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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you shouldnt allow kids around him?

67 replies

mouseymummy · 23/07/2013 20:20

I live on a very close knit estate (think "ive forgotten what I need to do today, ask at the local shop, someone will know" type place) lived here for 4 years, yes my ndn are a little bat shit sometimes but mostly its not too bad.

There is an odd family across the road, there is a mum, daughter and son who live there full time and a variety of vagrant types there for a few weeks or up to 6 months. It's odd to me but probably perfectly normal to some.

Last year was different though, they asked for some help with some house repairs and garden bits and my dh agreed to help them out, while he was there he was told by the mother that her nephew was coming our of prison and coming to stay in the next few weeks. Dh asked what he had been in for and it turned out to be images of kids... Dh walked out of the house, banned dd1 from playing in their garden and told me why.

I know that the lad was not allowed to come live there and the family got quite a lot of abuse from the local thugs but everything has calmed down.

Until past night. Turns out, the sons beat mate has been staying there for a while (both around 22ish) and something just didn't seem right about the mate. He was too friendly with the local teenagers, walking them to the shop (literally around the corner and across the road). A few parents have sparked off concerns and last night it came out that this guy is currently on bail for sex offences. Ffs!

What's pissed the neighbourhood off is that they all knew and have allowed this to go on, the way people are seeing it is, they put the kids who go into the garden at risk and allowed the young girls to be put at further risk by him walking them to the shop etc.

The friend ran off last night and hasn't been seen since, the police have been on the estate because he's skipped bail yesterday.

The whole estate is gunning for them all now.

Aibu to not feel sorry for them, they knew what the reaction was last time and they did it again. The daughter tried to come over towards me and my dds earlier when I was on my way home from shopping and I just said "rape and child abuse sympathasers get no help or sympathy from me, you brought this on yourself" and walked off.

OP posts:
DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 23/07/2013 20:26

I am genuinely not sure, children need to be kept safe without a doubt... But your post sounds a bit reminiscent of witch hunting... Quite hard to tell what's really going on.

tittytittyhanghang · 23/07/2013 20:32

YANBU. But be prepared to be flamed. Im sure you'll get the you dont know the whole situation or he has served his sentence blah.

zookeeper · 23/07/2013 20:35

You sound really horrible

wannabedomesticgoddess · 23/07/2013 20:35

I am not sure why the daughter should have been labelled a "rape and child abuse sympathiser".

Surely she cannot control what's happening anymore than you can?

Other than that, keep yourself to yourself and let the police deal with anyone they need to.

NatashaBee · 23/07/2013 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floralnomad · 23/07/2013 20:38

What happened to innocent until proven guilty ? Its your responsibility to know where your children are and who they are with not the woman over the roads .

JakeBullet · 23/07/2013 20:43

Is the daughter an adult?

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 23/07/2013 20:43

The daughter tried to come over towards me and my dds earlier when I was on my way home from shopping and I just said "rape and child abuse sympathasers get no help or sympathy from me, you brought this on yourself" and walked off.

YABU to have a go at a young girl who wanted to play with your dd.

YANBU to want to protect your children from a known sex offender and to assist the police in their enquiries about the 'friend' who has skipped bail. I do have to say that him disappearing and going underground is exactly WHY it's such a bad idea to have sex offenders' details made public knowledge. They have to live somewhere and for the sake of protecting children, it's imperative that the police can keep tabs on their whereabouts and not have them driven off by pitchfork-wielding vigilante idiots.

dufflefluffle · 23/07/2013 20:44

I don't think you sound horrible - I think you sound scared of real threats to the safety of your children and I cannot imagine any parent who'd be comfortable living in such close proximity to either of those people.

catgirl1976 · 23/07/2013 20:47

Why not gather in the square tonight and light burning pitchforks?

YANBU to feel concerned to know there are people with such backgrounds in your neighbourhood.

YABU to be pleased the whole estate is "gunning" for them and to comment like that to the daughter. If the daughter is a child you are being incredibly U.

zookeeper · 23/07/2013 20:48

Why take it out on the daughter though?

Vivacia · 23/07/2013 20:55

Why did you take it out on the woman living with them. Why is she a sympathiser? What would you have her do? What would you do if, god forbid, your child is convicted of a sex crime?

