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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give dd food before paying for it?

735 replies

cantsleep · 29/07/2013 22:20

Went to shops today with dcs. Dd was a bit tired and hungry and I wanted to get in and out quickly and home.

She was very hungry and has health issues and needed to eat that minute so I picked something up and let her have it. I have not done this before but couldn't have gone and paid then given it to her and continued shopping as she needed to eat straight away. Usually I have a snack in my bag for her but she had already had that one and I was going to buy more snack bits for her from the shops to replenish the ones I carry for her.

I noticed that a shop assistant was watching us intently and kept seeing her as we went round the shop.

When we got to the till I took the packet off dd for the man to scan and gave it back to her. As we were leaving the member of staff who had been watching approached us with a security guard and asked had we paid for what dd had eaten round the shop. I replied yes we had but she asked to check the receipt which obviously was fine.

She then told me that in future we HAD to pay for food before consuming it. I explained to her that it was a one off as I had run out of snacks I usually carry and dd needed to eat immediately but the security guard said food has to be paid for first.

It wasn't like I do this all the time and tbh as long as the food is paid for does it really matter?

WIBU to have let dd eat her snack before we had paid for it?

OP posts:
thornrose · 30/07/2013 15:41

And as far as food/drink to placate/entertain goes? Pshaw! How many people go out for dinner to celebrate or commiserate.

Going out for dinner to celebrate is very different from eating/being given food to shut you up or stop you from being bored.

Comfort eating happens all the time, that doesn't make it a good thing.

Icelollycraving · 30/07/2013 15:47

All is well in the world of mn,should have been grapes :o
Personally,I think it's within reason to check you had paid.

MissStrawberry · 30/07/2013 15:50

You did what you had to do but maybe you need to have more than one snack in your bag so you don't have to feel crap when a security guard asks if you have paid for something.

When I was expecting I felt incredibly sick and was worried I would faint so I ate a packet of plain crisps and explained at the check out. Couldn't have been more annoyed with me and made me feel very small. Not sure why. I paid. I explained. Maybe I should have mentioned all the empty packets of things people had eaten and not paid for I had seen Hmm.

emilyeggs · 30/07/2013 15:50

I see this all the time in my local supermarket, it's not something I would do to keep my child quiet as he would soon learn bad behaviour pays. I see children eating the olives from the deli, sticking there fingers in! Yuk! What's wrong waiting. It's not yours until you pay, what would happen if your card didn't work, forgot your purse? That's only me though.

Mitzyme · 30/07/2013 15:55

Oh no too late. I paid for it before I ate it tho honestly!

thornrose · 30/07/2013 15:55

I love the fact that if you disagree with supermarket grazing you're accused of being hysterical and judgemental, frothing at the mouth etc.

People seem very defensive about it.

Mitzyme · 30/07/2013 16:00

No Thornrose not defensive, just what Emily said.

sparklesandbling · 30/07/2013 16:00

I have on occasion given DD a bag or gasp, two out of a multipack of crisps and then thrown bag in trolley. Same with cheese.

She has SN and cannot wait, does not understand concept of waiting and is sometimes so obsessive about certain foods (goes in cycles) that will have a meltdown if not given.

Never done it with food that needs to be weighed, do take own food most of time.

If people would like to correct me when out and about then they can do food shopping with her ;)

No internet shopping for me, hate it!

TheSunTheMoonTheTruth · 30/07/2013 16:01

It's probably been said already. But why didnt the shop assistant approach you as you opened it, if you are 'not allowed'. I suspect the reason they said you were not allowed was to save face after basically accusing you of stealing and you proving otherwise. She probably thought 'yey! Got one!' And revelled in catching someone stealing crisps. Before finding out she hadn't. She probably felt quite stupid.

jamdonut · 30/07/2013 16:02

I also think it was within reason for them to check. Its all very well saying that supermarkets budget for these things , but why should they have to?Until you have paid ,your shopping does not belong to you.

And children should not be encouraged to eat around the shop. If they create, that is your look out, not something to be pacified with food that isn't actually yours yet.
Yes, shopping is boring for children. So try and go at a time when either someone else can look after them, or , they are not starving and looking to eat.

