To not understand why 'no pain relief' in childbirth is a source of pride?

[bronya]

I accept that some people hurt more than others when giving birth, but surely, it's not clever to go without pain relief if you need it? If you want it and can't get it, I feel for you. If you choose one variety over another, that is your choice. Equally, if your body simply doesn't hurt enough to need it, then aren't you lucky!

How is the whole screaming in agony for hours on end, a GOOD thing? I just don't see it. Pain relief is available, why not have it?????

And as far as I am aware, the evidence has since changed and there is no longer thought to be an increase in intervention/c section rate with epidural use. As that was my reason for trying to avoid one last time, I wish the current evidence had been the status quo and I would have saved myself and my husband a pretty terrible (second) night of labour.
I wish I knew why (some) midwives ignore women's pleas for adequate pain relief, place weight and pride on women managing without, or why resources are not in place for women to have what they need at the time. I think this is a feminist issue actually - if men were the birth-givers, do you think for a moment they'd expect/be expected to just put up with it for lack of resource?

"... I know drug free birth isn't for everyone by any stretch of the imagination and I don't think anyones birth should be tainted by pain they can't manage...."

Nope, not 'can't manage', dear, don't want to manage.

There's a huge difference.

Yes, threemusketeers, I think that was the issue with me. I knew I could manage the pain as I'd had 3 previous straightforward vaginal deliveries, 2 without any pain relief. But I didn't want to manage the pain. I'd been there and done that and I wanted a bloody epidural!

i am sure if i had no pain relief i would be telling everyone who showed vague interest

but i didn't and i had a very long difficult labour then ended in an emergency csection so i tell everyone who shows even the slightest interest, even if they don't i st ill like to tell the story of ds birth :)

in other words we talk out our experience of childbirth as it is so important to us

Surely we all agreed pages ago that there is a massive difference between feeling an emotion such as pride, and actually boasting about something.

No one can legislate against what people feel. I have never talked about my feelings about my birth unless invited (and on here of course which is an anonymous forum). But I can feel proud/ amazed / empowered or indeed any other damn emotion about my births

We can always manage pain when there is no choice....we just get on with it. When there's a choice why wouldn't matter?

Would it matter grr bloody predictive text.

Threemusketeers- Some cases are 'can't manage' and others are 'don't want to'.

People are different. I have seen a lot of women in labour and people cope differently. Obviously, those with obstetric complications are a totally different category.

No need to be patronising and use the word 'dear' by the way. It isn't hard to understand what you are saying.

Sorry, you're right, I should have said 'don't wish to endure'. My bad, I'm on my phone and tend to cut corners with my expression which leads to misunderstandings.

My point was, I don't think drug free birth should be the ideal for anyone. I had pain relief written into my birth plans as I knew if it came to it I would take it. I preferred not to as it was important to me to do it without but that's an personal choice. Its not a better choice.

Well mine was certainly a case of not wanting to rather than being unable to and I felt that because of that I wasn't given a choice. I also felt that my midwife didn't seem to understand my POV, hence me asking why midwives seem to think it's something you'll be proud of if they can just get you through with minimal pain relief?

It's cause it makes them "hard" isn't it?

Yeap I'm well 'ard

I don't believe for a minute all these posts saying no-one cares how you gave birth. I think the number of posts on this thread is testament to just how very much women care. They savour every detail of each other's birth experiences and "did you have an epidural?" always comes up in the post-birth visits.

By the way, the majority of women I know who didn't have epidurals desperately wanted them but were refused.

That, I think, is an absolute scandal.

I'm proud of pushing DS's ginormous (barely on the charts) head out despite being on my back with continuous monitoring with gas and air for pain relief (which they whipped away when I started pushing, bastards).

For me the no epidural/no pethidine decision was partly concern over increased likelihood of other interventions, and partly because so little of my 'ideal birth' (eg in water, moving around, certainly not surrounded by half a dozen people watching his heart rate) was happening that it was a way for me to exercise control and choice.

So yes, I'm proud of myself for achieving that. Don't reckon I'm superior or inferior to anyone else, but I think I did pretty well all thinks considered. (It was a VERY big head.)

Plus, drugs that make others sleepy/relaxed have a history of sending me hyperactive. I once ended up standing on a chair singing the Star Spangled Banner after medication. I am not American.

Oh, for heaven's sake I couldn't manage the pain during my first delivery, despite wanting to. For some reason, I thought I may well to die or at best be paralysed when I had the epidural, but it seemed the best option at the time. The midwife told me if I hadn't had an epidural, and my body allowed to rest, I would have ended up with a c-section.

I was refused an epidural during my second labour. Thank God it was only 2 hours of pain. My way of coping was to be on all fours on the floor, and shouting, despite being shouted at to get up strongly advised not to be on the floor due to the possibility of broken glass, and being told to keep the noise down because I was disturbing other women. If I'd had to suffer that another 10 hours, I'm not sure what state I would have been in.

I know I managed my 3rd labour better, due to being at home, and being alone, but blaming women for not managing their pain efficiently when they have been advised the safest place for them to give birth is in hospital is ridiculous.

I wouldn't dream of saying anyone who hasn't at least tried hypnobirithing and a home birth before going to hospital and accepting pain relief isn't doing the best for their baby. But that seems to be the opinion of quite a few MNetters, but hey ho.

How big a head, JassyRadlett ?

