TidyDancer's bridezilla thread part 2

[TidyDancer]

New thread. :)

Ignore the sister and don't reply, you'll not be listened to and it'll get nastier.

So what if she agrees with you, it won't change things as they stand.

I don't know the sister as well tbh.

If I reply, I either need to give her the full story or play dumb.

I'd give the full story and make sure she understands that you said no from the outset.

I think you need to be very clear with the sister. It may be the only way to get through to gluezilla.

I think you've been very clear throughout that you were not going to help. I reckon she just assumed that you would do it even before she asked you and is only now realising that actually, you won't!

I think Horry's suggestion gets the facts across in a calm way, no?

In that case I definitely recommend my own wording again. Non confrontational, well-wishing, sympathetic, etc.

I think that you have to give the full story (including copied in emails if necessary) because it is clear that GZ hasnt told the truth about what happened.

I rather suspect that when decorating was mentioned she told her family "Oh TD will be doing it" without actually asking you. So now you have said no she either has to fess up that she hadnt asked you, which she doesnt want to do, or imply that you had already agreed and you have let her down.

Don't play dumb. Just go with YouTheCat's email. If GlueSister wants to choose to believe her loony sister that's up to her, but if she's more sensible she can email you for more details if she wants to and you can bear it

I think she might be winding you up a bit, TidyDancer. She sounds in her emails like she doesn't give a hoot (in a passive sort of a way). Maybe she found this thread and is happy to reciprocate?

I think you need to make it clear that you were only asked to decorate after the dis-invitation, not that it should matter - make it clear too that you have dc to look after. Just out of interest are you renowned for your skills in hall decoration which make you integral to her plan? not that I have a hall to decorate for my 4yr old's party, wasn't thinking of inviting you but sure you won't mind

In which case I'd then just reply simply (echoing BZ's email to you) saying you're surprised that there had been a misunderstanding but that you'd made it clear from the initial request that you weren't going to be helping to decorate the venue of an event that you've not been invited to. Quite apart from the fact that it would cost you as you'd need to arrange child care And no, you're not going to be changing your mind.

The bride knew full well you did not agree to help. She is trying to emotionally blackmail you by turning on the waterworks with a third party about there being a 'problem' between you that she is unaware of which is why you will not now help.

She is hoping that by doing this you will feel sorry for her because she must be very upset for a third party to comment on it.

Or soft enough that you will be embarrassed to continue to say no...

It is nothing but pure manipulation.

Do not reply.

You have said no. You do not need to say it again, tell people why you said no or get into debates to try and change your mind.

I like Horrys wording apart from the bit about "when she had children of her own" because a) you dont know if she will/can and could make things worse and b) it sounds a bit PFB ish.

I would also perhaps say that you were staggered with the rudeness of the original request and her refusal to accept no as an answer.

Full story. But nicely, you know? Avoid using descriptions like 'deluded bridezilla' and 'monumentally self-absorbed'

Horry's is good apart from 'but maybe she will once she has children of her own.' To me that sounds a bit holier-than-thou/more-put-upon-and-busy-than-thou, and I think you need to retain the moral high ground

Or she has found this thread as Treagues says

Ah well this is just kind of script. You didn't want to help,(or couldn't, rather) so she put the please and smilies on you, then you still said no (she didn't care about all the 'why' stuff) and then she told someone else to 'have a word' with you to make you repent and agree to help.

You don't have to respond. You have a couple of options though if you do.

For examples,

1. 'Hi there, thanks for passing that on.

I'm sorry, I didn't get the impression your sister was upset at all. I will discuss it further with her if she wishes but I am still unable to help, etiquette issues notwithstanding.

Regards'

1. Hi there. I think there has been a misunderstanding, I'd rather just sort it out with bridezilla to keep things clear. But thanks for letting me know.

1. Hello,

I understand she was fully expecting me to drop everything to help, however I felt uncomfortable at the idea of being asked to leave before the actual event as I'd always hoped I was a close enough friend to be invited to her wedding.

Hope this clarifies a bit. Please pass on my best wishes to Bridezilla,

Regards'

and so on and so on

When people write about weddings, do they have to talk about special days? It sounds so twee. Do you have to answer either of these emails? It's their drama, you know And MNs of course, but maybe stop feeding the monster.

Yeah, Bogey and Clarice, I was being a teeny tiny bit spiteful there.

Give her a brief but unemotional rundown of the facts. I like horrys wording except i would avoid saying you cant do it, because it is not that you cant it is that you wont (i cant think of anyone that would given the circumstances so please dont take that as anytjing other than a statement of fact).

I would also avoid saying maybe she will understand when she has kids. Parents are capable of being a holes too.

Perhaps you could ask gluezilla's sister to describe the situation as she understands it.

Just ignore it unless you want to supply the Mumsnet horde with more entertainment .

Seriously, ignore her.

Oh my fucking god tidy tell her the truth. Is she bloody mental, what a fucking user

Bogy is right tell the truth, copy e mails tat you sent to her sister, brides ills sounds bloody mental, that is one friendship that should be confined to the bin