To think it's not normal to phone your grown up son 3-4 times a day, every day

[Xihha]

DH's mum phones DH 3-4 times a day, every day, sometimes more. DH moved out of his parents 15 years ago so it's not like he's recently gone and she's missing him or anything like that.

Anyway, I offended DH by asking if he could answer the phone this morning as it's probably his mum anyway, she won't talk to me other than to ask if dh is home, he's now saying I'm bitter coz my mum doesn't phone me that often (trust me, I'm not, I love my mum and we talk often but 3 phone calls a day would drive me mad!)

DH thinks all normal mum's phone their children that often, they don't do they?

Not normal. I speak to my mum every couple of days, DH phones his parents once a week.

Is he still tied to her apron strings was my first thought. Seems unhealthy to me.

should of explained she's not ill, not recently widowed or anything like that and she has a husband, daughter, works and has lots of friends so I'm guessing she's not lonely. DH is from a working class english family so it's not a cultural thing either.

I think it would bother me far less if she could stop phoning at awkward times, but its always stupidly early in the morning, during dinner and when I'm trying to go to sleep.

If he's working class English I would say it is a cultural thing, actually. All the people I've known who spoke to their family every day like this and were all in each other's lives on a daily basis were from a working class background. I think it's something to do with not moving to another part of the country for 3 or 4 years to go to university, and then almost inevitably winding up moving to London for career etc. I am not knocking it at all though, and in some ways I envy it.

There's a difference between one phone call a day though and three including during dinner! I'm sorry but if it is disrupting your normal family life then it is too much. Also, I bet he doesn't call her, it's always her calling him so the timing is then wrong for you. I would get an answerphone with screening for mealtimes at least.

Normal for some - not for others.

MIL used to phone DH several times a day when we were first married - definite over kill as she lives 5 minutes down the road.

However, she pushed the boundaries too much with DH and they ended up not speaking for several months.

Things have since settled down between MIL and DH but we often can go a whole week without hearing from her on the phone, although we always see her once a week as she has the dc for tea.

Now it is DBIL's turn to get all the phone calls

Alconleigh my family would instantly disprove that theory then...

But why is it so abnormal to have a close family? Different things make different people happy and some really enjoy having the massive parties, meeting up for coffee, daily phonecalls etc.

If your family isn't close then that is just the way you are / have been brought up. And visa versa.

I wouldn't say either was odd.

Good Lord.I didn't speak to my DS 3 times a day when he lived at home.What on earth do they talk about?How odd.

I can easily speak to ma on the phone 5 times a day but that is usually "Going shopping, do you need anything?"
"I am making X for dinner, do you and Pa want some?"
"Did I leave my glasses at yours?"

etc!

But 4 full on conversation per day is OTT. What do they talk about?!

Haha we have this discussion sometimes. Pils phone and text and email both of us numerous times per day. My parents phone if someone's died, and occasionally email to say hello. We both find each other's family weird.

I usually talk to my mum and dad between one and three times a day on some days - but then, she is very involved with my dc and lives close by so we are in and out of each others lives quite a bit. My brothers phone when they've got something to say. I usually answer the phone in our house because I know there is a good chance it will be my parents.

If I was expected to chat to my Ils 3 times a day I would go nuts and would turn down the volume on the phone!

If they are both fine with it its normal for them. Anything else is irrelevant.

No, I don't think its normal either. Does MIL have any other odd behaviours OP?

The only mothers I know who phone their DC this often are usually rather controlling people. Sorry to say but it sounds like she can't let go of her grown up son. This is not normal and it must interfere with your life together as a couple at times.

It is perfectly reasonable to ask her not to phone at certain times (very early or late and during meal times) or to let the answering machine take a message.

It sounds like the real problem is with your DH not being able to stand up to his DM. Do you get on well with her?

When my Mum was alive and I was a single Mum we used to chat on the phone once a day, but that was because she was retired and I was lonely so we'd chat while watching the same thing on TV or while I was wandering round the house doing chores.
When I was with my ex I used to ring maybe once a week.

We are very slack, mum and dad are very busy, in different places / holidays / loads of friends so we call if we need to but no set pattern.

My ex SIL spoke to her mum all the time, I think she just told her mother EVERYTHING, all conversations were relayed in full. Including arguments, so if my poor brother fell out with his wife it was relayed and used against him by his MIL. Strange, over controlling women. He is must happier with his second wife.

Perhaps start unplugging the phone line when you go to bed until you get up in the morning and during meal times? I know I would if my mum or mil rang as much as your mil and at such annoying times. That way it can't intrude on your life and when she next rings (and gets an answer) you can explain to her exactly why the line was dead when she tried to ring. It may stop her calling so often or at the very least may make her re-think her behaviour/timings if she's left with no other option :)

to give you an idea of what they talk about, this mornings conversation was about how she'd met a dog on the way to the shop that was ever so cute, yesterday afternoon was that her neighbours had invited her to a bbq...

Zazzles yes, lots, most of them quite annoying.

mouldyironingboard No, I've tried to get on with her but the only time she ever speaks to me is to criticise me, often about things that don't even matter or to make little digs at me. If i answer the phone all i get is 'is dh there?' then she either waits for him in silence even if i try to start a conversation or if hes not in she just hangs up.

I would be tempted to get caller display and not answer the phone to her any more. Why should you give her all these opportunities to be rude to you?

In light of what you've said about MIL in your last post, then no, ringing 3-4 times a days is not normal, especially if there are loads of other odd behaviours that are really annoying.

Does MIL also seem to have trouble 'cutting the apron strings' with your DH? The fact that she won't talk to you when you answer the phone is rather alarming - she sounds like she is a few slices short of a loaf...

No, it's not normal. And he called you bitter because your mum doesn't do the same!

Why isn't he answering the phone then? That would bug me more.

And it sounds like she deliberately phones to intrude on times that should be for the two of you.

Tell him to use his mobile and answer the phone himself, you're not some servant to carry the phone between the two of them.

It's perfectly normal as long as you're husband is related to my husband and they share the same mum! MIL phones H every single day, several times. When she can't get through to him she calls me to ask where he is. H is in his forties. He thinks it nothing unusual and says that's what 'normal' families do, haven't got the energy to tell him to that his family esp his mum is a fucking control freak with boundary issues that he is quite clearly v wrong.

I can't remember when I last talked to my father on the phone. My mother rang just before she went abroad a couple of weeks ago, I think.