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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ABIU- re prospective au pairs requests?

78 replies

scrummummy · 21/07/2013 13:50

Hi I am currently looking for an au pair. I am down to 2.
Lets call them A and B-
A: childcare experience but not been to the uk or been an au pair before, wants to learn english for her career not childcare or teaching. can start in 5 weeks
B: has been au pair in london before but left as there were too many hours 40-45(??) She is coming back to the uk in next week.

Now we ideally would like au pair to start in 2/3 weeks (I have been looking for a month or so)

Now B has asked if she will be getting a 1-4 monthly travel card. I stated in my as that I would provide a 3-4 travel card and a monthly bus card or once started a school and had student id a monthly 1-4 card. My thinking is a 1-4 card is over £150 a month but a student one is around £80.

B then said that she wants one from day 1 aibu to think this is a bit much on day 1? I replied that after 1 month we could talk about it.
So aibu or is she?

OP posts:

Afritutu · 21/07/2013 14:34

B sounds demanding, perhaps that's why she left her first job. If I was employing her I would definitely want a reference from the previous family.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 21/07/2013 14:40

Go with A.

maja00 · 21/07/2013 14:43

In many countries, providing an au pair with a travel card is completely expected (or even a legal requirement) - of course in most countries it isn't £150.

I don't think either of you ABU though - just different expectations.

Original poster

scrummummy · 21/07/2013 14:53

Maja - I'm not keeping her unable to go anywhere. I am offering a bus pass (whole of london) and a travel card from where we live to school.

OP posts:

maja00 · 21/07/2013 14:55

I'm not suggesting you are, just stating that au pair programmes in many countries have providing travel cards as a requirement so her request isn't too crazy.

You will find there will be lots of differences in cultural expectations along the way!

Boomba · 21/07/2013 15:01

i think you should provide the 1-4 travel card from day 1. She doesnt earn enough to be expected to pay herself. Its only a month and then she/you will be able to claim student rates anyhow

mummymeister · 21/07/2013 15:09

go with A. B is going to be a PITA. better to wait and get the right one than jump. if B left her last job because of the hours then this should immediately ring alarm bells with you. its a business decision so put your business head on and go with the least trouble.

foreverondiet · 21/07/2013 15:30

How much are you paying for how many hours? Trying to assess whether she would be able to afford? It's not worth having a 1-4 travel card unless going to central London 5 out of 7 days so not sure why she would want?

Original poster

scrummummy · 21/07/2013 16:17

forever- its 25 hrs per week.
£ 85 plus a monthly bus pass, zones -3-4 travel card, contract mobile phone. we have buses into the centre of london every 10 mins.

until school starts its 7-830 and 530-7 so from 8.30-530 they can travel into london by bus and see stuff.
once school goes back then its 7-830 and 330-7 so for english classes it would be easier to have a tube pass which i will pay for once they have a student id as its nearly double the price.

OP posts:

foreverondiet · 21/07/2013 16:24

Well on £85 a week won't be much money for tube travel - I'd probably pay it as will be cheaper anyway once started school so only expensive in first month....

Openyourheart · 21/07/2013 16:43

I'd be suspicious of B. That is an unreasonable request and she left her previous employer because she wasn't getting what she wanted. She may have been in the right but you just don't know. If you do want to employ her, make sure that you can phone her previous employer first and check her out.

BridgetBidet · 21/07/2013 16:57

I don't think it's particularly suspicious. She didn't want to work full time hours as slave labour for her previous family and it seems to me like she may have had her fingers burnt once so is very keen to make sure exactly what the deal is with the new family.

To be honest zone 4 is far out. I wouldn't fancy getting a bus from Beckenham, Southall or Woodford every time I wanted to go to central London.

If you want to say no, say no. But she's quite within her rights to stipulate that is what she wants as part of the agreement and also to turn you down if you're not prepared to provide one. I suspect she won't struggle to find alternative employment where they will provide it.

NomDeClavier · 21/07/2013 17:11

I would a) be requesting a reference from B's previous employers and b) not budge on the travel card. It's a perfectly reasonable offer you've made and you can get pretty close on a 3-4 travel card and then a bus. But it depends where you are.... When I was a teen we lived in z4 and a bus took 40mins to Baker Street when it wasn't rush hour.

What if she gets a student ID from a different college over the summer? She may take an intensive course or something at a school in August. Would you budge than?

