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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
pictish · 22/07/2013 21:05

No I'm sorry - it's just not cutting enough.

hermioneweasley · 22/07/2013 21:05

I would go with Pictish's response (though talkativejim's would be great for entertainment value, but does run the risk she issues an emergency invite and you have to go, buy a gift and decorate her flaming hall!).

Any of the others suggest that you are hurt (which I'm sure you are, but you don't want her to think you are desperately sad to be missing out on wedding of century). Pictish's is clear, dignified, mature and retains the high ground.

Areyoumadorisitme · 22/07/2013 21:06

Blimey, she just doesn't get it does she?? How can people be so dense??

CommanderShepard · 22/07/2013 21:08

Talkativejim's reply is definitely the way forward, I think.

What a cheeky mare!

MalcolmTuckersMum · 22/07/2013 21:11

Love love love this thread!

TalkativeJim's suggestion is best - in practical terms.

Dear Bitch - Are you on glue? is best in all other ways -- although SDTG is also good.

You really DO have to leave it so that she has to answer you - or at the very least have a good hard aubergine up the arse think about herself. Are you sending it tonight?

FannyFifer · 22/07/2013 21:12

I really thought you were a mate
For your wedding I saved the date
I just can't believe your gall
I wont decorate your hall
Find another mug for fucks sake!

Thepursuitofhappiness · 22/07/2013 21:15

I like talkativejim's the best too.

Be prepared that there may be a chance that she pretends you have got the wrong end of the stick and actually pretends you were invited all along, so she saves face.

I'd love to see her response if she still thinks that you can't wait to help decorate without an invite though.

Oh of course she will definitely expect wedding presents from all the STD people who didn't get invites.

VixZenFenchell · 22/07/2013 21:16

Dear F

There has been a misunderstanding. I assumed your "STD" card would be followed by an invitation, as is the correct etiquette. You assumed I would want to give up an entire day to decorate for a party at which I will not be present. Obviously, we were both wrong.

Regards,
Tidy.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 22/07/2013 21:17

Shamelessly marking my place. She's unbelievable.

YoniRanger · 22/07/2013 21:19

I'm crying at Dear Bitch are you on glue?

Use that!

TooTabooToBoo · 22/07/2013 21:19

wow, this is the thread that keeps giving!!

What a bloody madam!

Ilovemyself · 22/07/2013 21:20

Wow. Having just found this thread it took some reading. Talkative Jims and then when she hangs herself something along the lines of the head up arse comment lol

SauvignonBlanche · 22/07/2013 21:20

I love talkativejim"s suggestion but what will you do if you receive a grudge invite?

pictish · 22/07/2013 21:24

It's too high a risk.
She blusters back...Of course you are invited...hasn't it arrived yet?

Then Tidy has to decorate the shitting hall for a bloody wedding she has been grudgingly tossed an invite for!

NOOOOO!!!

LemonBreeland · 22/07/2013 21:25

Oh it just gets better. Grin Definitely send jims reply.

ArcticBlast · 22/07/2013 21:26

de-lurking, loving this thread.

Dear Bitch are you on glue? brilliant.
closely followed by the veil in colon.
Anything else is not worthy of the cah!! Grin Grin

IDontDoIroning · 22/07/2013 21:26

Yes what if she issues you with a last minute invite. ?

CorrieDale · 22/07/2013 21:26

I quite like vixzen's reply! But jim's was the best - you chose well Tidy! But she's not going to get it and you may need to send her the link to this thread. There'll be 500 posts by then....

ChasedByBees · 22/07/2013 21:26

Agree with Pictish. I think you should be honest about what the problem is as she doesn't get it.

pictish · 22/07/2013 21:27

And she'd have to buy a gift!!

chrome100 · 22/07/2013 21:27

I think you need a "serious" reply which maintains your moral high ground. Don't have a go, or be passive aggressive as she clearly has no idea how inappropriate she has been. She clearly needs it spelling out so explain it to her, in simple terms why she has been so rude.

Ezio · 22/07/2013 21:27

Pictish, thats where the Brasso comes in.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/07/2013 21:28

Pictish is right - I wouldn't say anything that risks you getting an invitation along with the expectation that you will decorate the hall for her. You need to send a message that makes it clear how rude, offensive and entitled her behaviour has been, and how you would rather be having colonic irrigation than decorating her wedding venue!

pictish · 22/07/2013 21:31

This was my original suggestion...

You thought I would like to help? Whatever made you think that?
You thought I would jump at the chance to give up my time to decorate the hall for your wedding, to which I have not been invited, despite being sent a save the date card? Really?!
Just to clarify my position on this....it's a no.

It's not funny, or particularly cutting. It's not witty or clever...but it is realistically what I would send under these circumstances. Blunt and faintly angry.

TidyDancer · 22/07/2013 21:34

We are definitely not invited, she can't issue a late invitation without a massive backtrack.

Have sent talkativejim's reply for the sheer baiting nature of it. I have no idea what she will come back with!

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