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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report my ex husband's gf to the police for harassment

64 replies

ILoveTomHardy · 21/07/2013 11:31

I am engaged but do not live with my fiance. I have been divorced from my ex for seven years. We have contact via text only. His gf of around five years has recently started sending me nasty texts in the early hours of the morning, mainly calling me names. I haven't mentioned this to my ex yet. Got another text at 2am this morning calling me a gold digger. Would it be unreasonable to report her to the police? Or should I tell my ex first?

I am 39 and they are both in their mid forties so we're not kids. My ex and I have an eight year old DS.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 21/07/2013 11:33

best to ignore - have you sorted out the finances as part of your divorce yet?

WillYouDoTheFandango · 21/07/2013 11:34

If you and your ex are amicable (and he's relatively reasonable) I'd speak to him first. If it's more likely to devolve into a slanging match maybe ring the police for advice?

Had anything happened to suddenly start these texts off that you can think of?

Hegsy · 21/07/2013 11:35

How strange. Maybe have a word with your ex and give him a heads up that if it happens again you will contact the police. Has somethinh happebed recently to cause this? Not saying its yoir fault just seems a bit random to suddenly start messaging you.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/07/2013 11:35

Tell your ex his gf is harassing you and you won't put up with it.

If it continues you will report her to the police, she's had a warning.

Aquamildred · 21/07/2013 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BridgetBidet · 21/07/2013 11:36

I would report it to the police. They probably won't do much but at least they have a record in case it escalates.

AnotherStitchInTime · 21/07/2013 11:38

Speak to your ex first, if your relationship is civil. Tell him if it continues you will go to the Police as it is harassment. He may have no idea about her behaviour. She sounds unhinged, how is she with your daughter, if around when ex has contact? If you are not on great terms, don't bother just go straight to the Police.

Original poster
ILoveTomHardy · 21/07/2013 11:39

I don't know what could have started it. In five years she has never even spoken to me. Yes the divorce has been final for years. I never even speak to my ex as he says his gf doesn't like it so we communicate by text only in relation to our son. I don't know what to do but it's starting to really upset me.

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 21/07/2013 11:39

I would send one reply to the gf stating that I would be reporting if it continued. I would copy my ex in on it (and forward one of her texts at the same time). Then, if it didn't stop I would report it. I'm assuming that you have saved all the messages.

RedHelenB · 21/07/2013 11:40

If you are not going to ignore I would reply to his girlfriend that you regard these texts as harassment & will be calling the police if they continue. I don't see it has anything to do with your ex, unless you think he is encouraging her to do it?

ProphetOfDoom · 21/07/2013 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ILoveTomHardy · 21/07/2013 11:43

I have the text that she sent this morning still. Deleted the others. That's what I thought about doing. Texting her and copying in my ex. Just to say if she texts again I will report her to the police. Feeling a bit concerned about my DS being around her too now, although as far as I know she is nice to him.

OP posts:
ProphetOfDoom · 21/07/2013 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleGirly · 21/07/2013 11:49

So you are not allowed to speak to the father of his child because she is jealous? How ridiculous. My DH and his ex often talk about their DS and I have no issues. Is she around when your DS is with your ex? If she is targeting you she sounds unhinged - you need to SPEAK with your ex to discuss this - she is being nasty to you what if she starts on your DC next? You need to show him the texts and explain that you will report it to the police if it happens again and that you will have to take legal advice about visits. Your DC should be both yours and ex-H's priority. You should not have to put up with this.

HollyBerryBush · 21/07/2013 11:53

Does your Ex have a family with his new partner? Could be they want one and cant afford to have one (or extend the one they have), therefore in her mind you are sucking all his money away.
People have strange ideas sometimes

LunaticFringe · 21/07/2013 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meganorks · 21/07/2013 12:03

Agree with others that you should speak to your even first. Something must have happened for her to suddenly started with this. Could your even be using you as an excuse for something? Eg she wants to spend money on something but he says he can't because paying you for son? Doesn't excuse behaviour at all but I would want to understand why this was suddenly happening.

ihearsounds · 21/07/2013 12:09

Tell the ex she is doing this. Give him the chance to sort it, and give him advance warning that the police will visit if she doesn't stop...

CylonNumber6 · 21/07/2013 12:16

I have some experience of this from am ex who kept Wendi.g texts.

In my experience the police will ask if you have told them to stop yourself. If you have told them to stop and they keep doing it, the police will take it more seriously.

Text them both telling them it has to stop or you'll go to the police.

Keep a record of every text she sends and what you say.

Do not respond to any other texts from her.

If she persists, reoprt it to the police, they will take it seriously.

Original poster
ILoveTomHardy · 21/07/2013 12:33

Right. Have text her to say if she texts me or tries to contact me again I will report her to the police. That was 30 minutes ago and had no response.

My ex earns about 100k a year and pays £200 in maintenance so I don't think this is about money.

I have no idea about their relationship and it's none of my business. I just want her to leave me alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveTomHardy · 21/07/2013 12:35

£200 per month that should be.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveTomHardy · 21/07/2013 12:37

Sorry, trying to answer all questions. They don't have children together but she has two grown up DC.

OP posts:
plainjaney · 21/07/2013 12:38

she sounds exceptionally insecure doesn't she? I do hope this stops for you now.

ProphetOfDoom · 21/07/2013 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Groovee · 21/07/2013 12:54

I hope she stops now you have told her. Early hours of the morning suggests she's up drinking or you are on her mind and she is obsessed because of your history.