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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To report my ex husband's gf to the police for harassment

64 replies

ILoveTomHardy · 21/07/2013 11:31

I am engaged but do not live with my fiance. I have been divorced from my ex for seven years. We have contact via text only. His gf of around five years has recently started sending me nasty texts in the early hours of the morning, mainly calling me names. I haven't mentioned this to my ex yet. Got another text at 2am this morning calling me a gold digger. Would it be unreasonable to report her to the police? Or should I tell my ex first?

I am 39 and they are both in their mid forties so we're not kids. My ex and I have an eight year old DS.

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 22/07/2013 07:42

Whoah there! You don't have his home number or email but your DS is staying there every week? And how are you supposed to contact him in an emergency - eg if his work mobile is switched off?

RedHelenB · 22/07/2013 07:51

Don't worry about your son - at 8 years old I would fell that he could let you know if he didn't like staying there, My ex is like this - now wife has banned him from speaking to me lol!

sweetestcup · 22/07/2013 08:01

Its not unreasonable or wrong for a non resident Father to have his child for more than 1 night a week e.g. whole weekends - when you say he only has him 1 night a week you make it sound as if he is doing you a big favour! I to would be very concerned regarding contact information.

Original poster

ILoveTomHardy · 22/07/2013 08:03

I have had this conversation with my ex before. He won't give me any other contact details for him. I don't understand why but I can't force him. The only thing that makes me feel slightly better is that they live on the next street to where I live so I know where my DS is. And my DS can come home if he wants to in an emergency.

OP posts:

Original poster

ILoveTomHardy · 22/07/2013 08:10

The fact is that he won't have him for longer than one night a week. He's not the best dad in the world. But after seven years of it I have become resigned to his lack of interest. My DS gets upset about it sometimes but I can't force my ex to want to see him. All I can do is make my DS feel secure when he's with me.

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 22/07/2013 08:13

ILoveTomHardy

I appreciate that you've wanted a fairly quiet life for the sake of your DS but I rather suspect that the time for that has now ended, for whatever reason in your Ex's current relationship etc.

I would go formal now rather than relying on a very limited pool of goodwill. I think you're being played.

Original poster

ILoveTomHardy · 22/07/2013 09:04

I think you're right. I have been trying to keep things as easy as possible for my DS. If she texts me again I will be reporting her to the police. I will also be telling my ex that I'm not comfortable with my DS spending time with her. I don't know how that will go down but to be honest I don't really care anymore.

OP posts:

BoozyBear · 22/07/2013 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ILoveTomHardy · 22/07/2013 09:47

They might live on the next street but what would going round there achieve? She obviously has some sort of problem with me. I can easily see it turning into some sort of argument, even if it's a one sided one. I don't want a confrontation, I want her to stop texting me in the middle of the night/early hours of the morning.

OP posts:

thefuturesnotourstosee · 22/07/2013 10:39

Wow that's a pathetic sum of child maintenance. Were the CSA involved? You should be getting a LOT more.

As for his gf she sounds very odd and best ignored.

I will admit I do not like DPs ex wife but I have very good reasons not least that she's assaulted me a couple of times. However I still tolerate her talking to him as they have children together. I learnt to ignore her mad texts and emails as I know now she is just looking for a response.

Honestly just ignore his gf completely. She's attention seeking and people like her hate nothing more than being completely ignored. It took me years to learn it but now I have I am glad I do as after a couple of weeks of no response whatsoever everything dried up and its been nearly 18 months since the last stupid email from his ex. I just wish I'd ignored her sooner

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 22/07/2013 11:21

how strange that she's sunddenly decided to start doing this now

dont go round there and dont send anymore txts. if she sends you another then go to the police to let them know. tell them its been going on a while and you've told her to stop but she keeps doing it. dont delete anymore either... or if you need/want too then keep a notebook instead with date, time and what was sent.

Original poster

ILoveTomHardy · 22/07/2013 12:35

I won't be texting her again that's for sure. Will just have to see if my text has put her off sending me any more.

OP posts:

LunaticFringe · 22/07/2013 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ILoveTomHardy · 22/07/2013 12:54

That is a great idea. Could just get a phone for £10.00 from Tesco or somewhere and give him the number for that. I have an iphone and my DS plays games on it from time to time. I would hate him to see any messages from her as you can't lock the messaging screen from the rest of the phone. If I have a PAYG I can just look at it from time to time to see if there are any texts about changes in arrangements regarding DS and then just put in a drawer during the rest of the time.

OP posts:

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