I suppose everyone's experience is different, but I was in labour for 24 hours before I was given an epidural and my only regret is not getting it sooner. Most of those 24 hours were increasingly unbearable pain, I was crying, throwing up, and too weak to push during contractions. Ultimately forceps were needed, but because the labour was so long and the midwife did not want to intervene, I have been left with a severely prolapsed uterus.

I am very happy for and envious of women who did not find it so difficult and got through labour without pain relief. It's not for me to say whether my contractions were more painful or whether my pain threshold is lower than others' - but either way that is luck more than anything.

I want to know why the midwife gets to decide whether I can have an epidural or not. Why is that not my decision? If its cost, then why don't they just come out and say this costs too must so we're going to try and avoid giving it to you unless absolutely begging for it and nothing is happening anyway.

VERY BIG. It didn't quite make the 99.8 line, though.

resists temptation to go and check red book for exact dimensions.

Poor little thing had a huge circular bruise on his crown for a week because his poor head got so squeezed. It was such a perfect circle one midwife refused to believe I hadn't had a ventouse birth.

I don't really get the whole pride from having no pain relief in itself thing at all.

My first labour, I had an epidural. I had been contracting for four days at nothing less than twenty minutes apart, so hadn't slept in that time, the baby was back to back and absolutely massive. The epidural had actually completely worn off by the time she came out (after pushing for four hours) but I thank God I was given it (after my DH, sister and Mum had to fight tooth and nail) because if my body hadn't been given the chance to rest that it got before the pushing phase, fuck knows how on earth my daughter could of come out. Oh and bollocks to 'not want to manage'. I was slipping in and out of consciousness before I was given that epidural, my body wouldn't manage full stop.

My second labour I had absolutely no pain relief, wasn't against the idea but was already bearing down by the time any midwife had gotten round to examine me, having been sat on a hard plastic chair labouring for the past two hours in the waiting room . It wasn't a particularly easy labour, but nor was it hard, normal sized baby, right position all phases lasting a textbook amount of time.

The second labour was obviously a much better experience and I actually have some good memories of it, however I feel immensely proud of the first one. That that baby managed to come out of my body at all, by any method is to me a minor miracle and that my body got landed with that shite set of circumstances and still managed to produce a child, regardless of whatever help it was given, makes me proud all day and night long. Like a pp said, the labour you experience is fuck all to do with your mental state and everything to with the presentation of the baby, it's size and your physiology.

I had no signs of labour with my first until my waters broke in the kitchen, I was holding her 28 minutes later in the back of an ambulance. If It had been slower I'd of definitely of had something, even though I didn't have drugs I don't really remember it.

With number two I was shitting myself that it would be similar but it wasn't at all. Waters broke when I wasn't in labour and I ended up being induced. When the pains started I got on the gas and air and decided I'd get something stronger when it really kicked it. The next thing I know I was pushing my son out, I couldn't tell my midwife I was pushing because I was sucking the gas and air and my dh was snoozing on a chair.

Luckily the midwife noticed and whipped my knickers off, dh woke up and after six minutes of pushing he was born weighing 9lb 12oz. IF I have another I've definitely learnt my lesson and I'll be getting dosed up at the first instant.

I agree with poster preggersandmelting, minus the mind yor own business part ;)

I don't think there's truth in the idea that women who choose no pain relief actually feel less pain, where's the evidence for this? Perhaps some of them have a higher threshold for pain, whilst others have a low threshold but still soldier through it because they don't want to deal with the side effects of mediation on labour. I.e it can slow the labour down.
I do think I am of the former group but I swear with each labour the pain has either increased or I am losing my memory in between and imagining it was a more pleasant experience than it actually was. I'm sure the pain is increasing though.

I do feel proud of myself because whether you have meds or not when giving birth it's really surreal it feels like its just you against the world and you have to deliver this baby come what may. So yes I did feel great when all 4 of my children were born, for many reasons not just the non pain relief. I didn't brag about not using pain relief. If loved ones asked I told them otherwise I didn't think to mention it.

I've had 6 kids. epidural & laughing gas are my best friends!

another puzzle - the bigger the baby, the prouder you are. I was. I don't know why, its weird!

With DS1, I never wanted pethadine but was talked in to it after my waters were broken and the intensity of the contractions went beyond my ability to cope. I can't consider pethadine as pain relief- it just locked me into a fucked up world of pain for 8 hours leaving me unable to ask for an epidural or accept/ refuse the second round of pethadine. I was left pushing a jammed back to back baby on gas and air only before the spinal block for an emergency CS.

For DS2, my birthplan had in bold lettering not to offer pethadine under any circumstances because of my previous experience. That left me with gas and air and an epidural as my options. I didn't really want to be beached up on my back with an epidural, but was aware that that priority could change. In the end I laboured on the birthing ball, despite the monitors and just used gas and air and a hypnobirthing CD. Things were pretty intense as dilation progressed quickly and baby was back to back. A spinal block was used at the last moment as baby showed signs of distress and we were whisked off to theatre for what was borderline between forceps or CS. Fortunately forceps did the job 3rd time lucky.

I am proud that I lasted so long using minimal pain relief as I feel that I have fulfilled a natural function of my body- I'm proud that baby came out of the right exit, particularly as he was big and awkwardly positionned, but it's all personal. I'll talk about it if that's the conversation. I have no judgement on anyone else for the method in which their baby entered the world. You do what you do in your own circumstances. I was pretty chuffed when the community MW said I was made of tough stuff though. Birth is a primal thing and it can stir up deep emotional responses that aren't particularly logical.

Didn't read thread. But if a women is proud they she was able to have a drug free birth as it is better for baby why the hell should they not feel proud?