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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
Onesleeptillwembley · 21/07/2013 13:03

Aargh. Tell her that save the date obviously doesn't mean anything.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 21/07/2013 13:04

Once upon a time, people just sent invites a few months before the wedding. Now we get save the date cards a few months before the invites...

YANBU. If you do send save the date cards they go to people you are inviting. And to ask you to help decorate the venue? Cheeky bitch. That'd be one less friend on my Christmas list!

YoniMitchell · 21/07/2013 13:09

Cheeky cow! Loved your respone OP. Grin

sparkle9 · 21/07/2013 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skippingdolefully · 21/07/2013 13:12

... just marking place ...

Chivetalking · 21/07/2013 13:16

Every time I think I've heard it all someone tops it Shock

That one's a dead cert for gold in the Bridezilla Olympics Grin

Cloola · 21/07/2013 13:17

I love the poems!! Can't wait to see what she replies!

pigletmania · 21/07/2013 13:20

Exasperated that is class Grin

KatieScarlett2833 · 21/07/2013 13:20

Plan a get together with all the other rejected invitees and plaster pics all over FB giving bridezilla the finger Smile

chanie44 · 21/07/2013 13:22

I luffs wedding thread

Pancakeflipper · 21/07/2013 13:22

Do people get injected with a special "I am going to forget decency, common sense and manners" antidote when they are planning weddings and top up on " me,me,me,me all about me and you can all do things for me too" juice ?

BalloonSlayer · 21/07/2013 13:24

Oh I just love an outrageously self-centred bride thread!!

It all confirms my old fashioned view that the Facebook Generation think they are superstars. The Bride's view is that the OP will of course be devastated at not being invited, because it is the Wedding of the Century, but she will never get cross with The Bride, because everyone loves The Bride, and understands The Bride's cute, ditzy ways. The OP will be thrilled to be asked to help make the day perfect for The Bride, because she loves The Bride so much, as everyone does, and will be so desperate to play a part in the Wedding of the Century that she will be happy to decorate the hall. She might even get to catch a glimpse of The Bride when she comes to check out the work. The Bride won't even think that it was odd to send out "save the date" cards to people she wasn't going to invite - because you'd all come to the church anyway, or crowd around the church door to see her come out, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you? Because even though you are not important enough to her to be invited to her wedding, she is really really important to you. Because Everyone. Loves. Her. Because she is so fabulous.

Seriously. This is how she is thinking.

SisterMatic · 21/07/2013 13:27

Hahaha exasperate!

Cerisier · 21/07/2013 13:27

Also love Mardy's poem. I can't believe how rude some brides can be.

EvieanneVolvic · 21/07/2013 13:28

What Balloonslayer said

Aquamildred · 21/07/2013 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helenthemadex · 21/07/2013 13:29

can't wait for her response

Arisbottle · 21/07/2013 13:30

If she is a friend and this is out of character I would give her the benefit of the doubt and help.

Weddings often get more expensive than the couple expect and they need to scale back, I suspect this is what happened.

I would feel awful if my friend over stretched herself financially so I could be at her wedding. I would also feel awful if my friend needed my help but felt she could not ask because she could not afford to invite me .

NatashaBee · 21/07/2013 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvieanneVolvic · 21/07/2013 13:32

Arisbottle you're no fun! Nice, yes; charitable , definitely. But no fun. Or are you in fact the bride in this scenario? Grin

Arisbottle · 21/07/2013 13:33

No but I was a bride who could not afford a wedding and did cause offence without meaning to.

QuickQuickSloe · 21/07/2013 13:33

As requested I saved the date
And for my invite I did wait
What's this I see?
An email for me!
She only wants me to decorate.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/07/2013 13:37

Aristotle you may have a point but this woman hadn't offered an explanation for op or their mutual friend's exclusion.

She is being quite staggeringly rude by sending out STD cards then reneging on them, is arrogant and OP isn't being a doormat.

oohdaddypig · 21/07/2013 13:38

Arisbottle, I bet you at least explained to the dis-invitees the reason for their lack of invite and didn't expect free hall decoration services?

These rhymes are brilliant.

OP I thought in the end your response was perfect - far more dignified than mine would have been.

kaosak · 21/07/2013 13:40

Yes but she clearly can afford it if she has 80 people attending and even if you couldn't afford it you wouldn't ask someone that you had not invited to decorate the hall!

That is hideously crass not worthy of any kind of sympathy or excuses I'm afraid.

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