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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ABIU- re prospective au pairs requests?

78 replies

scrummummy · 21/07/2013 13:50

Hi I am currently looking for an au pair. I am down to 2.
Lets call them A and B-
A: childcare experience but not been to the uk or been an au pair before, wants to learn english for her career not childcare or teaching. can start in 5 weeks
B: has been au pair in london before but left as there were too many hours 40-45(??) She is coming back to the uk in next week.

Now we ideally would like au pair to start in 2/3 weeks (I have been looking for a month or so)

Now B has asked if she will be getting a 1-4 monthly travel card. I stated in my as that I would provide a 3-4 travel card and a monthly bus card or once started a school and had student id a monthly 1-4 card. My thinking is a 1-4 card is over £150 a month but a student one is around £80.

B then said that she wants one from day 1 aibu to think this is a bit much on day 1? I replied that after 1 month we could talk about it.
So aibu or is she?

OP posts:

antimatter · 22/07/2013 07:28

I think for those people who put a value of 500-600/week for food&loggings a family provides to an au pair - would they then pay someone to do equivalent job of an au pair which is 20 hours of supervised childcare a week who lis live-out.
That would be say:
500x12=6000
52x80=4160
52x20=1040
that would average to perhaps 10/hour

I don't think so :)

marriedinwhiteagain · 22/07/2013 07:49

Why would you pay that if you have space for them to live in? It woukd be incredibly hard for them if they had to find a family and accommodation and tie the dates up.

The arrangement worked for us - and yes it is a cheap form of childcare for older children (ie not infants)but it's about an overall package.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 22/07/2013 08:00

The whole au pair thing gets such a slating on MN, usually by people who have no actual experience of it.

And yet 100s of thousands of young people, year after year make the decision to do the au pair thing in loads of different countries, and often make connections for life.

You so rarely hear the positive au air stories, and yet there must be some. Otherwise the whole concept would have folded by now.

waterrat · 22/07/2013 08:10

It is never unreasonable to discuss your requests with a potential employer! Good for her - you don't have to hire her if you don't want to but she is having a reasonable discussion first.

I think you should consider the full travel card - that is a lot of time on a bus and presumably the first month is the time she will have most free time to explore.

Over a period of employment an extra 70 pounds to a good worker is not a big deal.

twofingerstoGideon · 22/07/2013 08:30

I'm another one who thinks au pair B was exploited in her previous job and is asking all the right questions before finding herself in a similar, unhappy situation again. Buy her the travel card FGS. Put yourself in her place for five minutes.

Openyourheart · 22/07/2013 08:30

I don't know why au pairing gets such a slating on MN either. If the deals were so crap the au pairs wouldn't stay.

Original poster

scrummummy · 22/07/2013 20:30

hi I have taken everyone's views on board and I always thought 1-4 was the right thing to do dh was no they can take DDS to school, go to English class locally.
now got more complications [confus
I met C someone I agreed to meet early last week today. she was nice funny understood what I want, wants to be in London for a year to improve her English before starting a teaching course. and can start asap. when she asked about oyster card after 1 he in Starbucks by my work I said yes of course 1-4. argghh now what to do ?

OP posts:

KobayashiMaru · 22/07/2013 20:56

I don't think au pairing as a whole gets a slating, just the people who take advantage of it. When done properly its great, but its like anything, if it was working properly it wouldn't get posted about, would it?

myfirstkitchen · 22/07/2013 21:16

A travel card that's zones 3-4 can be used on all zones on the bus

www.tfl.gov.uk/tickets/14415.aspx

Original poster

scrummummy · 22/07/2013 21:41

my first
I know that's why I said bus for 1st month.
anyway now have C who can start next week

OP posts:

HoneyStepMummy · 22/07/2013 21:42

I feel that if you originally said that you are offering a zone 3-4 card then that's what you are offering. Au Pair B is welcome to negociate- but you can also stick to your guns and only offer a 3-4 one.
That being said- whatever type of card you agree on then it needs to be provided from day 1. I don't think it's the au pair's problem if it costs more money for a non student. She will be doing the same amount of work until she gets the card so why should she be compensated less?
Is this a dealbreaker for you? If the au pair is otherwise great then can you compromise and provide a zone 1-4 card? Another option is just to pay a little more per week and she can pay for her travel expenses out of that.
The problem with arrangements like "she can use my card at the weekend" or get a card "if she's enrolled in school" is that it just get's confusing. It's best to be clear on what you are offering in exchange for what. $85 for 25 hrs is absolutely resonable. If you want to provide an oyster card then do but be clear and consistant. If you don't then don't.
(BTW I was an au pair a very long time ago and I think it can be a really rewarding experience for both sides)

Beastofburden · 22/07/2013 21:50

Assume c is the only one you have met? Chemistry matters, it may be that you don't gel with either of the other two, it would be lower risk to pick c now you have met her.

