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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give dd food before paying for it?

735 replies

cantsleep · 29/07/2013 22:20

Went to shops today with dcs. Dd was a bit tired and hungry and I wanted to get in and out quickly and home.

She was very hungry and has health issues and needed to eat that minute so I picked something up and let her have it. I have not done this before but couldn't have gone and paid then given it to her and continued shopping as she needed to eat straight away. Usually I have a snack in my bag for her but she had already had that one and I was going to buy more snack bits for her from the shops to replenish the ones I carry for her.

I noticed that a shop assistant was watching us intently and kept seeing her as we went round the shop.

When we got to the till I took the packet off dd for the man to scan and gave it back to her. As we were leaving the member of staff who had been watching approached us with a security guard and asked had we paid for what dd had eaten round the shop. I replied yes we had but she asked to check the receipt which obviously was fine.

She then told me that in future we HAD to pay for food before consuming it. I explained to her that it was a one off as I had run out of snacks I usually carry and dd needed to eat immediately but the security guard said food has to be paid for first.

It wasn't like I do this all the time and tbh as long as the food is paid for does it really matter?

WIBU to have let dd eat her snack before we had paid for it?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 30/07/2013 09:42

There's been scoffing,stuffing and scarfing already on this thread.

usualsuspect · 30/07/2013 09:44

Oh and shoving food in.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 09:44

The verb used isn't relevant and I see no assumptions about people being 'common'

Parents who breed the culture of instant gratification come from all backgrounds. I think it's interesting that some people are agreeing that the issue is one for concern and I suspect those who feel insulted are being defensive as they are aware that this is what is happening. In fact I'd go as far as saying we're into a second generation affected by the issue now: it's all too evident in many adults too as Midnite mentioned.

People take short cuts, opt for the easy way out, avoid situations requiring effort. are desperate to ensure that boredom can't arise.

And people wonder why schoolchildren get so quickly bored during the holidays and why people's attention spans and levels of patience are diminishing.

LadyBeagleEyes · 30/07/2013 09:47

Oh FFS Ilovesooty, it's snacking in the supermarket and then paying for it, not the end if civilisation as we know it Hmm.

MummytoMog · 30/07/2013 09:49

I always pick up a tub of bakery stuff and feed it to the kids as I go round. I don't necessarily think it's the right thing to do, but it is the easiest and the checkout people never seem to mind. In fact they think it's hilarious. I'd be a bit embarassed if I was pulled up on it, but I would probably count it as a fair cop guv.

usualsuspect · 30/07/2013 09:50

I'd take the easy way out every time.

MummytoMog · 30/07/2013 09:50

Oops, I am the end of civilisation according to Ilovesooty.

Funny, when I got my first ereader in [stealthboast] 2005, people swore at me and told me I was KILLING books. Oh, lookie here, now everyone has a kindle.

HollyBerryBush · 30/07/2013 09:51

sigh<

Just my tuppence - I cant stand seeing people eat with their fingers, its so medieval. And yes I use a knife and fork at a BBQ too.

Mitzyme · 30/07/2013 09:52

This really really annoys me. Why didnt the checkout person not accuse you of theft and ring for the manager to have you arrested ?
YANBU. My DGD thinks the supermarket is a buffet. Do I care, not a jot.
If you want my custom when I am spending hundreds of pounds shopping then I need peace and quiet to shop.
of course I pay for EVERYTHING she eats.
Put up signs if it's against policy and ensure every member of staff enforces it. But some staff member sneaking around the aisles watching a mum and then not even checking if she has paid but runs off to get security guard is ridiculous. Name and shame. Don't go back.
I am in a bad mood today.

usualsuspect · 30/07/2013 09:54

Do you eat sandwiches with a knife and fork,Holly?

