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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not understand why 'no pain relief' in childbirth is a source of pride?

352 replies

bronya · 02/08/2013 12:31

I accept that some people hurt more than others when giving birth, but surely, it's not clever to go without pain relief if you need it? If you want it and can't get it, I feel for you. If you choose one variety over another, that is your choice. Equally, if your body simply doesn't hurt enough to need it, then aren't you lucky!

How is the whole screaming in agony for hours on end, a GOOD thing? I just don't see it. Pain relief is available, why not have it?????

OP posts:
Rangirl · 02/08/2013 20:41

Surely it is up to the individual Why do some people treat birth as a competition Mind you I am probably a bit biased Was once told by a vague acquaintance that she would have felt cheated if she had to have a CS She said imagine having the baby without the labour I had 2 CS She knew that I also had a stillborn child She knew that Felt like saying try having the labour without the baby But didn't Smile

snugglesnook · 02/08/2013 20:43

YANBU

MrsPercyPig · 02/08/2013 20:43

I finding this thread really bizarre!

I honestly didn't know such competition existed! Confused

SuperiorCat · 02/08/2013 20:44

How sad that some women feel judged for their choices, and some other women judge them for their choices (either way).

First birth - gas and air, pethidine, epidural, local for episiotomy, forceps delivery

Second birth - c/section

Why should anyone else care what I did? I have two wonderful children

SoniaGluck · 02/08/2013 21:02

This is a bit like bingo isn't it! Isn't it, janey?

Anyway it's got very silly and competitive,now.

I had 4 babies with no pain relief and I could probably have done without it for my first, too, if I hadn't been forced on to the bed and not allowed to move about. Hmm

I'm not advocating it for everyone but that was what I wanted and I'm very happy it was how it worked out. Yes, and a little bit proud too.

ThreeMusketeers · 02/08/2013 21:08

"... Anthracite It takes a lot of psychological effort and drive... Many women prefer to deny their own comfort for the sake of their baby!
..."

Oh, I win then as I denied my own comfort for the sake of my babies - I had a ECS.

Tadaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Where's my medal?

Hmm
ThreeMusketeers · 02/08/2013 21:13

The Most Smug idiotic Comment of the day:

"...That's Not a value judgement. Many women are quite happy to have pain relief with all births and have no wish to ever experience natural birth and that's fine..."

[boak]

snowlie · 02/08/2013 21:15

Do I get a badge for having laser surgery whilst pregnant without pain relief? I don't even get to boost Sad....the things we go through and then shame ourselves by resorting to pain relief during labour. Hmm

sweetiepie1979 · 02/08/2013 21:19

Ladies stop stop stop the more you say this isn't important followed by your birth story makes it sound like you think it is important! This thread is sad! The Nct and the hypno birthing evangelists are to blame for all this!

janey68 · 02/08/2013 21:23

If you're happy with your birth experience why would you give a shit about women who have natural births!

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 02/08/2013 21:26

Lucky Hmm one of my babies was born blue and had to be resuscitated. Another was in scbu for a week. They weren't simple straightforward births... Why is it so important to prove a natural birth is only feasible under ideal conditions and suggest those of us who had them are 'just lucky'.

I couldn't give a shit what other women choose, I know drug free birth isn't for everyone by any stretch of the imagination and I don't think anyones birth should be tainted by pain they can't manage. But it was my choice and I had to put effort in to achieve it. I ask no acknowledgment of that nor do I expect anyone to give a crap, however it would be nice if others didn't feel the need to insinuate I just had an easy ride of it and didn't feel much pain.

Rufus43 · 02/08/2013 21:28

Whenever my friends get together to chat about birth they tend to go for the worst horror stories, I'm not sure I have ever heard one about a normal quick trouble free birth. Except on mumsnet

scraggydoodledo · 02/08/2013 21:32

I'm proud of only having G&A during all of my labours and two of them were the wrong way around. I'm proud that I coped relatively well with the pain. Of course, I was mostly proud of giving birth to a baby each time.

Yes, some people are more stoical and cope better with pain. There is definitely a psychological element to pain. I know a couple of people who were very anxious about the prospect of pain and told me that they were having an epidural as soon as they stepped on to the labour ward and another who insisted on having a CS as she was too anxious to give birth.
It isn't just luck. One factor, yes but not the only one.

Those of you branding people 'martyrs' for having no pain relief as being just as unpleasant and judgemental as someone who had no pain relief branded calling you a wimp.

Frankly, I don't see why you care what choices other women made during their labours. It's a personal choice not a competition and not something to get so het up about.

mrslyman · 02/08/2013 21:35

Have we decided what the right way to give birth is yet?