Notsurewhattodonext · 21/07/2013 17:33

You need to get a reference from B's previous family about why she really left because she doesn't sound like a great option to me. I think that you are extremely generous, I have had au pairs for years and have never given them a phone or travel card, I just reimburse their travel or give them some money in advance if they are travelling ok public transport with the DC's which is rare. I tend to pay a bit more for 25 hours a week which works well. I start on £90 and go to £100 after a month. If the bus pass is for travelling with the children and she can use it in her own time you really don't need to offer anything over and above this travelwise.

Original poster

scrummummy · 21/07/2013 17:43

Bridget, we live in zone 3 but school is in zone 4. there are buses every 10 mins to oxford street which is about 1 hour by bus. but she can go to westfield with her card as well as the delights of walthamstow.
for the first month if she wanted to go into central London at the weekend she can use my travel pass as i rarely go into central London then.

OP posts:

BridgetBidet · 21/07/2013 17:54

Still, an hour is a long time. It doesn't make a difference to the fact that this is what she wants and she does have a right to choose whether or not to take a job based on that. It sound like she won't take the job if you don't offer. So if you're not prepared to do that go for A.

The thing is that having seen some of the threads on here about advertisements for au pairs and the dreadful way they are often treated I think this girl is being quite wise by making it crystal clear what she wants and having it agreed before hand. She's been in a job where she was working far more than an au pair should presumably for far less than the minimum wage. So she is just making sure that she knows exactly what she is getting into.

It sounds like A might not be quite so clued up as she's not au paired or lived in the UK before. You could well find that when she gets here and finds her feet she will also be looking at things like a travel card if that's what other au pairs in the area tend to get.

And it's, what, £70 extra for a couple of months before college starts? That's a lot less than you would be paying if you had to have a nanny.

But no, I really disagree that this makes her suspicious, I think it's more a case of her being more clued up about what to ask for and what she will need in London than A is.

Openyourheart · 21/07/2013 19:02

She's been in a job where she was working far more than an au pair should presumably for far less than the minimum wage

That is an assumption you are making. How do you work that one out?

Boomba · 21/07/2013 19:15

I agree with Bridget Au Pair B is experienced and so knows what she wants as terms and conditions. That doesnt mean Au Pair A wont want the same or more once she gets here...she just doesnt know she wants it yet

Original poster

scrummummy · 21/07/2013 19:30

ok so maybe she is more clued up but i think she was still taking the piss as it was her first question no mention of attending a college eg i go to english class from 930-1230 in x . then i would of course thought about a travel pass.

notsure- from the responses so far I'm not really being that generous

OP posts:

Boomba · 21/07/2013 19:46

i think there is a lot to be said for getting someone who knows what they want and can communicate that. Much more straight forward. Unless you are looking for a timid type, who will just do as they are told

Boomba · 21/07/2013 19:47

i dont suppose she knows where and when the college classes will be yet But she does know she will need a travel pass to be able to attend

Principality · 21/07/2013 20:20

To be honest op neither sound great...

It took be ages to find our op, but I made 100% the right decision. if I were you I would keep looking.

When it goes well the a.p relationship is great. Our ap's family came for visits here, and so did her friends and we very much enjoyed meeting them. We have just returned from a week staying in their holiday home and spent a lot of time visiting her extended family. We had a great time and really miss her since she left in June. She us coming to visit again in September. I can see us being friends and staying in touch for a long time.

Friends that have "settled" on an ap sadly seem to have found the compromises more difficult.

newbiefrugalgal · 21/07/2013 20:22

MNers do like to take a harder view on families that go down the Aupair route. Sometimes that is all a family can afford so back off people!

I think I would go with A. Is she happy with the travel arrangements you are offering?

Was B living in the same area I there last role? Did you get a reference from the family?

The convenience of B being available earlier might not be worth the agro down the track.

Catsize · 21/07/2013 20:32

Why does she need a 1-4? Does she want a ticket to Edinburgh to visit a friend in October? If all schools and shops etc. are accessible, seems a bit nuts to me (a non-Londoner). 'A' sounds better anyway. B sounds like a bit of a chancer who is afraid of hard work.

BridgetBidet · 21/07/2013 20:46

Openyourheart I did say presumably. Au pairs are not treated as employees but rather a member of the family who gets pocket money and they are therefore exempt from the minimum wage. I would think it would be extremely unusual to have an au pair paid minimum wage, it would defeat the whole object.

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