I find it really hard to get my head around people thinking it is acceptable,even if it was ,in the OP's case "emergency" food for her diabetic child. How come it was necessary to go shopping when she was already tired and hungry?

thornrose · 30/07/2013 16:03

The people who approve of it are just as vocal in their defence of it though Confused

I don't see hysterical disapproval just a spirited debate on a boring, wet and windy afternoon.

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2013 16:05

Lol at being pregnant as an excuse to eat from the shelves! What happens if you get the same cravings going round Next? Do you have a quick gnaw on a pair of leggings? Grin

And THAT ^^ has to be quote of the week for me! Grin

Mind you, I'd love to read an answer to it.

What do all the parents who use food as a comfort tool, do when their kids are kicking off in a clothes store?

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2013 16:10

sparklesandbling, genuine question...is that not likely to lead to morbid obesity? I mean her having SN and having to have these foods while shopping?

I know you said you hate internet shopping, but is it not in your DD's interests for you to do it?

sparklekitty · 30/07/2013 16:10

My dad used to take my DBF and I shopping every sun. The bakery was half way round and he used to by us one of those big cookies then scan the empty paper bags at the end. That way we were good for the first part of the shop being bribes with a cookie and the second half we were eating it trying to be slower than the other which kept us quiet.

He never had a problem with it

JugglingFromHereToThere · 30/07/2013 16:10

From page 1 "technically it's stealing as it's goods consumed that you haven't paid for"

Well not really, it happens all the time in cafe/restaurants doesn't it ?

I did this rarely when DC were little. Wish it was more openly accepted then I'd have done it more, which might have helped.

I avoided shopping with the DC for years unless essential.

emilyeggs · 30/07/2013 16:10

Not sure if it came across in my post, like I said, it's not something I would do but it certainly doesn't get me all wound up. Just wish the kids taking the olives wouldn't stick there fingers in Wink

oscarwilde · 30/07/2013 16:12

I think TheSunTheMoon has it. I wouldn't dwell on it, take your custom elsewhere or write to their customer service if you feel that strongly about it. I have seen people grazing and ditching the wrapper and doing stuff like adding extra strawberries to a punnet which is theft.

It's a difficult call for the supermarket - if they allow it, then how do they deal with people eating all over the store [HMRC would probably classify them as a restaurant and make them charge vat just to add to their woes] and the manpower required to spot grazers and check if they've paid doesn't bear thinking about.

I say this as someone who has broken open a bar of Green and Blacks just to get through the supermarket shopping while pregnant Blush

sparklesandbling · 30/07/2013 16:14

worraliberty no will not lead to obesity, she has 4 medications twice daily that help to suppress appetite, she also has problems with muscles in mouth which mean that mealtimes are tiring.

And she also doesn't understand when she is tired or hungry.

We watch what she eats and always give healthy choices when we can, she in fact needs to put weight on at the moment.

And no I will not entertain someone else picking my food up and me paying for delivery

sparklesandbling · 30/07/2013 16:15

the suppressing appetite is a side effect btw not a wanted effect

Mitzyme · 30/07/2013 16:16

Well TheSun, joking aside, that has been my issue with what happened to the OP. Harassed mum with DC, followed around shop, nothing said, no check at till BUT then approached with no less than a security guard.
Maximum embarrassment. Ridiculous.

Original poster
cantsleep · 30/07/2013 16:17

It was necessary to go shopping when dd was tired and hungry as, like I have explained already we had nearly run out of her snacks due to her having a difficult week where her blood sugar has been consistently low.

I had given her the last snack I had with me beforehand but her blood sugar dropped further hence her needing another snack.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/07/2013 16:17

Ok sparkles, obviously you know what's best for your DD.

sparklesandbling · 30/07/2013 16:18

thanks after 4 years of dealing with her medical conditions and sn I believe I do

WorraLiberty · 30/07/2013 16:20

I wasn't being snotty btw

As I said, it really was a genuine question.

sparklesandbling · 30/07/2013 16:22

I didn't take it as snotty, sorry if it came across that way :)