From various threads including this one, I've provided a handy summary

ELCS - too posh to push
Instrumental delivery - ravaged fanny
No drugs - overly smug lentil weaving
Drugs - lack of nerve and backbone
EMCS - failure

It would seem there is no approved way to give birth,
I think I'll grow my next DC in the cabbage patch and have it delivered by stork.

Wine cheers and hope you all have a lovely weekend that involves no fretting at all about how you gave bieth

ThePowerof3 · 02/08/2013 21:36

Oh Rangirl, what an insensitive cow of a friend so self centred.

mrslyman · 02/08/2013 21:36

Birth even

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 02/08/2013 21:40

I have no idea.

My Mum always says you don't get made a saint for putting up with pain.

ThePowerof3 · 02/08/2013 21:43

I think Rangirls post should put things into perspective

MissBetseyTrotwood · 02/08/2013 21:47

In my case the concept of choice in childbirth was rather theoretical.

DS1: Student midwife, I was her first solo delivery. I went as long as I could without any pain relief and by the time I was begging, pleading for it it was too late apparently. More fool me.

DS2: Problematic birth, MW went from 'everything's fine' to literally, 'Get me the fucking crash trolley NOW' in minutes. DS2 forcepsed out, no pain relief for me. I was in physical shock after his birth, I literally couldn't feel my face, I was numb. I can't even remember much about it, just odd sort of snap shots and another student midwife standing by my head tapping my cheek and calling 'We're losing mum, come on stay with us.' Birth 'plan' clearly stated pain relief but in the event there was no time again. DS has significant SN, perhaps as a result of this last stage of his birth, perhaps it was there already, we'll never know.

So what I thought I wanted and would get was not what was available at the time. Even in my most straightforward of births with DS1, chance and circumstance took the lion's share of the outcome.

Lovingmybabiesbottom · 02/08/2013 21:51

First birth, every pain relief option going.

Second birth, none. The midwife and DH kept going on about how proud they were of me doing it 'all on my own' with no pain relief.

If I had been able to, I would have taken an epidural right up to the last possible moment. I didn't give a flying that I was doing it 'all on my own'.

However, afterwards, I was bloody glad, because I felt awesome. Whereas after my first, I felt sluggish and, well, a bit weird.

Wbdn28 · 02/08/2013 21:58

Maybe it is the use of the word 'pride or proud' that is the issue. To be proud of yourself means that you are "exultantly aware of the credit due to or reflected on yourself".

This.

countingmyblessings · 02/08/2013 22:00

1st - epidural
2nd - natural

For me it's nothing to do with pride. I far preferred my 2nd birth experience. I'm so glad I had a natural birth. It was an awesome, sacred experience.

MaryKatharine · 02/08/2013 22:01

I guess I felt the opposite of you then, loving. I didn't feel proud at all, just angry. Partly that they refused me pain relief other than G&A and partly because she acted like, 'yeah, you've done it without, you must be so proud.' But I'd already done 2 of the previous 3 with just G&A and I knew what I'd wanted. I felt like I hadn't been listened to and it had been assumed that I wanted to get through it without pain relief simply because I could. Angry

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 02/08/2013 22:08

Choice is such bollocks.
It was my choice to have a drug free water birth for example but it was my body's choice to haemorrhage so what I wanted in my birth plan didn't enter into it. I don't feel happy about my labour as an experience but the outcome was and is brilliant.

There is such an industry built on Natural Childbirth and the gap between that and the realities of the NHS and of giving birth itself - which can be a dangerous and distressing business - causes a lot of angst and guilt and upset. Saying it is down to women's choice - is disingenuous.

Cheerymum · 02/08/2013 22:13

My first birth I tried hypnobirthing. (Opioids make me feel too swimmy, and at that time, evidence pointed to epidural a increasing the chances of a chain of interventions, and as I wanted several children, I wanted to give myself the best chance of an uncomplicated birth to facilitate having more.) It gave me some tools that really helped my to cope. I got to practically fully dilated with no pain relief except water, and I felt calm and in control. However, everything then slowed right down, they think my daughter was back to back and 10 hours later after a lot more pain and 32 hours in and still no sign of being ready to push, they wanted to give me synto and I asked to have an epidural first as I was done in.
This time it's MCDA twins, and the epidural will be going in pronto as the chance of a crash section for one/both is significant.
I think desire/motivation, stoicism, support, and luck all feed into the chances of whether you are successful at having a drug-free birth. Those who achieve it can feel proud if they like, but should be sensitive to those who wanted it and didn't get it, as well as those for whom it isn't important. And anyone who loses sight of the one important thing (healthy mum, healthy babe) in what is an inherently dangerous game is off their rocker.

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