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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report my ex husband's gf to the police for harassment

64 replies

ILoveTomHardy · 21/07/2013 11:31

I am engaged but do not live with my fiance. I have been divorced from my ex for seven years. We have contact via text only. His gf of around five years has recently started sending me nasty texts in the early hours of the morning, mainly calling me names. I haven't mentioned this to my ex yet. Got another text at 2am this morning calling me a gold digger. Would it be unreasonable to report her to the police? Or should I tell my ex first?

I am 39 and they are both in their mid forties so we're not kids. My ex and I have an eight year old DS.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2013 12:57

I would bet that he is lying his arse off to her about money. If he is earning that much and paying that little only a fool, or someone being lied to, would call you a gold digger.

Original poster
ILoveTomHardy · 21/07/2013 13:14

Him lying to her about money would make some sense but he has always earned a fortune. They own several houses together so she must know what he earns. I only get £200 because that's what I wanted. I didn't want to rely on maintenance in case it stopped at any time. I wanted to be self sufficient if that makes sense. I don't earn much but what I have got is mine and I've earnt it, not him.

OP posts:
BridgetBidet · 21/07/2013 13:19

I think she has a drink problem too. Is your son going round and staying there? I would be concerned.

antimatter · 21/07/2013 13:20

I think if she texted again I would reply - Is there a problem with £200/month maintenance your husband is paying for his son?

this would stop any communication with you as they will start fighting over his lies to her :)

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2013 13:29

On a side note, if you don't want or need the CM, could you put it into a trust or education fund? It just irks me when women say that they don't need/want/ask for CM. It isn't for you, it's for DS. [None of my business emoticon]

antimatter · 21/07/2013 13:31

I'll second MrsTerryPratchett

ImperialBlether · 21/07/2013 13:36

I disagree with you about the amount you get. That money is for your child; it's not maintenance for you. If your child's father earns more money then your child should benefit. Obviously if you earned a lot, your child would benefit, too.

Do you know it's definitely from her?

I would phone your husband at work to discuss your son. I wouldn't let his girlfriend dictate who I could talk to about my child.

Edendance · 21/07/2013 13:38

Me too MrsTerry, in the future when he'd like driving lessons, car, university etc you might wish you had that extra cash to fall back onto to help with bigger and more luxury purchases for him. Don't let your pride get in the way of more access to funds for him.

ImperialBlether · 21/07/2013 13:39

OK I've just worked it out for you online and he should be paying £188 PER WEEK.

OP, you are getting 1/4 of what you should be getting. That isn't right.

I'd give her gold digger.

ImperialBlether · 21/07/2013 13:42

And when you think about it, you are doing everything for the child. He does nothing more than text. His girlfriend is causing you sleepless nights.

For god's sake, OP, grow some balls here! You were married to this man, you weren't a one night stand. (One reason his gf might be pissed off is that you were married to him and she isn't.) He should be paying what he owes.

He is taking home £5,500 and giving you £200 for your child? That is so wrong.

softlysoftly · 21/07/2013 13:47

Ha you should text her back

"Thanks Just realised I'm only getting 1/4 of what I should be. Appreciate the heads up on gold digging exdh will be getting his increased csa letter shortly".

Not really but would be fun!

cozietoesie · 21/07/2013 15:12

I'm with MrsTerryPratchett on this one. I'll lay odds, in fact, that he has another woman on whom he is expending large amounts of money or time - and you're the excuse of the day.

Await fireworks on this one, I think. (But keep an eye out for your son's well being through it all.)

Montybojangles · 21/07/2013 16:19

Perhaps they are talking of marrying and he has written a will leaving a substantial amount to your DS. This would be a perfectly reasonable thing for him to do to ensure his first child is a beneficiary.

She though may see it as you and your son getting in on the act, rather than it being your exh making provision for his own flesh and blood in the future (just guessing).

Justforlaughs · 21/07/2013 16:24

I second or third claiming what your DC is entitled to, i can understand why you don't want to rely on it but I think you should bank it for when they are older. Just make sure that you save any future texts from her, you may need them sometime if it doesn't stop. Out of interest, did you copy your ex into your text message?

Aquamildred · 21/07/2013 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuchessFanny · 21/07/2013 16:33

I would want him to know, things have been seemingly well for these last few years and all of a sudden these nasty texts ?? Something has obviously shifted .. hes lying to her about money, or has told her he doesnt want to marry again ? shes lashing out at you, but i too would worry that she might start getting funny with DS -- how do you think exH would/ will react ??

ImperialBlether · 21/07/2013 16:52

Do they have children together?

cozietoesie · 21/07/2013 16:58

I think the OP has said that they don't have children together but she has two grown up DC.

thebody · 21/07/2013 17:02

agree softlysoftly, excellent idea.

op your dh should pay more to his son whether you like it or not, it's his right. bank it for him.

warn ex you will contact the police.

personally I wouldn't send my child to be cared for by someone who was sending me abusive text messages as that's violent conduct.

ImperialBlether · 21/07/2013 17:04

Oh thanks, hadn't noticed that about the children. I reckon the gf is steaming about not being married and not having children with him.

And yes, I wouldn't let my child near someone who was sending me texts like that in the middle of the night. That is very hostile behaviour.

Phone your husband, OP, and talk to him. Phone him at work.

FelixCited · 21/07/2013 19:14

I agree more money for the child and then put it in a savings account for when they are older. And therefore you are not relying on it, but providing for DC future.

Good luck OP x

Original poster
ILoveTomHardy · 22/07/2013 07:10

Don't get me wrong here, I do need the £200 per month maintenance. I don't earn very much at all. When me and my ex split it was very acrimonious and I was just worried that if the maintenance was high that he wouldn't pay it and I would be in a mess financially if I relied on it to look after my DS. As it is my ex has paid every month, on time for the past seven years.

It's clear that she has a problem with me for some reason but I don't know why. I don't ask my ex for anything. He has our son once a week, overnight. They aren't asked to have him in the school holidays or even for a full weekend.

I haven't had any response to my text but I'm sure this won't be the end of it. Thank you all for your responses.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveTomHardy · 22/07/2013 07:20

I can't call him at work. Without outing myself he works shifts and I never know what shift pattern he is working in order for me to catch him at work. He has asked me not to ring him at all as she doesn't like it.

However I am getting concerned about my DS being there if this is how she is going to behave. I will have to speak to my ex but I'm just not sure how at the moment.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 22/07/2013 07:22

Can you email him easily?

Original poster
ILoveTomHardy · 22/07/2013 07:30

The only contact detail I have for him is his work mobile. I don't have his home number or an email address.

OP posts: