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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have not organised a proper birthday party for DS next weekend?

27 replies

thefuturesnotourstosee · 20/07/2013 12:38

he will be 1. I've had my mum AND my MIL phoning up this morning wanting to know when and where his party is, why they haven't had an invitation yet and what they should bring.

He will be ONE. I've asked 2 friends with similar aged babies over. They can play with some balloons, make a huge mess with a bit of cake and jelly and go home again.

My MUm: Well wouldn't it be nice to go to a soft play area you could invite lots of children from the play group

My MIL - why not have a big picnic in the park they could have little boxes of their own and you could put a big paddling pool up for them all.

HE WILL BE ONE. HE WON'T CARE. aibu? Should I spring into action and sort something out? (and no hes not the first grandchild. MIL has 7 and my mum has 4 )

OP posts:

Original poster

thefuturesnotourstosee · 20/07/2013 12:38

sorry for typing ds is trying to help!!

OP posts:

ilovepowerhoop · 20/07/2013 12:40

my 2 never had a proper party until they were about 4 but we did have family round for a birthday tea with cake, crisps, etc

Sirzy · 20/07/2013 12:40

Of course your not being unreasonable!

Perhaps you could invite the grandparents to have a picnic in the park with you next weekend so they feel like they have been involved?

WorraLiberty · 20/07/2013 12:41

YANBU

The thought of a 1yr old baby having a birthday party and people running themselves ragged to sort it, always makes me laugh.

We just spent the day looking through old photos/video footage and had a nice dinner.

SteepApproach · 20/07/2013 12:45

YANBU. There's no point in overloading your DS or yourself with a massive party. However, it might help if you can get Mum and MIL round for cake at some point?

Mogz · 20/07/2013 12:46

You're right, he is one and won't remember, do what makes you happy and gives you an easy time of it! Personally cake and jelly mess making sounds faaaar better than an organised party. Tell DM and DMil to come over, bring messy play clothes to join in with the fun and a box of chocs and a bottle of wine for you!

happyhorse · 20/07/2013 13:03

YANBU. I had the grandparents round for birthday cake for the first couple of years, and actually that was just to keep them happy. It's lovely to have involved grandparents, but sometimes catering to their expectations can get a bit wearing.

Shrugged · 20/07/2013 13:38

When my son turned one, I just planned to make brownies for him to take with him to the toddler group his childminder takes him to. As it turned out, he had norovirus which he then gave to me, so we spent the day cuddled up on the futon, taking it in turns to be sick...

Pigsmummy · 20/07/2013 13:43

I have a tiny house so not having a party, GP's are miles away so will probably just be me, DD and DH having a late lunch to celebrate DD's first birthday.

elQuintoConyo · 20/07/2013 14:08

I just had family (8 + 2 kids) round the house for afternoon tea and cakes. DS is a winter baby, so no going for a picnic.
It's all we wanted and DS won't remember it only have two crappy photos woops

elQuintoConyo · 20/07/2013 14:10

Oh Shrugged that's horrible.
When you say 'took it in turns' do you mean you rolled a dice and moved counters? Sorry

TwelveLeggedWalk · 20/07/2013 14:12

Your idea sounds fab.
We did a big party/naming ceremony for out dts' first, but that was for us, to say thank you to people and to celebrate surviving!
This year will be very low key, as will the next however many years I can get away with until I have double pester-power on my case!

burberryqueen · 20/07/2013 14:13

for a first birthday a family teaparty is quite sufficient! it is more about you parents making it through a v hard year. The baby doesn't know what is going on nor will have any memories of it. so congratulations and enjoy your cake!

Rootatoot · 20/07/2013 14:16

Ds is 2 quite soon. His first birthday was a minefield. I had planned quiet party with few friends with babies on the day and to see family separately around the date. It was partly so d's wasn't overwhelmed, but also as I was so very sleep deprived, so I wouldn't have to cater for house guests as well as a big party.

I hadn't factored in the loopy grandparents! It is such a big deal to them, honestly. If you can involve them, just do it. I ended up feeling I'd unintentionally snubbed family without meaning to. Still feel awkward that I got pushed about & ended up with half baked kids and family do.

This year,I got it sorted!

mikkii · 20/07/2013 14:22

DD2 will be 3 in October, so far she has only had GP and siblings for birthday cake, no parties and I'm not planning one this year either.

DS is 9 in 3 weeks time, this will be his first party free birthday, but he is having a friend over to play, which was his choice. He wanted a TV for he playroom and no party was the trade off as a TV is too big a present for a birthday. In addition, he shares the TV with DD's and they all get no big Christmas presents this year.

Ideally they would have waited until Christmas for it, but I am sick of kids TV (after almost 9 years) so it is also a present for DH and I!

TimeofChange · 20/07/2013 14:33

OP: do you have a problem with your DM & MIL?

Could you not invite them round for cake and jelly too?

Isn't it lovely that they are interested in your DS or would you prefer them not to be part of his life?

Original poster

thefuturesnotourstosee · 20/07/2013 18:06

Sorry been busy.

Honestly I have no problem with either of them. I could invite them round BUT they both live over 3 hours away so would need to stay the night. Quite happy for them to come round another time but we only have one spare room and I can't see them sharing it We'll be visiting both of them during August anyway so they will see him.

OP posts:

justalilmummy · 20/07/2013 18:16

Yanbu, I stupidly got pulled into a big massive bbq for my ds first birthday, it was all too much for him and he cried pretty much the whole afternoon, he was just too small
Ur idea sounds lovely very chilled and relaxed I bet he will love it!

Whothefuckfarted · 20/07/2013 18:16

Meh, we didn't have a big party for DD's 1st.

I ordered a cake and made a few sarnies/pizza put out some sweets/crisps etc and MIL, PIL and LO's uncles brought dip, breadsticks and cheese and sausage rolls. DD was the only baby, she had a great time.

Went to a place for lunch and cake at the weekend after with a good few other mums and babies from playgroup who all had kids turning 1 that month.

My friend had a massive party for her wee girls 1st. It was fun too though, and the food was amazeballs. It was more an excuse for the parents to have a party though.

Dackyduddles · 20/07/2013 18:21

Can't they stay in a premier inn type?

Re party up to you really here, it's more your memories of the child that's VIP not the babies. All ill say is whatever you do try to avoid regrets, so however big/small make it special and take lots of photos.

Rootatoot · 22/07/2013 08:00

How did it go op?

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 22/07/2013 08:19

When my DCs turned one we had grandparents and aunts round for cake and a sandwich. IMHO anything else is lunacy

Justforlaughs · 22/07/2013 08:26

We never had any birthday parties for our DCs until they were old enough to chosen and made their own friends, ie. school age/ last year of pre-school. WE always had a cake and present opening with our own immediate family but never really felt the need to invite GPs, ILs, my own siblings etc.

Dontbugmemalone · 22/07/2013 08:33

Of course YANBU. It's your child and of course he won't remember it. People go OTT about birthdays IMO.

When DS1 was one, we ordered pizza and cake and invited the grandparents and SIL, that's it.
He has just turned 5, we took him for a very small surprise picnic in the park. Just me, DH and DCs.

When DS2 was one, we had cake.

We don't 'do' parties. Pain in the backside if you ask me.

Rootatoot · 22/07/2013 10:37

I think if you live near family it's a diff kettle if fish. Nice doing laid back family tea. But I'm in same boat as op. Gps coming means house guests. As a kid, we had birthday tea with couple of friends but seems my attempt to do same wasn't poss cos our parents demand to be there on the day, unlike theirs.

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