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 09:55

I know what it is, LBE

I'm expressing the opinion that a seemingly small thing which has apparently become socially acceptable is symptomatic of developments in the way wider society behaves and in how expectations are altering. I think that's a reasonable point of view which I'm entitled to express.

jacks365 · 30/07/2013 10:01

My local supermarket has half eaten packets left on shelves so obviously lots of people graze and don't pay. Grazing is so common these days that more and more people think they can hide theft in the masses. We all pay for the thefts by higher prices because I don't believe for a second that supermarkets will tolerate lower profits. If it was much rarer to graze round the supermarkets then someone feeding a diabetic child to avoid a hypo would not cause as big an issue because the theft that does go hand in hand with the grazing wouldn't be as big an issue.

kezLOU1977 · 30/07/2013 10:01

Haha I kid you not '2rebecca' I used to have my son in a sling which could be adjusted so I could breast fed securely and people wouldn't even notice (well unless they were taller than me and were stood close) I breast fed all 3 of my dc's like that when I was out and about, very easy and it meant we could be in and out super quick as my hubby hated shopping but I hadn't passed my driving test then so he had to take me.
Now of course kids are all at school and I can drive so I go on my own :)

Emilythornesbff · 30/07/2013 10:03

I agree with mitzyme
Strictly speaking it's not "our food" until we've paid for it.
But supermarkets have created an almost inhuman shopping experience and sometimes that means a gingerbread man fairtrade banana needs eating before he's been paid for.
So long as it does get paid for then they can suck it up IMO.
One local supermarket has put up an anti aisle grazing sign. So i'm not taking my toddler there but will spend my £120 this week in waitrose instead. Or aldi. Hmm. Undecided.

HollyBerryBush · 30/07/2013 10:04

I don't eat sandwiches Grin finger foods are the province of small children and the inept

Mitzyme · 30/07/2013 10:05

However, I should have said I will not do this when she is older and over ( hopefully ) the terrible two's.

Original poster
cantsleep · 30/07/2013 10:05

Man on the till just took the pack, scanned it and handed it back. Not a word!

As we turned to leave that's when the other staff member/security guard approached. She was almost smug when asked to see the receipt as if I had lied when I said I had paid for the snack.

Anyway, I won't be putting myself in that situation again, I've packed dds bag with snacks, extra snacks and a few more just in case!

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 30/07/2013 10:07

Besides. The "aisle grazing" item for my DS is usually an extra. I wouldn't be buying it but for the purpose of surviving the shopping experience.

frogspoon · 30/07/2013 10:07

LackaDAISYcal:

As you know she has a medical condition, and she was hungry when you went into the shop, you should have quickly bought an item and paid for it and given it to your daughter before starting the full shop

How would this have helped? unless the shop assistant/security guard had witnessed this act of buying it before starting the full shop and if the Dd was grazing as the shop commenced, the OP would probably still have been subjected to the stop and search. Or should the OP have quickly bought something, gone out of the shop and waited for her DD to eat it before commencing the shop?

She could have shown the shop assistant/security guard the receipt for the food she had just purchased.

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/07/2013 10:07

Sock, is that your interpretation or is that actually the law? I ask because these threads come up quite a bit on MN and I'm sure we had a solicitor on once telling us is was theft

Its the actual law and how it was applied by both the police and the courts to the 3 years I spent as a prolific but strange shop lifter as a teenager. It is also the law as it always has been applied during the time I spent working for the youth offending team.

And before anybody jumps in and says but you can't work for the yot if you have a record,well you can if you don't have one because you have never actually committed a crime.

Emilythornesbff · 30/07/2013 10:12

Also. If I had a bag full of shopping snacks available I wouldn't need to go shopping.
I am grocery shopping because we're out of groceries.

lougle · 30/07/2013 10:14

Why couldn't you feed her the biscuits as you queued to pay for them?

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 10:16

I'm sure most people don't leave their shopping until they have absolutely nothing left in the house.

clucky80 · 30/07/2013 10:18

As a type 1 diabetic on the verge of a hypo, a packet of crisps would do zilch for me in terms of raising my blood sugar. I would need something quick and sweet - ie a sugary drink, jelly baby sweets or even at a push a banana. I don't have type 1 diabetes anymore (long story) but still tend to go out with a bag of snacks just in case I start to feel low!
So if your DC was about to have a hypo and you needed to grab something fast acting to prevent it I would say YANBU and as long as you pay at the end I would say that is fine.
It's unbelievable how many times you see half eaten bars of chocolate etc around supermarkets though and at till points where people must have had a crafty nibble and then left the evidence so they didn't have to pay!

ZingWidge · 30/07/2013 10:20

holly

Biscuit