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Original poster

To not understand why 'no pain relief' in childbirth is a source of pride?

352 replies

bronya · 02/08/2013 12:31

I accept that some people hurt more than others when giving birth, but surely, it's not clever to go without pain relief if you need it? If you want it and can't get it, I feel for you. If you choose one variety over another, that is your choice. Equally, if your body simply doesn't hurt enough to need it, then aren't you lucky!

How is the whole screaming in agony for hours on end, a GOOD thing? I just don't see it. Pain relief is available, why not have it?????

OP posts:
Wbdn28 · 03/08/2013 12:59

Well said Delatron.

CalamityJ · 03/08/2013 13:07

I started a very similar thread when I was due.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/1685317-Pain-relief-why-is-there-stigma-against-using-it

I did NCT classes and was hacked off at the 'use aromatherapy' for pain relief. When I did go into labour I begged for an epidural from 1cm dilated! Aromatherapy wouldn't have touched the sides! Grin

MurderOfGoths · 03/08/2013 13:07

I was on gas and air when the contractions first started, then had the epidural while I was on the syntocin drip, then they refused me the epidural an hour before I started pushing and I pushed for 2 hours until they ended up taking me to theatre.

All but one of the others in my NCT group had interventions and/or drugs. And none of us felt able to talk about it with the NCT teacher as she was so anti-drugs/intervention. We shouldn't have had to feel ashamed about what we'd been through.

SoniaGluck · 03/08/2013 13:10

janey On your final point, my community midwife when I had DD1 said exactly that. She more or less said that hospital HCPs (especially doctors) are expecting things to go wrong. She also said that many doctors had never seen a natural, straightforward birth during their training.

I know my GP when I had DD3 really wanted to be at the birth because he'd never seen a home birth. I think the midwife gently discouraged him.

As it turned out, it was so quick that the midwife didn't make it, either. Grin

MaryKatharine · 03/08/2013 13:32

But everyone is talking about it being individual choice. Yet it only seems to be individual choice if you don't want pain relief. I wanted an epidural and was refused one simply on the grounds that it was my fourth baby and I'd have 3 previous vbs that were straightforward and quick. With the last 2 being done without pain relief at all. I just don't see how that can be morally justified.

I felt demeaned and as if I had no control. I couldn't refuse to have the baby, could I? I just had to put up with it and her condescending attitude afterwards.

So if its all individual choice and we accept that not all women want to do it without pain relief, why dare to assume I'd be proud of doing it pain free?

mrslyman · 03/08/2013 13:45

Deviscive even

SoniaGluck · 03/08/2013 13:53

MaryKatharine Yes, I agree with you. If you wanted pain relief and weren't given it then that is just as much of a problem as having it forced on you.

It is wrong that you had to experience that. Everyone should be able to have the birth they want unless there are medical reasons against it.

I had the opposite arguments for my fifth baby - having already had 4, all straightforward, a midwife told me that my uterus would be stretched and I shouldn't risk giving birth at home because I would definitely need intervention and pain relief. Hmm

MaryKatharine · 03/08/2013 15:31

I was offered pain relief albeit reluctantly, just not an epidural.

My anger is part not getting the pain relief I wanted and part her assuming afterwards I'd be proud to have got by without it. That's my issue and that's what I don't understand. Just because some women want to do it without pain relief that doesn't mean all do nor does it mean that all women should strive for that if at all possible or that midwives should be of the POV that least amount of pain killers the better.
Where does that mentality come from?

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 03/08/2013 16:21

Mary, what happened to you was unnecessary and unfair and I for one certainly do not agree that pain relief should be withheld. You wanted it and absolutely should have received it.

However, that has nothing to do with the op really. Her issue was with those of us who did choose to go without being proud of the fact that we managed to do without it. You didn't want to go without but were forced to. Which is wrong, and of course you're not happy about your treatment during the birth. However that still doesn't mean that those of us who are happy we managed drug free birth have no right to be pleased about it.

MaryKatharine · 03/08/2013 16:28

No, of course not!
I had my first with a bit of pethidine. DC2&3 were both drug free with one at home and I was also very proud of my body for managing it.
However, for dc4, I felt I'd done all that and I actually didn't want to go through the pain of labour again. I wanted an epidural but as I'd had my previous 2 without drugs, nice and quickly with no tearing etc then they wouldn't accept my request. I just don't see how this can be justified and I'd really like it explained to me if its a cost issue or an ideological one because I struggle to understand.

imademarion · 03/08/2013 16:52

I am having some major dental work done next month.

My plan is to avoid all and any drugs because it will make me very pleased to be able to wank on ad nausem for years to come tell everyone afterwards that the dentist I did it naturally.

I'm going to chant, and I've got some lavender oil packed.

If it gets too much, I have a CD of whale song and an Evian spray to hand.

I might grunt too.

Pain relief is for pussies.

