Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to think you shouldnt allow kids around him?

67 replies

mouseymummy · 23/07/2013 20:20

I live on a very close knit estate (think "ive forgotten what I need to do today, ask at the local shop, someone will know" type place) lived here for 4 years, yes my ndn are a little bat shit sometimes but mostly its not too bad.

There is an odd family across the road, there is a mum, daughter and son who live there full time and a variety of vagrant types there for a few weeks or up to 6 months. It's odd to me but probably perfectly normal to some.

Last year was different though, they asked for some help with some house repairs and garden bits and my dh agreed to help them out, while he was there he was told by the mother that her nephew was coming our of prison and coming to stay in the next few weeks. Dh asked what he had been in for and it turned out to be images of kids... Dh walked out of the house, banned dd1 from playing in their garden and told me why.

I know that the lad was not allowed to come live there and the family got quite a lot of abuse from the local thugs but everything has calmed down.

Until past night. Turns out, the sons beat mate has been staying there for a while (both around 22ish) and something just didn't seem right about the mate. He was too friendly with the local teenagers, walking them to the shop (literally around the corner and across the road). A few parents have sparked off concerns and last night it came out that this guy is currently on bail for sex offences. Ffs!

What's pissed the neighbourhood off is that they all knew and have allowed this to go on, the way people are seeing it is, they put the kids who go into the garden at risk and allowed the young girls to be put at further risk by him walking them to the shop etc.

The friend ran off last night and hasn't been seen since, the police have been on the estate because he's skipped bail yesterday.

The whole estate is gunning for them all now.

Aibu to not feel sorry for them, they knew what the reaction was last time and they did it again. The daughter tried to come over towards me and my dds earlier when I was on my way home from shopping and I just said "rape and child abuse sympathasers get no help or sympathy from me, you brought this on yourself" and walked off.

OP posts:

RoxyFox211 · 23/07/2013 21:16

Yabu to say that to the daughter the problem is in the law & the people who commit these crimes, not with their families! Ok, so they could not let them stay, but then they would just live somewhere else on another estate with someone else's kids... ! The problems not going to go away by you taking the law into your own hands (so to speak) and ganging up and bullying the entire family. I suggest the rational response is to talk to the police about your concerns and keep a very close eye on yours Dcs whilst you know these men are around.

Original poster

mouseymummy · 23/07/2013 21:16

Ilovesooty, one of the parents confronted him about him walking her dd to the shop and an argument broke out on the street and he said something about being questioned by her "being interviewed by the fed last week". She made a remark about what it was for and didn't let the subject drop and eventually she got it out of the brother.

Dahlen, the ds hasn't been in prison (afaik) the guy is his best mate and has been bailed to that address.

OP posts:

CubanoHabana · 23/07/2013 21:16

In my school, we have a 15 nearly 16 year old who has just had a baby, she is in a loving and stable relationship with the just turned 20 year old partner, clearly, the law was broken and questions are to be asked about the 20 year old having a sexual relationship with the girl, however, due to her age, he has been prosecuted and placed on the sex offenders register. She is from a traveller family, who have thrown her out. She very much wants to move in with him but is not allowed until she turns 16 and he is not allowed unsupervised access with her or the baby until then either. From all sounds of it, this baby was planned. Unfortunately he now has the label of sex offender (please note I in no way do i condone their behaviour), for all you know, a similar issue could have happened with this young man - doubtful but you just don't know...

HeySoulSister · 23/07/2013 21:17

Sexual offences? Against whom? What happened?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 23/07/2013 21:18

You were angry. At what? Keep your kids safe and get on with your day, what do you have to be angry about?

There are going to be criminals living alongside non criminals, there are going to be things in life that you need to protect your kids from. But, however much you want to dictate who can and cannot live in houses near yours, you just can't. What goes on in their house is their business and any criminal activity is for the police and courts to deal with.

ilovesooty · 23/07/2013 21:18

She made a remark about what it was for and didn't let the subject drop and eventually she got it out of the brother

She sounds charming, I must say.

CeliaFate · 23/07/2013 21:19

I agree Ywere NBU to not want to feel sympathy with the family, but I'm just thinking of rape cases I've read about where men have been arrested, publicly named and put on remand then it comes to light that the woman's made it up. People lie, the wrong people get arrested and sometimes wrongly convicted.
I'm not saying that's the case here. I would have rung the police and got their advice in your scenario.

ilovesooty · 23/07/2013 21:19

In fact, there are very probably sex offenders in your neighbourhood. You just don't know about them.

