To think it's not normal to phone your grown up son 3-4 times a day, every day

[Xihha]

DH's mum phones DH 3-4 times a day, every day, sometimes more. DH moved out of his parents 15 years ago so it's not like he's recently gone and she's missing him or anything like that.

Anyway, I offended DH by asking if he could answer the phone this morning as it's probably his mum anyway, she won't talk to me other than to ask if dh is home, he's now saying I'm bitter coz my mum doesn't phone me that often (trust me, I'm not, I love my mum and we talk often but 3 phone calls a day would drive me mad!)

DH thinks all normal mum's phone their children that often, they don't do they?

Christ, it's not normal to phone that much, what on earth do they talk about!

Dh speaks to MiL once a week and she pops round for an hour on a Sunday afternoon.

some do some dont. It all depends on the closeness and dinamic of the family.

Why does it worry you?

dynamic

No they don't in my experience.
I phone my mum weekly, my offspring phone me about once a month (unless something is going on) and I would have nothing to say to anyone who phoned me that frequently.

My DS is in his 30's & lives in another country. We speak at least once a week & email (usually silly jokes/links/recipes) about twice a week on average.

If he rung me every day I'd be very worried, let alone 3/4 times a day.

Just to add that we have a very good relationship & his wife & I get on very well.

My Dad calls me a few times a day, sometimes for a chat, sometimes to ask a quick question that pops into his head. Its not that much really if they aren't having an hour long conversation each time.

i phone my grownup son about once a fortnight, it is definately not normal

No, they definitely don't!
I speak to my parents once every week or two, my partner speaks with his probably once a week. My mum and I shoot the breeze via Facebook fairly regularly.

Three phone calls a day would drive me insane. I mean, what can two people talk about if they are on the phone three times a day? Mind boggles.

Is it bothering him though? Is he from a culture where this is normal?

If he's happy I can't see the problem.

DSs (left home a long time ago) call me most days, sometimes more than once if there's something else to talk about. I don't often phone them in case I annoy the GFs who I get on really well with.

I don't think they'd mind, they are lovely girls and they often phone for a chat as well - and we all get on fine - but I don't want to take the risk.

Is she recently widowed, or ill?

DH should ask his mates at work how often they talk to their mums. He will find the dutiful ones manage once a week and the rest look guilty.

Talking to parents once a week or so seems about right. That's what I have done since I left home. I've never monitored the frequency with which mr euro speaks to his parents but it's probably about the same.

what do they find to talk about that often! (unless she's ill and is just sort of checking in with him?)

It's not normal IMO. I email my parents daily with little bits of info on my DCs and call them once a week.

However my PILs phone me and their offspring all the fecking time. Literally about anything that pops into their heads. And then stay on the line for ages talking about all sorts.

Seemingly oblivious to the fact that we all have jobs/young children and are quite busy!

I would say it's unusual. I don't see what's wrong with expecting him to answer the phone if the chances are it's going to be his mum - why would he mind that?

That seems much more odd to me than the frequency of her calling.

When we had a landline, I knew that 9 times out of 10 if the phone rang, it would be for me because DH's parents usually got him on skype. I would usually try to answer it because of that. That's normal.

Why does he think you should answer it?

I think it's lovely that he doesn't mind. So a bit unkind to make him feel it's not normal as if it doesn't bother him it's lovely. Or does it intrude too much on family life?- i could see if they're long conversations it would get annoying .

My father spoke to his mum once a week and my brother's the same.

Cantspel, it doesn't worry me, I just think it's odd.

Depends on your family.

I have a big one and we speak at least once a day on the phone and see each other a couple of times a week.

Dp loves feeling part of a family, his don't really bother with him, call once a month etc.

Each to their own.

MIL probably talks to DH once a month. She'll call more often (maybe once every week or so?) but tends to get/talk to me.

My mother and I talk about once a week most weeks, and about the same for my brothers IIRC.

looseleaf, it's not a massive issue, she does have a knack for phoning at awkward times though and they are quite long conversations.

Not normal for me either. When my parents lived further away, I spoke to my mother once a week (for ages). My dad is quite lonely and used to ring me nearly every day. Tha drove me nuts and it was only once a day. DH speaks to his mother about once a month (when I remind him to).

Its not normal at all! I speak to my mum once or twice a week-at most! And DH speaks to his mum around the same amount as I speak to mine.

I'm curious to know what on earth they manage to talk about if they speak that often?! I struggle to hold a 20min convo with my mum even if its the first time I've spoken to her in a week!

I have a friend whose boyfriend's mum used to do this, and the conversations would take up half the evening. I guess the issue is whether these conversations are taking over time spent with you, or topics you would have discussed. I would find 3/4 times a day excessive, but then I do speak with my mum once a day (or perhaps slightly less if busy) and some people might find that too much. Is it bothering you? I would expect him to answer the phone more though, without making arsey comments, given it is likely to be his mum.

When my mum was alive, we spoke several times a day on the phone. Now she's gone, and I'm closer to my dad, we speak at least once a day; yesterday it was 5 times as we both forgot things when we rang! Maybe this is where I'm going wrong...

We speak about 2 or 3 times a week, unless there's something else to discuss or pass on. Also the odd text if needed, or a lovely pic of my grandchild. I'd find every day for no particular reason stifling, and more than once a day just as a matter of course isn't normal, no.