ZingWidge · 03/08/2013 17:02

imade remember to put your lucky knickers on - and by that I mean shit proof

imademarion · 03/08/2013 17:11

Zing, I've been stitching a hessian pair with the date on and everything. Good tip tho, I'll craft a gusset from kapok.

Eldestoffive · 03/08/2013 17:20

I can honestly say first baby was hell!!!!! It took me six years to get over it...I took everything and the epidural didn't work!
Baby two, 13 weeks today hurt like hell but apart from guzzling gas and air,and a couple of codeine...not too bad!
No pain relief = bloody mad!

janey68 · 03/08/2013 17:27

Summerain sums it up: it's about choice.

I couldn't give a shiny shit if other women choose epidurals or csections- because I can manage to get my head round the fact that they are not me. They are separate people who might actually do things differently to me. The above posts show that sadly, some women are unable to get their brains around any other woman who - shock horror- does things differently, and can only cope with it by mocking other people's choices . Makes you wonder how happy they really were with their choices..
Reminds me of the old WOHM/ SAHM threads actually Grin

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 03/08/2013 19:40

It's not about choice though is it?
As I said earlier, many women do desperately want a natural, drug free birth but their experience is very different. How many women genuinely had the labour of their choice?

a) because birth is different for every woman and a lot can go wrong, and the signifiers of severe risk versus the signifiers of a normal healthy birth are not always that clear.
b) because our health service is not set up that way - many women on this thread have told stories of not getting any say in how their labour was managed
C) because there is a whole antenatal industry promoting 'natural birth' and setting women unrealistic expectations or minimising the risks of a non interventioned birth

Many women are extremely upset and traumatised by not getting the birth they envisaged so please stop dismissing it as a "choice" they made.

wharrgarbl · 03/08/2013 19:47

she was able to have a drug free birth as it is better for baby

Highly debatable, except in the very short term.
I was made to feel absolutely like a failure for even considering medication during labour by my hippy fucking dippy ante-natal educator, who was so awful I left every class saying 'I don't know how we're going to do this. I can't do. I just can't'.

I felt like a complete and utter failure with an EMCS. Baby was fine, it was me that was falling paprt - blood pressure through the roof, could hardly eat or breath, vision starting to blur (yes, I was an old bag).
I still have a lingering sense of having done it 'wrong', and this has been emphasised by all those comments like the ones above, about 'giving my baby the best start', giving up my comfort for the sake of the baby, all of which imply that I was too self-involved and a wimp to give my son the best start.
The basic facts are that if everyone is alive and well afterwards, everything else is relatively temporary.
I always think these evangelists for natural everything should spend six months working in a fistula hospital. Those girls and women all had natural births.

janey68 · 03/08/2013 19:50

Yes, some women are unable to have natural births and I think that's been acknowledged on this thread. My point was in response to the ones above which criticised women who do give birth without pain relief. Most pregnancies are medically normal, and 'some' women in this situation choose to have pain relief and some don't. Just because choice isn't always possible, doesn't mean it's never possible.

janey68 · 03/08/2013 20:07

sorry, extra inverted commas crept in there!

FobblyWoof · 03/08/2013 20:08

I think a lot a lot of things during childbirth warrant pride (in ourselves an others).

I had an epidural and I'm proud of myself for it. I made the right choice for me in the circumstances I had, and I managed to make that choice in a difficult time when I was in a lot of pain. I didn't go in to hospital thinking I'd have an epidural and I went a long time coping on g and a but in the end it was right for me (it even meant I got some much needed sleep before the pushing stage and that helped with not needing assistance).

So if no pain relief (for whatever reason) was the right choice for someone else they absolutely they should be proud. Smile

eragon · 03/08/2013 20:09

I didnt so much as write a birth plan but write down a drug list.

sadly only got gas and air, used a tens for early stuff. didnt get very far down the drug list.

was the same for all 4 of my birth. dont think I even got a paracetamol for the stitching/embroidery with my first (forceps) got a ice pop wrapped in a blue (very rough) paper towel to numb the pull of stitches after birth. was grim.

am a total wimp, didnt pluck my eyebrows until I had my first baby.

ZingWidge · 03/08/2013 20:14

with my 6th my birth plan had "I want an EPIDURAL!" written with a red pen on every page.

when on labour ward the midwife quickly looked through it, the shot me a grin and said something along the lines of "you want an epidural then?" Grin

Openyourheart · 03/08/2013 20:14

Because it is like an endurance test. Think of the Japanese game shows. Those guys are proud when they have endured all sorts of pain and nasties. Same as giving birth without pain relief. It means you are hard.

internationallove985 · 03/08/2013 20:20

I didn't experience any pain in giving birth. My D.D was an emergency c/section. (general athesthetic)
However had I not needed a c/section I would have had every pain relief going as you don't get any medals for being brave.

Well done to all of those who did give birth without any pain relief but that's just would not be me. x

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