I wouldn't want a sex offender living in our village, but if this was the situation (and I guess it might be) I'd much rather have the police aware of where s/he is.

CeliaFate · 23/07/2013 21:03

I don't think YABU to not feel sorry for them. But I think you should have gone through the appropriate channels. This is why sex offenders go underground.

If you'd contacted the police, they would have been able to either check he shouldn't have been living there without supervision, or could have sent his parole officer round.
I would be asking questions about a family who knew two convicted sex offenders and allowed them to stay in their house.

Original poster
mouseymummy · 23/07/2013 21:04

As far as I'm aware the dd is 20something, I think around 24ish but I'm not sure. I realise I shouldn't have said anything to her but I was angry. She was quite clearly approaching to say something as there was no one else around. Surely, if the dd disagrees with it, she could at least voice her concerns but from what I saw last night she was defending him and abusing everyone else so I did say something.

The police don't arrest people if there is no evidence or at least a doubt of innocence. He didn't once protest his innocence either... That says a lot to me.

I don't intend to take the law into my own hands or anything, tbh, I've got 2, soon to be 3 dc. I've got much better things to do (like sleep) than join in with the local lynch mob that has stepped up again.

OP posts:
Pawprint · 23/07/2013 21:05

The rude and hostile way you spoke to the you girl was wrong.

For all you know, she could be a victim too.

CeliaFate · 23/07/2013 21:05

*Sorry, I've just re-read the OP. He hasn't been convicted, he's on bail.

CeliaFate · 23/07/2013 21:06

The police don't arrest people if there is no evidence or at least a doubt of innocence.
Um, yes they do.

ilovesooty · 23/07/2013 21:07

A few parents have sparked off concerns and last night it came out that this guy is currently on bail for sex offences. Ffs!

I'd rather like to know what this sentence means: specifically "sparked off concerns" and "it came out".

Dahlen · 23/07/2013 21:08

I'm assuming the daughter is an adult, in the same way I'm assuming the son is an adult because he's served time in prison. Am I right?

If so, that's different to you talking to a young child in the way that you did.

All that said, we have a criminal justice system. It is not the job of people on the street, who don't know the full story, to dispense summary justice.

The mother has every right to have whomsoever she chooses residing at her house. Seeing as we're in the realm of speculation, you might also wonder if she actually had any choice - if her son is a violent sex offender, she may be intimidated by him and feel unable to say no to him or his friends staying there. The daughter probably has even less influence. THis is clearly a troubled family who don't have the ability to stand up and say "this behaviour is unacceptable, I refuse to be associated with it and I am off".

I don't blame you for not socialising with them. I wouldn't either. But let's not forget that it is every parent's job to check that adults with whom they let their children associate are safe. After all, paedophiles and predators don't exactly volunteer that information. You could point the finger of blame at the other parents on the estate for being so cavalier about their children's welfare - especially when this family had form for this sort of thing.

Original poster
mouseymummy · 23/07/2013 21:09

Cella, I'm yet to meet anyone arrested by the police for ANY crime to have not had some form of evidence (including flimsy efits etc) that it could have been them commiting the crime. But that is my experience, it may not be your own.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 23/07/2013 21:10

He didn't once protest his innocence either...

How do you know?

Floralnomad · 23/07/2013 21:11

Just out of interest where do you think people who are on bail awaiting trial should live then ? Guilty or not the man shouldn't have to protest his innocence to a lynch mob ,he's not answerable to you and your horrible neighbours unless you happen to be on the jury when his case comes to court . From your attitude I hope you never do jury duty as you obviously think that if you've been arrested that is proof of guilt .

ilovesooty · 23/07/2013 21:12

From your attitude I hope you never do jury duty as you obviously think that if you've been arrested that is proof of guilt

Good point.

Salmotrutta · 23/07/2013 21:13

Sometimes the police arrest in order to question.

Then release if there is no evidence.

You realise there is a difference between "arrest" and "charge".

And if he's on bail he hasn't come to trial yet. So you don't yet know if he's guilty or not.

SoleSource · 23/07/2013 21:14

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