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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to a sleepover?

58 replies

CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 10:37

I can't stand them. But they seem to be the thing to do every birthday. Dd wants 4 friends to stay over for her birthday. They're going for a meal then the cinema. I think that's enough and would like parents to pick up from cinema.

All of dd's friends have them, would IBU to say no? I feel like a mean mother, but really can't stand the mess, fuss, noise, lack of sleep, disruption.
She's 13.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 22/07/2013 11:35

I agree, especially for girls , it seems to be such an important bonding time. They didn't exist in my daySad

MoominsYonisAreScary · 22/07/2013 11:43

I had 1 for ds1s 14 th birthday, never again! He's 18 now and we seem to have managed fine without sleep overs.

Although I'd probably say yes to 1 friend I'd never have more than that for a sleep over again.

livinginwonderland · 22/07/2013 11:44

At 13 they're capable of being left to it. Tell them to shut up around 11pm/midnight but don't expect them to sleep then.

At that age, my best friend slept over most weekends and if she wasn't at mine, I was staying at hers. The the rules were 1) say if we needed feeding, 2) be quiet after 11pm, 3) clean up the next day before she went home and 4) sort out breakfast ourselves.

BlueSkySunnyDay · 22/07/2013 11:45

I guess its more difficult with girls but with boys they quite often do all the birthday stuff then just chose one friend for the sleepover - would that cause a problem (girls a mystery to me!)

I quite like sleepovers - it means the children go off upstairs early and we get a quiet evening, although I do have an A - list and don't tend to invite high maintenance or loud children more than once

BlueSkySunnyDay · 22/07/2013 11:47

Oh I expect my boys to arrange breakfast and they are younger than yours Grin

Ive been asked to pick up for 9am so you could say you need to go out and ask for an early pick up - I prefer 10-1030 now as it means I don't have to get up and be presentable too early

freddiefrog · 22/07/2013 11:51

The the rules were 1) say if we needed feeding, 2) be quiet after 11pm, 3) clean up the next day before she went home and 4) sort out breakfast ourselves.

Yep, pretty much our rules as well.

I don't care what they do, as long as they do it quietly after 11pm. Don't wake everyone else at some godforsaken hour of the following morning, and DD's room has to be put back to normal before they leave.

lottieandmia · 22/07/2013 11:53

YABU - sleepovers are absolutely standard for nearly all girl's birthdays well under the age of 13! You may find it a bit of a pain, but tbh you should put yourself out as it's her birthday and I don't think that what she is asking for is unusual at all, especially at her age. My dd is 9 and has been going to/having sleepovers for years.

bigTillyMint · 22/07/2013 11:55

DD is shopping for the snacks/breakfast stuff with a couple of her friends beforehand. It's all part of the excitement!

I am really hoping that they will be quiet enough after 11 as we have to work the next day!

Original poster
CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 12:13

I think I'll allow her to have one with strict conditions. When she's had them in the past she and her brother have been quite rude, ignoring the usual house rules, actively encouraging their friends to jump on beds, make a mess etc. Several times I've found them in my bedroom, despite telling them not to go in there.

They're good kids but tend to have a personality transplant during sleepovers!

OP posts:
yawningmonster · 22/07/2013 13:00

just going to highjack a bit if that is ok. DS has asked for a sleep over for first time for his 9th birthday. He want 3 friends. I am a bit worried we are a bit um well boring and not sure of this whole unchartered sleepover territory thing.

Is it ok just to supply food, movies and let get on or are they too young for this. How do I manage smaller members of household when there is a rabble of rowdy boys up all hours. Like the idea of tent on lawn -would most kids be ok with this or would they be frightened or do we have to sleep out there too?