Original poster

mouseymummy · 23/07/2013 21:21

Floral, I can't say as I have a suggestion for that tbh. What I am saying is, why allow this guy, who there is (even a small amount of) doubt over to walk to the shop with girls similar in age to his accusers?? Why not keep an eye on what he is doing and if needs be, speak to the officer in charge of bailing him?

Why allow it to get to the point that there is that lynch mob on your door??

OP posts:

CubanoHabana · 23/07/2013 21:21

Also mousey in my previous job, I worked as a solicitor, specifically dealing with miscarriages of justice with regards to wrongful imprisonment. Following several judicial reviews, several men were released from prison after serving a minimum of 10 years for murders that they did not commit. Yes it doesn't happen often but it still can and does happen... So I'm sorry but to say that people don't get arrested unless guilty is rather misleading.

On the other side, one of the reasons I changed careers is because I also did some criminal defence cases and couldn't handle defending paedophiles and can see as a parent where you would be worrying.

mynameisslimshady · 23/07/2013 21:24

Sounds like a bunch of village gossips finding out vague bits of information and making up their own stories to fill in the blanks so you can all start a witch hunt.

I have been on the receiving end of being the subject of a vague bit of gossip that snowballed and snowballed and my life was hell because of people like you.

There may be truth in it, there may not, but there are proper channels to go down to find out information that is relevant to you, standing about gossiping with the neighbours and victimising a family is not the way to go about it.

LEMisdisappointed · 23/07/2013 21:24

I am pretty sure that anyone who has been imprisoned for sex offences concerning children would be in breach of parole if they went to stay with someone who has children. I would have thought the same for bail too.

LEMisdisappointed · 23/07/2013 21:25

What is the "fed"????? This is starting to sound like a cross between jeremy kyle and jerry springer

ANormalOne · 23/07/2013 21:26

I know that the lad was not allowed to come live there and the family got quite a lot of abuse from the local thugs but everything has calmed down.

Why was he not allowed to live there? Because of bunch of pitchfork waving thugs decided they get to police who does and doesn't live near them?

A few parents have sparked off concerns and last night it came out that this guy is currently on bail for sex offences

Being bailed is not the same as being guilty of something, you also have no clue as to what the sex offences are.

the daughter tried to come over towards me and my dds earlier when I was on my way home from shopping and I just said "rape and child abuse sympathasers get no help or sympathy from me, you brought this on yourself" and walked off.

I hope you have you pitchfork nice and sharpened 'cos you obviously fit right in with all the other thugs who gave them abuse.

ANormalOne · 23/07/2013 21:30

Fed = police LEM.

Floralnomad · 23/07/2013 21:30

This man has been staying in an all adult household , its not your neighbours responsibility to police him ,as she and her son know him perhaps they think he is innocent of the charges made against him . As I said before its a parents responsibility to know who their children are associating with .

Vivacia · 23/07/2013 21:32

"Fed" does not equal police, and even if it did, we don't have federal agents in the UK.

Am I right in thinking, mousey, that you are blaming the family for this man's alleged actions?

Original poster

mouseymummy · 23/07/2013 21:33

Cubano, I don't want to say people don't get wrongly arrested and I've not said that. What I am saying is, that people who do get arrested(especially in serious cases) are usually people who the police have reason to arrest. As I said before, that is just my experience though.

LEM, 'fed' is a term used for the police, I don't like it myself but that is the term he used.

OP posts:

ANormalOne · 23/07/2013 21:33

Vivacia Where I live, police are called fed, it's slang.

Vivacia · 23/07/2013 21:34

Also, I meant to ask, what garden do you refer to in the opening post? Is it a communal park or a private garden?

Vivacia · 23/07/2013 21:35

I know ANormalOne, but it's misleading and it irritates me. Can't stand people going on about "the feds" as though we're living in an american 'cop show'. (AIBU?).

Salmotrutta · 23/07/2013 21:36

By the way OP - the police don't bail people. The courts do.

ANormalOne · 23/07/2013 21:37

YANBU I hate it too. I don't call them that myself, just explaining to LEM what they meant.

Salmotrutta · 23/07/2013 21:39

I think the use of "fed" is ridiculous too - aping the USA. Again.

Anyone using that terminology in the UK must sound utterly daft.

ImNotBloody14 · 23/07/2013 21:40

"The police don't arrest people if there is no evidence or at least a doubt of innocence."

well you clearly know sod all about it then if this is the shite you're spouting!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread