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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say no to a sleepover?

58 replies

CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 10:37

I can't stand them. But they seem to be the thing to do every birthday. Dd wants 4 friends to stay over for her birthday. They're going for a meal then the cinema. I think that's enough and would like parents to pick up from cinema.

All of dd's friends have them, would IBU to say no? I feel like a mean mother, but really can't stand the mess, fuss, noise, lack of sleep, disruption.
She's 13.

OP posts:

ManAliveThisThingsFantastic · 22/07/2013 10:47

TBH, I think you are being a little unreasonable. It's only one night and for a special occasion.

quesadilla · 22/07/2013 10:48

If you think you won't be able to handle it then thats your prerogative. Meal and cinema with mates is a perfectly good party IMO.

Only thing I would say is try to be consistent about it: don't say you might and then change your mind.

PearlyWhites · 22/07/2013 10:48

Yabu also even if no sleepover surely you would take your dd's friend home from cinema yourself.

Poledra · 22/07/2013 10:48

4 friends is an awful lot!I'd only done one sleepover for my DD so far (she's 9) and it was 2 friends and, TBH, I'd've preferred to have just one.

NoComet · 22/07/2013 10:49

Sorry, birthday sleepovers are not optional, neither at least two/three others per year.

They are the social bargaining chips that keep the peace with DCs aged 9 until they have a BF/GF to sleep with.

attheendoftheday · 22/07/2013 10:49

I think you're being a bit of a killjoy. How will you feel if your dd stops being invited over to friend's parties because you won't reciprocate? Her birthday is only once a year!

CaptainSweatPants · 22/07/2013 10:52

Op it's fine
Cinema & meal sounds more than enough to me

I didn't have people to sleepover at mine but I still gof invited back loads

bigTillyMint · 22/07/2013 10:52

YANBU - I hate them for all the reasons you say, but you are being a bit miserable.

We have 8 girls sleeping over tomorrow for DD's 14th I know we will get no sleep, but it's a special treat

Original poster

CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 10:53

Arse. I'm going to have to suck it up and have one, aren't I?

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 22/07/2013 10:54

You don't have to, but you will earn brownie points if you do!

Numberlock · 22/07/2013 10:56

Arse. I'm going to have to suck it up and have one, aren't I?

Yes. You need to provide a home where your daughter knows she can bring her friends back any time (within reason of course). That's the best way to have an open relationship with them during the teenage years, in my experience.

WellThatsLife · 22/07/2013 10:56

Dd1 wanted a sleepover at end of term, I said yes, onthe condition that they tidied their room and said that I wouldn't do anything toward organising until the room was tidied, unfortunately they didn't tidy their room, so no sleepover

SwedishEdith · 22/07/2013 11:04

They're easier as they get older. I avoid as much as possible but by 13 they're calmed down (a bit)

sweetmelissa · 22/07/2013 11:15

I do feel a little sad for your DD. When my children were that age there were sleepovers almost every week for one reason or another. But she loved being the host so much.

I understand you dislike the "mess, fuss, noise, lack of sleep, disruption". But just for one night a year - not too much is it? If you would not normally allow your daughter to have sleepovers, then it would be an especially brilliant treat for her on her birthday.

Actually 13 is a great age - before the teenage stuff of illegal booze and boys creep too much into the equation, but sensible enough to not need entertaining every second either. Go on...go for it...there aren't very many birthdays left before birthdays will mean nightclubs and getting drunk!!!

QueenofallIsee · 22/07/2013 11:17

If she is 13, you are a bit! My youngest (6yrs) has been told he is too little for them, my middle 2 (8yrs) have had their first one this year with 4 mates (hard work) my DD age 15 has folks here all the time and they are really no bother at that age..I feed them well and am glad that they come here so I know what they are up too!

freddiefrog · 22/07/2013 11:19

My house is always awash with random kids here on sleepovers.

It's really not that bad, they shut themselves in DD's bedroom and I occasionally post pizza, DVDs and popcorn through the door.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 22/07/2013 11:20

YANBU. My DD has never had a sleepover party nor has she been to one. If you don't want to do it then don't.

Original poster

CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 11:20

I am being a bit of a mardy arse. 2 of her friends are very loud, "jazz hands" type kids which I find exhausting. What's the earliest pick up time in the morning I can put?

OP posts:

Canidae · 22/07/2013 11:20

I had loads of sleepovers from about 12yrs up. I was good friends with 2 other girls and while 2 of us had the other around all the time the 3rd wasn't allowed. We barely even went to her house as her mother made us feel unwelcome (not saying you are like that!) but the my friend was embarrassed that she couldn't have us over like we did her.

Original poster

CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 11:24

Yeah, I don't want to be the miserable cow who puts dd's friends off from coming here. Is it rude to ask them to bring a sleeping bag?

OP posts:

Canidae · 22/07/2013 11:24

What's the earliest pick up time in the morning I can put? wink

I expect they would sleep in as they won't go to sleep early! Just have some breakfast in their direction as they crawl downstairs then send them home!

Canidae · 22/07/2013 11:25

I mean shove some breakfast in their direction! Not sit and eat as they watch!

No, not rude at ask them to bring sleeping bag, pillow etc.

Helpyourself · 22/07/2013 11:28

I'm with you OP! The response is that, 'it's only once a year' doesn't wash, especially when you have more than 1 dc and they each have 4/5 friends who reciprocate.
However- it is the glue that binds this age group. I 'manage' them by having them in the garden as much as possible, easy this time of year as they are more susceptible to neighbours pressure than, 'quiet now, I've got to go to work in 3 hours'.
I do more than my fair share of late night collections to, I'd rather be the one who collects than DDs casting round for a lift.

DonutForMyself · 22/07/2013 11:30

My DS (8) had his first sleepover at a friend's this week, they camped in the garden! He took an airbed, sleeping bag & pillow. DS1 has friends to sleep in our garage, could you convince them to do, that?! Saying that, it was still noisy and they kept me awake all night, but better than having them in the house

SwedishEdith · 22/07/2013 11:35

Outdoors = a great idea. I do hate them but, honestly, by 13 they just keep to themselves. It's the pressure for my youngest to go on them from 6 onwards, from other parents, that bugs me.

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