But tbh you live a hell of a way out of what most young people for overseas would recognise as "London" so if you want to hang on to a good au pair, don't expect her to slog around by bus, sorry!

Beastofburden · 22/07/2013 21:52

And- expecting flaming here- is she actually entitled to use your card at weekends, or do you mean she can pretend to be you at weekends? Cos I don't think it's fair to expect a young person to fare dodge just to save you a bit of cash. They will be the ones with the criminal record if they are caught.

Original poster

scrummummy · 22/07/2013 21:53

honey- I do agree. its just august is a difficult month. they will work 10 less a week due to holiday club. if they start it will save us about £50 a week for extra fees so a 1-4 is reasonable. my thoughts were free from 830-530 is plenty time to see London I thought. any way . I don't know never had aupair before

OP posts:

Original poster

scrummummy · 22/07/2013 21:58

beast- I have unregistered oyster card so no fare dodging

funny though B asked first no questions about DDs etc where as C asked after 1 hr so better timing?

OP posts:

whois · 22/07/2013 22:07

I don't think it is unreasonable wanting a zone 1-4 travel card. You might find you can have a better relationship with someone who is more direct, and can say when she isn't happy but will also take on board things you say. Rather than someone who just seethe and is upset but doesn't say anything so you never know.

I'd def get a ref tho.

mikulkin · 22/07/2013 23:22

I wonder how many of people commenting here actually have an au pair? Travel card of zones 1-4 is a lot of money, you can as well get mothers help for such money.
We had 3 au pairs, 2 of them in England and 1 abroad. I never ever paid travel card (we live in zone 2) - no bus card, no tube. I pay 80 GBP for 20-25 hours plus 2 evening of babysitting and contribute 250 GBP to their English class in first term, 4 weeks paid holidays, sometimes 5. If i ask for more than 25 hours of work i pay extra. About 2-3 months a year they only work 10 hours per week (i have my mum visiting and helping now and then) but get the same money.
Our au pairs are always happy, one stayed for 1,5 years and when she was leaving to move in with her boyfriend, she was as sad as i was, the second one is staying for the second year. They go to English courses and socialize with other au pairs. They always tell me that the pay I give for the number of hours they work is reasonable and they are happy to be in our family. A lot of their friends are coming over - none of them get 100 Gbp, none get travel cards!
My experience is demanding au pairs are not good! We need to remember that they don't have formal qualifications and are not nannies!

mikulkin · 22/07/2013 23:23

Sorry for strange English, my iPad changes all FORs for OFs for some reason....

BridgetBidet · 22/07/2013 23:34

Follow up the references by phone then decide who you want to go for.

antimatter · 22/07/2013 23:54

by paying monthly 1-4 zone travel card you are increasing their weekly wage by 27 pounds - this is the only way you need to look at it

themaltesefalcon · 23/07/2013 01:43

We need to remember that they don't have formal qualifications and are not nannies!

What an interesting rationale for paying them less, even though you are employing them to look after your kids.

mikulkin · 23/07/2013 06:28

Themaltesefacon, of course you are paying them less even though they look after your kids.
What I expect from nanny I don't expect from AP.
if I follow your logic then one has to pay their teens full salary when they help with the smaller ones at the house.
People keep forgetting that APs are not employees - they are more like big sisters/brothers to your kids. You take care of them like you would have taken care of your children if you had ones of this age.
Of course if you expect them to fulfill all your requirements from nannies then you need to pay accordingly. I don't and I shouldn't actually - according to the regulations APs are not employees and shouldn't be treated likes ones.

calmingtea · 23/07/2013 07:02

YABU. You can't expect her to live out in zone 4 of London and not travel in. Au pairs are adults who are paid peanuts and I think what she is asking for is totally reasonable and shows she has done some research into the post. A bus into zone 1 will be a long trip.

newbiefrugalgal · 23/07/2013 07:32

Your first Aupair is your hardest.
You soon work what's best for both sides.

Go with C
(On trial basis)

BeyonceCastle · 23/07/2013 07:52

I was a summer au-pair in 1990 and 1991 - living in and looking after a six week old and five year old 8.30-4.30 5 days a week and a 9 month old and six year old 9-5 with odd evening babysitting.
Both placements to learn the language - paid 25 quid a week.

I had v little experience bar babysitting, had no idea what I wanted to do later career-wise and was very low-maintenance/made few demands as I was a) lovely b) part of the family - meals together, some trips together. I improved my language by being with the kids and family mealtimes not by any course although I did see Betty Blue at the cinema

Went off with a push-bike at weekends when able and by tube - paid own travel. Received calls - didn't make them. Did some light housework, prepped baby bottles, nappies etc was only expected to cook a couple of times.

I would therefore go with A as if anything like I was, she may well surprise you or is everyone grabby these days and I was just naive a lifetime ago

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