Please interact with your kids, not your i-whatsit!

[oldgrandmama]

It's depressing - seeing mums with babies and toddlers in buggies, or toddlers toddling beside them, but what is mum doing? Studying her i-thingie or whatever is the latest gizmo in her hand.

Being ancient and of the opinion that mobile phones were originally just for making and receiving calls and texts, I honestly don't know what the hell she's looking at. Games? The Footsie? Emails? Online book? Surfing the web? Porn? All I know is that there's a little person that she's not interacting with in any way. No doubt this post will bring down the full wrath of Mumsnet on my head but honestly, small kids NEED interaction with their mothers or carers, not to be ignored because it's apparently more important to study some gizmo. Is it really SO important to never take your eyes of the damn thing that you pay your little one no attention whatsoever.

OK - bring on the condemnation. I have broad shoulders!

I am actually quite old school. Have my nose in a (real) book a lot if the time. Does that count?

Can't quite get the hang of phones (apart from the calls bit - too small). We all fight over the 'family' iPad.

Gosh, OP, what broad shoulders you have.

Funny this. I was thinking today, in the context of the summer holidays, how much more stuff I do with my DCs than my mum did with me and my siblings. We got turned out of the house onto the garden or to play out or to grandparents at about 9am. My DB and I ate together (never with adults, not even at lunchtime) and racketed around alone or with mates all day every day. We had about 1 family 'day out' a holiday.

I'm not saying this was good or bad btw, not judging at all, just thinking about the differences. I remember absolute, utter boredom and my DM working or doing housework/cooking. My DM would also chat to friends for a LONG time on the phone. Her bedroom door would be firmly shut and we didn't interrupt her or we'd get a mouthful!

So I'm excusing myself my online/texting time and chipping in with a YABU.

Reminds me of a comedysketch I watched by American comedian Louis CK recently. He was flabberghasted that all the parents at his kids school dance show were there filming the thing on their i-phones and i-pads. Holding it over their faces, filming, watching the show on a tiny little screen. A recording that would probably never be watched again (but posted on FB to be watched by others who are not interested at all in watching your kid's crappy school dance ). WTF's wrong with just being there, watching it, enjoying it?? Just BE.
I was at the Grand Canyon with a friend recently. She didn't bring her camera. I was like, why? And she said (and I'll never forget it), I just want to be here. And to remember it as it is, not through a lens. I thought that was very wise.

OP: AIBU?
Most people: yes!
OP: flounce!!!!!!

So, oldgranmamma, I'm with you. I'm the parent at the park who is NOT on her phone. I might not be interacting with my kids, but I'm sitting there enjoying the sun and watching the scene.
I only MN at work! (don't tell my boss)

I see it a lot too Oldgran.Sorry that the pack is baying.If the shoe fits and all that...

On bus:
woman gets on with a small child (Year R / Year 1)
Mummy.
Mummy

Shut up and sit down

Mummy the chair is the same colour as your jumper

Shut up and don't be a fucking pain

......

Is your mobile phone soo important that you can't answer your child?

Fuck off

(And she eats with that mouth)

I love my iThingy more than my children. It will be with me long after the DCs have fled the nest, Only 5 years to go (not that I'm counting or anything).

See I DO feel guilty about being on my ithingy or android or blackberry or mac or laptop fucking work has me well covered.

Yet if I'm ignoring the kids to wash up or clean I DON'T feel guilty. Why is that?

My girls are independent, active, verbal little monsters and seem happy yet for every second I spend doing something I enjoy like mnetting I feel awful.

I do think since I hit an ithingy not something I had during dd1s first year I have spent less time "active" playing and feel ribble for that, like dd2 is missing out. But having said that I didn't get PND like with dd1 which in my case was due to stress and isolation. I breastfed for a year, partly I genuinely believe because I could stand the mindnumbing boredom of sitting boobs out during growth spurts and weathered the hard first few weeks of a high needs baby due to the support of mumsnet unlike DD1 where I hit the formuka at 8 weeks due to parental pressure and lack of support.

I am a calmer parent as I have used my ithingy to learn routine and helicopter parenting helps noone and I should go with the flow more. And I can earn for my family as ithingys and their ilk have allowed me to work as and when I can rather than office based 24, 7.

So in considering all that surely they should be a plus when used in moderation not A minus to our parenting?

