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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use these tickets?

27 replies

SmilingandWaving · 30/07/2013 20:28

I found out Monday that I've won tickets for a weekend away this weekend! We're all very excited especially as it's the only holiday we'll get this year.

The only problem is that one of my DFs has organised a night out to celebrate her birthday on Saturday night. I said that DP & I would be going a while ago & confirmed that we would be last week. I've sorted childcare, bought a new dress & DF had said we could sleep in her spare room so we wouldn't have to drive.

Today I told her we wouldn't be going because of winning this competition, I had to text her as couldn't get an answer when I called. She's now really annoyed with me & has cancelled the whole night saying she can't be bothered to make an effort if no one else can.

I feel awful. AIBU to use the tickets? Should I have just not used them & gone out instead? I'm genuinely not sure now.

OP posts:
thefuturesnotourstosee · 30/07/2013 20:33

Mixed feelings. what sort of tickets are they? Can you contact the people providing them and ask very nicely if there is any way they can be changed - may incur an admin fee but at least you'd be able to go to your friend's party as well.

Its worth trying to find out if they can be changed. If they can't I'd probably use them but be very apologetic to your friend and offer to do something to make up for it with her another time. That said if she's already stropped and cancelled it completely maybe just go ahead with what you were going to do

nannynewo · 30/07/2013 20:39

I agree with thefuturesnotourstosee and think you should see if they will let you use the tickets on another day. They may only charge you a little bit which will be less than what a normal weekend away would cost anyway!

Try it and see :D although I must admit if my friend was in a major mood I would be very torn but then I am a people pleaser and hate any bad feeling.

MrsKeithRichards · 30/07/2013 20:41

Free tickets or not I think it's unreasonable to drop someone for a better offer.

Original poster
SmilingandWaving · 30/07/2013 20:42

They're actually tickets for Camp Bestival this weekend so can't be changed for a different date.

I thought about giving them to someone else but they have to be picked up on entry by me.

I have been massively apologetic & I completely understand why she's upset. I just think if it were the other way around I'd be saying "that's fantastic, have a great time & we'll do something when you're back".

OP posts:
Original poster
SmilingandWaving · 30/07/2013 20:44

When you put it like that MrsK I do seem like a massive bitch. I think I got caught up in how fantastic it looked. Hmm

OP posts:
orangepudding · 30/07/2013 20:45

I would do the same in your situation. Enjoy the festival!

TheYoniWayIsUp · 30/07/2013 20:45

I wouldn't expect a friend to give up free festival tickets to come on a birthday night out! She is being very unreasonable.

Coconutty · 30/07/2013 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 30/07/2013 20:46

If you were my friend I would fully understand. Can you not arrange a night out with her when you are back?

jacks365 · 30/07/2013 20:46

It is though for you possibly a once in a lifetime opportunity and if I was your friend I'd insist you go but I wonder if someone else has also let her down too.

tripecity · 30/07/2013 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

facedontfit · 30/07/2013 20:47

Go to the festival.

Hulababy · 30/07/2013 20:48

If I was the friend then I would understand entirely - and probably be rather jealous of your good fortune.

Maybe it was because it was via text she is more upset?
Have you explained what the tickets are for?

thefuturesnotourstosee · 30/07/2013 20:49

I see you can't exactly change them then. She can't change the date of her birthday either but she can agree to celebrate it on a different day. If I was your friend, I'd be hurt but I'd understand and arrange something else with you. YANBU

bishboschone · 30/07/2013 20:49

I would expect my friends to understand . Did she definitely understand you won them and didn't just think young fancied something else ?

LindyHemming · 30/07/2013 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/07/2013 20:51

Can see both sides.

Unreasonable and not unreasonable.

I'd feel crap though if it was me.

I wouldn't give up a friends birthday for a camping ticket - but I wouldn't buy a ticket for Bestival, never mind go for free Grin

Carolra · 30/07/2013 20:54

I'd feel sad about my bday if it was me, but I'd still want you to use the tickets. Call her or text her saying you're sorry that she cancelled everything, send her flowers on her bday with a note saying you're looking forward to celebrating with her when you're back.

I think you'd be silly not to go, winning something is an amazing feeling!!

Just make a fuss of your friend when you get the chance Smile

prettyfiestyforasmallone · 30/07/2013 20:59

You must go!! My favourite band in the whole world. .. the levellers are playing. . They are amazing live... go and have a dance for me :) xx

ThisIsYourSong · 30/07/2013 21:04

Your friend is BVU. Yes she can be disappointed you are not going to be there but unless its an important birthday YANBU to go to the festival. It's not like you chose the date

Original poster
SmilingandWaving · 30/07/2013 21:04

Ok so on balance not completely U but need to do a lot of apologising. I was thinking I will send her flowers to say sorry. Her actual birthday isn't until next week so will make sure I call & send card/pressie for then.

Laurie it's definitely the sort of thing I would go to anyway if I had the money, & this one looks amazing for kids. I've never actually been to a festival before which is why I got so excited.

Pretty I will make sure to have a dance for you as long as it doesn't clash with Mr Tumbles appearance as DS would never allow it!

OP posts:
prettyfiestyforasmallone · 30/07/2013 21:09

Enjoy smiling.... I have to admit to being a bit jealous. . If you see the fiddle player from the levellers please can you kidnap him and send him in the post to me :) xx

SarahAndFuck · 30/07/2013 21:14

Have other friends let her down too OP?

It sounds like they might have if she's cancelled the whole night and said that no one else can make an effort.

That's not so say that you are being unreasonable to go on your weekend away, it sounds a bit 'once in a lifetime' for you.

Can you invite her over for dinner or something once you are back and make a fuss of her?

Original poster
SmilingandWaving · 30/07/2013 21:31

She said that another couple had dropped out & other people couldn't commit but then I spoke to another friend who said she'd told her a lot more people were coming than she expected & she'd only wanted a quiet night. So I'm not really sure to be honest.

I will try to make a fuss of her when we're back. DP suggested having them over for dinner or something. Although to be honest I'm not exactly sure she's talking to me now!

Hopefully not a once in a life time thing but having just bought our first home & getting married next year it's not the sort of thing we have the money for at the moment.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 30/07/2013 21:34

I guess some adults are just more bothered or excited about their birthdays than others. I've just had a significant birthday but wasn't bothered about doing much for it, other than with DH and DD. I never make a big deal out of my own birthday though, not since I turned about 18y anyway.Guess for others they see it as something more.