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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very sorry for this wee boy and think my friend is wrong?

52 replies

BrokenBanana · 01/08/2013 13:14

So I often take my child to the park up the road from us, we see the usual faces there.
There's a little boy that comes up with his mum and sometimes his dad. The little boy must be about 4 and is so sweet and good natured, although he is very camp. He likes to take the female role in any game and takes great joy in all things girly. Personally I think he's so cute I could eat him! Whenever the dad comes up as well though he is so horrible to his son, puts him down and proper shouts at him when he wants to take the female role. He really is quite fierce, I would not want to be on the receiving end of his shouting.
My friend thinks the dad is right though, and if she had a little boy who was camp she would not in the slightest bit encourage it, said she would encourage more 'boyish' activities.

Ainu to think there is a good chance this boy is gay and shouting at him for playing games he enjoys is only going to give him issues further on in his life? Would you say anything to the dad? He honestly looks at his son as if he is such a failure to him :(

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 01/08/2013 13:16

He may be or he may not be but I would feel sorry for him too. Poor thing and what awful parents not allowing him to be himself.

Spottypurse · 01/08/2013 13:17

He is 4? How can you or anyone else possibly know if he is going to be gay? And why would you comment on it? Why does it matter? He's 4, he will likely grow out of it, just like my DD who wanted to be Bob the Builder when she was 4.

BuntyPenfold · 01/08/2013 13:19

It's only role play, it isn't being camp to pretend to be the mummy, for instance.
I might say something to the dad, if it could be put in a light-hearted way, if you think that would calm things down. Sadly, a lot of men are similar with little boys, I see it a lot with nursery parents.

curlew · 01/08/2013 13:19

Two things- camp and gay are two different things.

And how the fuck can a 4 year old be "camp"?

Lulabellarama · 01/08/2013 13:20

'He is 4? How can you or anyone else possibly know if he is going to be gay?'

One of my gay friends was amazingly camp from the day he could walk and talk - it may not ALWAYS be the case but being very camp is often a pretty good indication that someone is gay.

YouTheCat · 01/08/2013 13:21

And OP, your friend is an arse.

If the child turns out to be gay, not even the most macho of activities is going to change that fact.

The parents are making the child miserable and that is shit.

Lulabellarama · 01/08/2013 13:21

And my mum, his mum and assosciated friends all recognised it - so it IS possible.

wonderingsoul · 01/08/2013 13:21

i dont see what makes him possably gay?

some children are just more sensative than others..including boys.

yanbu to feel bad for him though. to be shouted at just for being your self is very nasty , vile and wrong. poor lamb.

my best friend has alittle boy like this, he is the sweetest, child i have ever known, his step dad calls him a poof.. said in a joking way and not shouting , but its not the point. i call h im up on it every time he just laughs it off. luckly he has other adults who call him up on it to and the child doesnt seem to be bothered by it.. yet.

fluckered · 01/08/2013 13:21

ye are ALL unreasonable. wtf? he is 4. how can ye tell he is going to be gay. however I feel for any kid being roared at because of what game/role he chooses to play.

Eyesunderarock · 01/08/2013 13:22

'Aibu to think there is a good chance this boy is gay'

Yes.
You really are. The idea of male and female roles should die a death anyway.
You are both being stereotypical and odd. Have you chatted to the mother?

Original poster
BrokenBanana · 01/08/2013 13:23

It doesn't matter to me whether he is gay or not spotty, it's just a relevant part of the story to mention it.

I just keep thinking about him and wondering what his home life is like. I don't think he's being abused or anything, just sad that his lovely personality is being squashed.

OP posts:
curlew · 01/08/2013 13:24

"it may not ALWAYS be the case but being very camp is often a pretty good indication that someone is gay."

No it isn't.

thistlelicker · 01/08/2013 13:25

Wait til he starts playing with dolts and prams and barbies!!!! Quick get the reporter from the daily fail!!!!

Lulabellarama · 01/08/2013 13:26

curlew

From my sample size of perhaps 20 very camp men, they are all gay.
Of course you can have camp straight men - but when you're talking about the extremes, I'm yet to see evidence to the contrary. That says it to me it's a pretty good indication - Not flawless - but pretty good.

Original poster
BrokenBanana · 01/08/2013 13:26

I have spoken to the mum and dad, said "oh he's harmless, most boys like a good role play game. My DS loves dressing up in my clothes and having his nails painted. Totally normal etc" the dad gave me a funny look and didn't speak again.

OP posts:
Lulabellarama · 01/08/2013 13:27

and that's in my persoanl life - not including the obvious examples in the media

MissStrawberry · 01/08/2013 13:27

I think your friend is a twat, the dad is a thug and you are being silly to describe a small child as camp.

Feminine · 01/08/2013 13:28

I have met camp straight men.

It is unusual though.

Lulabellarama · 01/08/2013 13:28

But camp ios just a description of personality - would you say it was silly to describe a child as timid or expressive?

HorryIsUpduffed · 01/08/2013 13:29

His sexuality is completely irrelevant. If he turns out to be straight and camp or still enjoys cross dressing then what difference would it make?

Punishing your child for harmless play (ie not putting himself or anyone else in danger) is deeply unhelpful and unkind.

OHforDUCKScake · 01/08/2013 13:29

Ive had friends that Ive known from infant a school who were camp when we were kids and as adults are gay.

As a child of course you dont know any different really, then when you look back as an adult you think "Ohhhhhhhhh yeeaaaaaaaaah,"

But OTOH, Ive got gay friends who couldnt be less camp if they tried, and I have several male friends who are camp and straight as pins.

OHforDUCKScake · 01/08/2013 13:29

Either way the dad is a wanker.

Feminine · 01/08/2013 13:29

I attended a performing arts school, there all the camp ones have since come out as gay.

thebody · 01/08/2013 13:31

I suspect dad is just a bully and would be the same if the boy was playing rugby or footi, shouting that he's not doing it right etc.

some parents just are bullies.

HaroldLloyd · 01/08/2013 13:31

The campest men I know are straight.

Anyway that's not the point, I hate to see things like this, poor child should be allowed to be himself, whatever he decides to be.

Calling a small child or anyone else a poof in a derogatory way is really shitty as well.

Some of these men should have just got themselves an action man to play with.

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