/2013 20:15

"I'd like to know why midwives think all women feel like that."

They don't.

I'm not denying that some midwives are insensitive and don't listen - in every area of health care there are people like this But most know that women's needs in labour cover a very wide spectrum.

HiggsBoson · 02/08/2013 20:20

more stoical

Hahahahahaha!

No, the word you are loking for is LUCKY dearie.

If DD hadn't been upside down and my labour hadn't been 28 hours long resulting in an emcs, I'd have considered myself LUCKY.

To be fair to myself all that on just G&A ain't too shabby, but to be proud is just friggin' daft Grin

staceyw1988 · 02/08/2013 20:20

I had no pain relief for mine, induced and forceps delivery, but I would say i'm proud of just giving birth! especially as i delivered her just as they put me to sleep to give me an emergency c-section as they said she was stuck! my last memory before they put me to sleep was someone saying 'wow shes a good pusher'!!! so if anything, i want a 'good pusher' medal, it doesn't matter that i didn't have pain relief! haha!

Capitola · 02/08/2013 20:20

I felt very thankful that I had no pain relief when I had my dcs because that is what I had hoped for. Not ashamed to say I was quietly proud, too.

I would never boast about it though.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/08/2013 20:24

Luck or different phsiologies is a factor too though Mini - and I can completely see how annoying it is when some people don't give due credit to that - and like Higgs says be grateful for that.

Thurlow · 02/08/2013 20:24

MrsPercyPig, one of the women in my NCT group actually went through and grilled all of us on our births and pretty much passed judgement! We had a ridiculously high rate of emcs's and she was one of the only ones to have a VB. She was practically rating us - "oh, your baby was ill? That's alright then..." Shock Sadly I'd had a glass of wine too much to really notice at the time, I wish I had so I could have picked her up on it!

MrsPercyPig · 02/08/2013 20:29

Thurlow you really should have! I think I would have asked her why she needed to know!

All this competitive giving birth makes me think of teenagers who have yet to grow up!

I wouldn't be remotely interested to ask how someone had their baby!

Minifingers · 02/08/2013 20:30

"more stoical

Hahahahahaha!

No, the word you are loking for is LUCKY dearie".

Are you assuming I had straightforward labours?

I didn't.

MrsDeVere · 02/08/2013 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowlie · 02/08/2013 20:33

I knew 2 midwives who didn't feel labour pain - they were very quiet about it with their patients. Go for it if you want suck up all that pain, feel empowered, a martyr...whatever it is gets you through, alternatively you could just get some pain relief - your kids won't give a shit either way.

janey68 · 02/08/2013 20:34

Like I said earlier, any woman who has used pain relief who can only deal with that fact by denigrating other women and saying they were 'lucky' or must have had an 'easy labour', a 'perfectly positioned baby', a short labour or a 'better anatomy' need to examine why they feel insecure about their own experience. Not try to put other women down about theirs.

janey68 · 02/08/2013 20:35

Ooh and we've just had another put down- we must be martyrs! This is a bit like bingo isn't it!