Am green as the evergreen forest me -not used to this marlarkey was never allowed sleep overs when young

Original poster
CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 13:08

For that age, I'd plan some games/activities.
Tent in the garden ok as long as an adult slept out there too (I'd check with parents first)
LOTS of squash/milk/water/cereal/sandwiches/crisps

Why do we do it to ourselves?! Grin

OP posts:
justmyview · 22/07/2013 13:41

If your DD goes to other people's houses for sleepovers, then I'd say YABU not to reciprocate (unless there's a good reason)

valiumredhead · 22/07/2013 13:59

How have you got away worth not having any until now?Shock Grin

imademarion · 22/07/2013 14:10

but really can't stand the mess, fuss, noise, lack of sleep, disruption.

Except it's not your birthday, so I think YABU. It should be what your daughter wants, shouldn't it?

I've had countless 13 yo girl sleepovers. They're a doddle compared to the younger ones. You're not even feeding them! Just leave them alone with nail varnish, popcorn, the odd hot choc and slightly too old films. They'll have a ball!

Round here you can demand a 0900 pickup. Result.

Enjoy it. Cannot believe you d avoided it so far, really not a big deal and excellent social training for the DC to deal with guests of their own choosing.

uselessinformation · 22/07/2013 14:11

Son has always had 4 or 5 friends for birthday sleepovers. we live in a tiny house and there is no room in his bedroom. No TV in bedroom either. They bring sleeping bags and lie on the lounge floor like sardines in front of the TV. I retreat upstairs. They love it, I think it's hell! Kids are only young once and I can put myself out once a year. Before they go to bed I keep them outside as much as possible.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 22/07/2013 14:12

I'd tell her that if she is rude to you or encourages her friends to misbehave they will all be sent home immediately (that should stop most of it!).

But pleased to see you have acknowledged you are being a mardy arse and are going to have one :) Well done you!

valiumredhead · 22/07/2013 14:16

The secret to sleepovers it's to have a couple of kids only and do it regularly, stops it being such an event and visiting kids get used to the rules. I admit I will not have any noise after 10.30 and any offenders can go in the spare room or go homeWink

valiumredhead · 22/07/2013 14:16

Is not it's

OhTheConfusion · 22/07/2013 14:43

DS will be 11 in a few weeks and he has just asked for the same thing but with 3 friends. Luckily friend 1 is off on holiday so it is down to 2 friends. We are all going out for a meal then I will take the DD's home and DH is off to see Wolverine with the boys. Then the madness begins with a sleepover :-(

cloudskitchen · 22/07/2013 14:54

how about letting her have her closest friend to stay over after the party as a compromise? I always used to give in to sleepovers until I realised I was the only parent that did Smile the way I look at it though is its one night of disrupted sleep and mess tidies away. You'll have a very happy dd to. got to be worth it Grin

FreckleyGirlAbroad · 22/07/2013 15:00

Shout me down for being naive and innocent, but I´m 30 weeks pregnant and can´t wait for my dc´s first sleepover. I would love to think of us having the type of house where other kids know they are always welcome and have a great time (without them running riot!). As long as they know they have to clean up after themselves afterwards, I imagine it would be quite good fun seeing your child playing the host on their territory....would love to be a fly on the wall!!!!!

HSMMaCM · 22/07/2013 15:10

At 13 you can set some ground rules and leave them to it. DD is 14 now. She knows who I would prefer not to have in the house and will have several sleepovers during the holiday, finishing with 12 girls coming over for the night at the end of the month.

valiumredhead · 22/07/2013 15:19

Freckley-I thought the same and we have a house like that. There is an endless stream of kids here which is fab as ds is an only child. Its nice having extra bods round the house and they are nice kids. It's good to encourage out to imo so you can keep a close eye on what they're up to as you can listen to their conversations with a half cocked earWink

valiumredhead · 22/07/2013 15:19

It too

nannynewo · 22/07/2013 15:56

I think YABU to not allow your DD to have a sleepover on her birthday. I understand your reasons against them but think back to when you were her age and how much you loved hanging out with friends and staying up late at sleepovers?! When I was this age we would have sleepovers about once a fortnight mainly at one girls house because the other mums (mine included) hated them....but they still put up with it every now and then!
It is only one night and she will have a fab time :)