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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I dare you to think this benefits couple is reasonable

178 replies

lainiekazan · 23/07/2013 07:58

Dh's brother and wife are very comfortable: large house, Range Rover, etc.

Their dd lives with her boyfriend in a country cottage on housing benefit. Neither work due to depression. They run a car, have holidays, nice clothes financed by their parents.

Now the dd is having a baby, and they are awaiting a new-build HA home in dh's brother's village.

The boyfriend is a professional student (he told me he can always find funding as he is unwaged and independent) and he said that their dc will be privately educated because it/they will be eligible for bursaries.

Surely IANBU for all this majorly sticking in my craw?

OP posts:
Whothefuckfarted · 23/07/2013 10:20

Country cottages are fine, as long as you are paying your own way.

I'm betting you are all for putting those on housing benefit into workhouses..

WilsonFrickett · 23/07/2013 10:20

People with low incomes are allowed to live in the country. Some of them live in cottages in the country. This couple are moving to a HA flat which presumably they have been allocated based upon need, just like all HA flats. You don't just waltz in to the HA and say 'I'll have a flat please'.

And I rather 'my' money was being spent with a HA then on lining a private LL's pockets, though I suppose that's a separate issue.

ComposHat · 23/07/2013 10:22

I did earn it, after all

After being (presumably) being cared for by NHS doctors as a child, being educated at the state's expense (even if you went private, who do you think paid for the training of the doctors and the teachers) and I presume you travel to work on a transport system paid for and maintained by the state? Presumably when you retire, you will want to claim an old age pension and other sundry benefits? With average life expectancies going up, don't kid yourself, what you've paid in NI will cover your pension.

We all get 'handouts' from the state at some stage in our life, people who have this 'I, me, mine' attitude would do well to remember this. We all benefit from living in a welfare state.

daisychain01 · 23/07/2013 10:24

It the young couple cannot work, for whatever reason, when the baby is born the child will benefit from having both parents present. if the man is trying to better himself through education, maybe one day his aspirations and self esteem will be raised and he will get a job. Who knows the full picture. i feel good that taxes I earn have improved those peoples' lives... and, NO, the tax isn't MY money at that point it all goes into the central government coffers, and I am "bought into" that system because I am a UK voter, so dont get a choice in how the money is spent, but I can put an 'X' in a different box on polling day if I wish. There is a system (not perfect) which does try to assess people's eligibility, admittedly increasingly controvercial, but by and large I feel good about living in a country where I can work and put back into society. If ever I were to fall on hard times, I know there is help at hand. If I sat and thought about some of the crackpot things taxes are used for, yes it would be easy to get wound up!

OP you have two options that immediately spring to mind - maybe more but here's a couple:

  1. Why not put your emotional energy into engaging with those people and getting some enjoyment from helping out, being a friend, finding out how things are going especially as they are in your extended family and they have a baby due?
  1. If they really are so abhorent, and YANBU having your point of view by the way... then just detach and get on with your life, doing things your way, rather than being so bitter about something you probably cant change.

Life is full of injustice, but no point letting it eat away. I say this having a couple of friends whose families (or who they themselves) have, shall we say, worked the system and I have had to accept it and not judge them, coz actually they are still people I have great affection for!! When i scratch beneath the surface, they have had a lot of issues to deal with, so its "lazy thinking" to slag them off as cheats.

Crumbledwalnuts · 23/07/2013 10:25

No - I'm saying I'll pay for some redistribution - that's fair. I'm happy to spend some of my money that way. Most people are.

I'm not happy for any of my money to be stolen and cheated. Because it's my money and I earned it.

You think that people who don't want their money to be stolen and cheated, also don't want to spend any of their money on redistribution. It helps your argument to think that. It's wrong, where most people are concerned.

burberryqueen · 23/07/2013 10:25

Country cottages are fine, as long as you are paying your own way
so it would be OK to be on benefits in a town but not in the country?
is that what you are saying tabitha?
Have you thought this through at all
i would suggest that from your posts it is you who has not thought this through and that you have swallowed the government line completely, as you were supposed to. Dare I mention the (whisper) Daily Mail?

Crumbledwalnuts · 23/07/2013 10:26

Usual is there something you don't understand? Like the difference between theft, cheating, and redistribution?

OnTheNingNangNong · 23/07/2013 10:26

It is not your money. It is the Tax mans money. It is not for you to decide who is deserving or not.

OnTheNingNangNong · 23/07/2013 10:27

You could be seen to want to cheat genuine benefit claimants of their money, so why are you so much more important than them?

ouryve · 23/07/2013 10:28

Bursaries tend to depend on families proving that there's nothing they can do to improve their financial circumstances.

Crumbledwalnuts · 23/07/2013 10:30

You can mention what you like burberry but I don't know why you believe people can't think for themselves, look at the tax they pay and understand that some of that money is stolen. Not just stolen either - it can be perfectly legal but people are still taking money from taxpayers who need it more. You want to think otherwise - you're living in a dream world. But the people who agree more and more are those who earn little more or even less than people on benefits and who see other people, who don't work and don't earn, having their choices unrestricted. So you can think whatever you like but being silly about the Daily Mail isn't an argument, it isn't even a thought process, it's a knee jerk attempt at an insult.

Crumbledwalnuts · 23/07/2013 10:31

It is the taxman's money See that's one of the most corrupting economic belief systems and it's the reason why communism and socialism fails and continues to fail and repeatedly fails.

TabithaStephens · 23/07/2013 10:31

Anyone who pays taxes has the right to an opinion on where their money goes.

Crumbledwalnuts · 23/07/2013 10:32

"You could be seen to want to cheat genuine benefit claimants of their money, "

How? Only by people who want to lump together genuine benefit claimants and cheaters. No idea why people would want to do that.

Viviennemary · 23/07/2013 10:32

It's everyone's money. That's why we have elections to decide who we want to represent us and decide how this money should be distributed. I did vote Labour last time but won't again. Why do people think Labour didn't get in. There will never be 100% fairness but a lot of people do want a fairer system.

daisychain01 · 23/07/2013 10:32

whothefuckfarted no that would never do, you know those damn workhouses these day, they all have wall-to-wall carpet, satellite TV and playstations. Easy life!

[she says wetting herself typing whothefuckfarted...]

burberryqueen · 23/07/2013 10:33

it really doesn't sound like you think for yourself tbh crumbled walnuts, you are just parroting a line....
some women come out with this kind of stuff when they are living off their husbands...not that i am suggesting that this is your case, just saying.
and i bet you do read the Daily Mail, no insult meant by that, it is just obvious.

daisychain01 · 23/07/2013 10:34

There is no such thing as a fair system, we do need to get real, peeps! There will always be winners and losers, sorry.

Crumbledwalnuts · 23/07/2013 10:35

Well the winners ought to be people who do the right thing not the wrong thing. Obviously.

burberryqueen · 23/07/2013 10:36

in the end they will be walnut.
i hope.

Crumbledwalnuts · 23/07/2013 10:36

Burberry, believe you me, I'm thinking for myself. It doesn't actually take a very large brain to work out that nobody has the right to steal your money.

TabithaStephens · 23/07/2013 10:36

Why has half this thread just disappeared?

cheerfulweather · 23/07/2013 10:37

It sounds like the life of riley on benefits (though personally I'd like to know a little more, as that doesn't sound typical to me, what with the cuts and all). You are right to be envious.

What's your point, by the way?

KittensoftPuppydog · 23/07/2013 10:37

When I saw this thread title I thought we were talking about the royals.

OnTheNingNangNong · 23/07/2013 10:38

George, is it you?