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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to work as a childminder during the holidays.

49 replies

MrsLouisTheroux · 25/07/2013 21:47

I am a teacher and I have been asked to look after a a friend's DS every Monday starting next week because I am off work and she has no childcare.
I am looking after my neices for 10 days (spread over the 6 weeks) because their parents are at work and have no child care.
I also have another friend's child every Friday over the 6 weeks.
I get 65 days paid holiday. The minimum paid holiday is 28 so I understand that I get a good deal but is it right that I am seen as free holiday childcare?
This latest request has p'd me off.

OP posts:
Chattymummyhere · 25/07/2013 21:48

Just say no, I stay at home so doubt will get asked a few time but unless its an emergency I will say no..

I don't stay home for others to earn money I stay home to be here for my children and make work life easier for my other half.

YANBU

Fraxinus · 25/07/2013 21:50

If you like doing it, then just say, yes except these 2 weeks when I am on holiday myself. If you don't want to do it, don't. Hasn't got any childcare= hasn't FOUND any child care. If you said no they'd keep looking.

The 6 weeks can be tricky, I am sympathetic, but you need a well earned rest during the time too, and should say so.

Loobylou123 · 25/07/2013 21:51

Yanbu - your holiday should be just that no matter how much you get. Besides, there is still classroom prep and planning to be done in all teacher's holidays. Just say you can't commit to every Monday but may be able to help out once or twice. Can't say fairer than that :)

Jinty64 · 25/07/2013 21:51

I don't have childcare in the holidays so I pay for a holiday club. Your friends should do likewise. I have friends who are teachers but would never ask them to take ds. If it was just a single day or in an emergency it would be different.

Original poster
MrsLouisTheroux · 25/07/2013 21:52

I hadn't thought about SAHM being in the same situation! My DC's holidays don't coincide with mine next year ( different LA) I think I'll ask that friends use their A leave to look after my DC for me!

OP posts:
MortifiedAdams · 25/07/2013 21:52

YABU. You have been asked thus allowing you to.say yes or no. Grow some balls Grin

GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate · 25/07/2013 21:54

Yanbu, I can see this happening to me when DD reaches school age. Perhaps you should ask those parents to return the favour by representing you at all the school plays, assemblies and sports days you will never be able to attend?

RoadToTuapeka · 25/07/2013 21:54

Yanbu to say no. It was a bit cheeky of your friend to ask! As a one off maybe ok, but an ongoing committment is a bit much. Maybe if she had explained the situation, said she would pay etc that might be worth talking about but you are not given holidays to take on other people's childcare!
Just say no, you have other commitments, no need to feel guilty about it.

Squitten · 25/07/2013 21:54

So just say no. What's the big deal? They can ask but more fool you for doing it!

jammiedonut · 25/07/2013 21:54

Learn to say no. Or charge. They're cheeky buggers for asking definitely!

Original poster
MrsLouisTheroux · 25/07/2013 21:56

Looby I am paying for my DC to go to clubs for 4 days next week so I can get everything done for next year!! It's only 1 week out of 6 but is costing ££s!

OP posts:
nannynick · 25/07/2013 21:56

YANBU

Caring for someone else's child is a responsibility and being tied to do that every week can soon become a burden. Helping out a friend every now and then is fine, doing it every week is expecting a bit much in my view.

Original poster
MrsLouisTheroux · 25/07/2013 21:57

mortified Grin Yes, you are right!

OP posts:
giantpurplepeopleeater · 25/07/2013 21:58

YANBU not to want to, so just say no.

It is only a request after all, and therefore you have the option to politely decline, with or without a good reason.

If she reacts badly, then that is very telling. You are under no obligation to use your time off to provide free child care!!

However, if she is a good friend/ family, might you be able to offer something to help them out?? If I were in a position where I were off, I would like to think I would do a little to help at least. Although like you, wouldn't want to sacrifice my whole holiday

MerrilyWatkins · 25/07/2013 22:00

Ask them if they can have your children every Sunday during term time whilst you do your weekly planning. Seems a fair exchange.

sandiy · 25/07/2013 22:00

Say absolutely that's no problem in return you can have my children at such and such time consider it free baby sitting in evenings so you can go out in term time Or just say no.I think it's a bit cheeky there are countless holiday clubs etc available

Original poster
MrsLouisTheroux · 25/07/2013 22:03

giant I do want to help out and that's why I am looking after nieces and my other friend's DC but that was planned and is on the calendar I know where I stand. I agreed to it. This other friend has got wind of it and is chancing her luck I think. I would have offered if I wanted to do it. I'm just going to say no, sorry, got too much on.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsLouisTheroux · 25/07/2013 22:04

Oooh merrily THAT is a good idea!! Grin

OP posts:
Dahlen · 25/07/2013 22:13

Of course YANBU to not want to do it. YABU possibly for having a moan about being asked. A request is just that - you can say no.

If said friend is an entitled madam who will pout, tell her where to shove it and I'll give you a definite YANBU Wink. Otherwise just say no.

I've been guilty of leaning on friends a little bit lately as I've had a few let downs with my organised childcare. I wouldn't dream of putting on people who are unwilling though, and always express my gratitude through gifts or reciprocal good terms. My friends know they can say no and I'd be mortified if I thought they were pissed off with me for even asking.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/07/2013 22:47

Course you aren't U

It's your holiday time and different looking after neices - plus you have one day a week already planned so if you agree to this the. Will only have 3 spare days a week - over 6 weeks summer holiday that's 18 days - minus the 10 agrees with Nieces so that leaves you with 8 days to call your own if you agree to help

Your friend can pay for holidays clubs / cm / temp nanny or sort out play dates with 6 parents so each one has the child once

Redlocks30 · 25/07/2013 23:02

Just say no-you don't want to be tied down. Don't say you'll do it and then moan all summer and wish you hadn't agreed.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/07/2013 23:27

Oooooh well I don't know MrsLouis , 'tis a rum do you know..........
You are used to a whole class of 25+ little anklebiters , day in, day out.

What's one or two tiny little angelic children for a few days....

YANBU- family ,okay, fair enough. You help out.
But friends, only if you really want to, not because they see you as a freebie babysitter.

NaturalBaby · 25/07/2013 23:31

If they expect you to look after their dc's then suggest it's only fair they look after your's for an equal number of days/hours. They do understand you have planning and marking to do don't they?
Charge the going rate for local childminders and see what your friend says then. Don't forget about any extras for food and activities.

thebody · 25/07/2013 23:32

you are most certainly NOT a childminder unless you are Ofsted registered, insured, have a recent paediatric first aid certificate, home and car insurance, policies and procedures.

you don't legally need these for your nieces as family but you certainly do for a friends child if she is paying you or you are breaking the law.

anyway she's a cheeky cow so tell her to sod off.

you need a break.

Mumsyblouse · 25/07/2013 23:32

I can't imagine the situation where I ask teacher friends to have my children in the school holidays, it's just ridiculous to ask. I might ask a mum who has children to swop once or twice in an entire holiday (I don't even do that) but I just pay for childcare/take time off work and so on. This is really incredibly cheeky and I would just say no to anything else.