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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you shouldnt allow kids around him?

67 replies

mouseymummy · 23/07/2013 20:20

I live on a very close knit estate (think "ive forgotten what I need to do today, ask at the local shop, someone will know" type place) lived here for 4 years, yes my ndn are a little bat shit sometimes but mostly its not too bad.

There is an odd family across the road, there is a mum, daughter and son who live there full time and a variety of vagrant types there for a few weeks or up to 6 months. It's odd to me but probably perfectly normal to some.

Last year was different though, they asked for some help with some house repairs and garden bits and my dh agreed to help them out, while he was there he was told by the mother that her nephew was coming our of prison and coming to stay in the next few weeks. Dh asked what he had been in for and it turned out to be images of kids... Dh walked out of the house, banned dd1 from playing in their garden and told me why.

I know that the lad was not allowed to come live there and the family got quite a lot of abuse from the local thugs but everything has calmed down.

Until past night. Turns out, the sons beat mate has been staying there for a while (both around 22ish) and something just didn't seem right about the mate. He was too friendly with the local teenagers, walking them to the shop (literally around the corner and across the road). A few parents have sparked off concerns and last night it came out that this guy is currently on bail for sex offences. Ffs!

What's pissed the neighbourhood off is that they all knew and have allowed this to go on, the way people are seeing it is, they put the kids who go into the garden at risk and allowed the young girls to be put at further risk by him walking them to the shop etc.

The friend ran off last night and hasn't been seen since, the police have been on the estate because he's skipped bail yesterday.

The whole estate is gunning for them all now.

Aibu to not feel sorry for them, they knew what the reaction was last time and they did it again. The daughter tried to come over towards me and my dds earlier when I was on my way home from shopping and I just said "rape and child abuse sympathasers get no help or sympathy from me, you brought this on yourself" and walked off.

OP posts:

ANormalOne · 23/07/2013 21:45

Isn't there different types of bail in the UK? I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure you can actually be bailed by police without charge but you have to return to the police station if the police request you do?

I could be talking complete bull here though.

ImNotBloody14 · 23/07/2013 21:47

" What I am saying is, why allow this guy, who there is (even a small amount of) doubt over to walk to the shop with girls similar in age to his accusers??"

is this man an adult? no-one can stop him walking to the shop with someone else if that is what he is intent on doing. you cannot physically hold someone in your house against their will.

Salmotrutta · 23/07/2013 21:48

Apologies - I'm in Scotland where police do not grant bail.

But having googled , I see they can in England.

ilovesooty · 23/07/2013 21:48

ANormalOne: yes.

www.yourrights.org.uk/yourrights/the-rights-of-defendants/bail.html

HeySoulSister · 23/07/2013 21:48

Who should be allowing/not allowing?

ANormalOne · 23/07/2013 21:48

Also, where are the parents of the girls? Why are they allowed to walk alone to the shops with a guy that people clearly don't know from Adam.

CubanoHabana · 23/07/2013 21:48

One particular chap I dealt with, had special needs, was set up and arrested at 22, at 40 he was released and had sentence overturned and received £100000 interim payment for wrongful imprisonment, with more due. HIs own needs were so great that we had to take him food shopping and show him how to do it, the money means nothing to him, the missing years, everything. As far as the police were aware there was evidence but completely unfounded, for all you know, it may be child images on neighbour friends computer that others had access to and he has been blamed. Just think it is very difficult to judge when you don't know the facts...

QueenofallIsee · 23/07/2013 21:49

This kind of thing pisses me off. This country is founded on a legal system that requires evidence, court proceedings and judgement by a nominated jury of the defendants peers. It is up to a court to decide guilt and punishment not an estate of people with a mob mentality. If you feel strongly about appropriate handling of offenders I assume you have also lobbied MPs? Signed petitions that are NOT in the tabloids screaming about hanging? Investigated alternative options?

I would also take precautions i.e. limit my kids contact and what not but abusing people in the street? Utterly ridiculous

Salmotrutta · 23/07/2013 21:50

ilovesooty - not in Scotland. Police do not bail up here.

Apologies for my mistake!

ilovesooty · 23/07/2013 21:50

Stefan Kiszko anyone?

ANormalOne · 23/07/2013 22:01

I know someone who was on the sex offenders register for statutory rape, the victim was a 15 year old girl whose mother had been dropping her off at his house to have sex with him and had lied to him about her age throughout their relationship, a teacher spotted them together on a night out at a pub and reported it.

He was hounded out of three houses by people listening to rumors and abusing him, he ended up killing himself.

I'm not saying that all people who are bailed or accused of sex crimes are innocent, that's patently not true, but we should rely on the court system to decide whether they're guilty or not, not the court of public opinion.

Boomba · 23/07/2013 22:29

a friend of mine was arrested for MURDER!!! I shit you not. He had no involvement whatsoever, he didnt know the victim, or anyone who knew the victim, had never been to the place the murder happened, hasnt so much as points on his driving licence.....the police do wrongfully arrest people!

Salmotrutta · 23/07/2013 22:32

Did they charge him Boomba?

Or arrest, question and release?

ThatVikRinA22 · 23/07/2013 22:41

this is massively dangerous OP - and i mean YOU not your neighbour.

im a cop - anyone can be arrested on suspicion of an offence - it does not indicate guilt.

you seem to know an awful lot of private info on these people - or would that be gossip? how do you know he skipped bail? how do you know what he did or did not do?
its mob rule and makes me incredibly sad.
the reality is that people live out in the community who would seriously not want your family mixing with - but its doubtful you would know who they were.
my driving instructor was a lovely lovely bloke....until he went to prison for child sex offences. you would never have known. thats the reality. every day we get updates and bulletins on who is leaving prison etc....where do you think they all go?

i would bet my bottom dollar you have no facts - only speculation. I would urge you to button your lip and exercise caution when throwing spurious accusations about unless you have it from a verified source that what you are telling people is true.

Boomba · 23/07/2013 22:46

salmont he was pulled over whilst driving because they thought he didnt have his seat belt on (he did) and whilst they were talking to him they decided he was a person wanted for murder He was arrested, questioned, released on bail....he had a court date, the charges were dropped the day before!! Very very very stressful, and massively weird. He had a helluva job apparently having it removed from his record

Floralnomad · 23/07/2013 22:46

Well said vicar

missmarplestmarymead · 23/07/2013 23:24

Very frightening that at any moment the OP or one of her neighbours could be called for jury service. It really is about time it was shelved and a system resembling the French system be introduced.

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