Wow that turned into a bit of a meander through my own confused fence sitting about ithingy mind and I can't type.

when did everything become so child centred ? Who decided this was a good thing? Not so long ago families were much bigger , washing was done by hand , shopping cbought daily everything cooked from scratch, children fitted io they were not entertained yet they grew up talking walking and undamaged

Who are these mythical iThingy-using parents to toddlers of whom you speak?

With my DS (21 months) it's a miracle if I get to look at my iPad or iPhone for more than 2 seconds when he's around. If we're out for a walk, he's off running everywhere so I have to chase him down. If he's in his stroller, he shouts if I stop the stroller to check my phone. If we're on a train or sitting waiting somewhere, he would want my phone off me the minute I took it out. Heck, I barely get to drive without him shouting at me wanting to be included!

I can't imagine there are many toddlers who are any different so it must be parents of babies you're talking about and, to be fair, babies are very boring to interact with every single minute of the day.

I am not even going to use the acronym:

FUCK OFF

I don't look at my i-phone whilst I'm out

DD had it & is watching the episodes of Peppa Pig I've downloaded

Mobiles are useful, and nowadays are people's lifeline and source of information.

I draw the line when mobiles are used to the detriment of real world interactions, courtesy and safety (ie walking down the road, face in the phone screen, not caring who else is using the pavement).

You have a point, oldgrandmama but maybe the example of mums and toddlers in buggies will only have the effect of getting people's backs up, even if the message does have merit, just not targeted towards only one sector of society, at the snapshot in time you saw the mobile being used.

I have seen people out for a meal, checking facebook between courses (perhaps replacing the old inter-course cigarette), (SAD) and people who are so hooked on their phone they are prepared to risk life and limb driving and checking texts (MAD). No children involved there.

Agreed, your point is specifically concerned with how it affects children, my point is "you can't take the milk out of the cappuchino" mobiles are here to stay in modern society and within the law people have freedom of choice to use them any old way they choose, even if we don't agree with that usage.

I just wish there was a way to effectively "police" phones being used in cars, because that could lead to the death of a child, which is even more disturbing than the example you gave.

If you interact with your children all the time, how will they develop imaginations or their own fun games?

Grrrrrrrr those gizmos

Yanbu and I totally agree.

Disclaimer I spend way too much time on the Ipad(hence my early morning posts when the dc aren't around.I don't have a smart because I know what I'd be tempted to do at times that really I should be living in the real world.Without a phone I think it is easier to keep to designated screen times and not continuously let yourself become distracted.

Being continuously glued to a phone 24/7I think it's sad,sets a poor example and I wouldn't surprised if it didn't have an impact on self esteem in kids,concentration and language development.

I've seen mums in shops,on buses,restaurants texting whilst their dc look off mournfully into space- it's bloody rude,says my phone is more important than you and the maj of parents wouldn't tolerate it from their children so why is it ok for them?

I don't get how you can limit screen time for kids and live your life glued to a phone on our finger tips.If your kids see you living life like that then surely they will too if not now then certainly when they're older.Surely living life this will give kids the concentration powers of a gnat.

Then we get onto the missed opportunities for a proper conversation ie language development ops with face to face contact so kids can see how words are pronounced.

Oh and not playing games, texting,checking e-mails,facebook ing 24/7 doesn't mean you're interacting with your dc 24/7 you might be errrr giving them the example of actually having a life where you are aware of the real world and not just what is on a screen.

Buttacat has said it beautifully! If the shoe fits..to all the pottymouths!

The thing is people wondered about women's demise due to the novel, in Jane Austin's day. It was sure to lead to Hell and Damnation!

I think there will always be things around with which we can distract ourselves or lose ourselves in.

I don't believe in ignoring children, at all, but I do think a tiny snap shot of one mother's day is too little evidence to make judgement on her mothering or the mothering skills of a whole generation.

I think you have a good point OP. We are all distracted by iPhones and iPads these days.

I empathise a bit as when dd is busy in guilty of it. But then I get so bored sometimes this can be the only adult interaction I get from 6am to 8pm.

It means some days I have friends. Have a chat. Have stimulation and something other than baby to talk about. This horrid place you despise has helped me through some very difficult days offering support I didn't it couldn't ask for in real life.

But you just see five seconds of me on a train. YOU MAKE ME SICK. Stay away because frankly we don't need you either.

(That's how to flounce properly btw)