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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make DM buy new shoes for DD

99 replies

booksandchoc · 19/07/2013 20:06

After she has let DD run about the back garden all afternoon with no nappy on, peeing all over herself, and now her shoes are soaked with pee?

Only got the shoes on Sunday so not even a week old FFS. She thought they were old ones because they look a little scuffed (isn't that what happens to kids shoes?!) and she had had the same pair a few months ago?

Aargh I am raging!!!!

I managed to get a new pair of the exact same shoes in the Clarks sale, so AIBU to make her give me the £16 I just had to pay??

OP posts:

MrsKeithRichards · 19/07/2013 22:37

Seriously, detach emotionally from the shoes! She can be barefoot, in her sucks ie clad in the first Italian leather moccasins, she will give not a fuck.

WalkingRaces · 19/07/2013 22:38

Wow that's rude pigsmummy.

Like B&C said, read the thread.

I would be pissed off in your shoes, OP. If you'll pardon the punning.

Good plan re dd seeing dm, going forward. I note dm had your dd in the garden, nappyless, not indoors where dm's carpets would be peed on.

MrsKeithRichards · 19/07/2013 22:39

And yy to no nappy on a day like this. Dan is 14 m and spent the day in one of his big brothers t shirts (7 year old! Covered him top to toe and was v. cool)

Original poster

booksandchoc · 19/07/2013 22:42

It actually isn't the shoes I'm bothered about anymore. It's the principle of it all. They are hardly expensive smart leather shoes, they are clarks, bought them on sale, so where £16. Cream leather, Velcro strap. So I like DD to look nice, shoot me now. She gets mucky and a mess all the time, I knew the shoes would be trashed eventually. Don't know why I'm even bothering really. Like I've said already a million times I realise IABU!

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 19/07/2013 22:42

dry out with kitchen roll, squirt anti bac spray, wipe, dry out again. they don't smell. I can not afford to replace good shoes everytime they get weed in.

Original poster

booksandchoc · 19/07/2013 22:43

Walkingraces, sometimes I would like a like button on comments!!

OP posts:

Original poster

booksandchoc · 19/07/2013 22:45

I wouldn't replace them either blackeyed, if it was me who had let her running about peeing in her shoes. But I didn't get to make the choice, so I am annoyed.

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 19/07/2013 22:45

but yes, generally leather shoes should be looked after with some consideration, and not worn in the sea dd she should not have assumed.

trixymalixy · 19/07/2013 22:49

I can empathise as anything good I send to my DMs seems to come back ruined. I however am grateful for the help my DM gives me and have learned not to send anything nice.

As for the leather shoes. DD is nearly 4 and still pees in her leather shoes regularly. If I bought new ones every time it happened I'd be broke. Just give them a rinse and they'll be fine.

MrsOakenshield · 19/07/2013 22:51

if she'd trodden on a thorn or something like that, presumably you'd be up in arms about that? Or should she have kept her indoors in her Nice Shoes?

The principle is (if I understand you correctly), you are getting free childcare from your DM. If you want certain standards met, employ a nanny.

ImagineJL · 19/07/2013 22:51

I think it's unfair and unreasonable to expect OP to be totally blasé and chilled-out about all these things.

Yes of course we all accept that kids make mess and damage their stuff, that's life. And whilst we don't ruin their enjoyment in order to keep their nice things nice, we all try to curb their activities to an extent, watching out for potential mishaps and trying to prevent them before they happen. That's basic parenting, we all do it without thinking I'm sure.

It just gets a bit wearing when grandparents adopt a totally relaxed attitude, creating work and expense that we can do without. It's unnecessary hassle.

I always dress my kids accordingly when they visit grandparents, in clothes that I'm happy for them to trash. And I don't get them take brand new or particularly precious toys with them. And I'm sure OP does the same whenever possible, but it's still a bit irritating to have to think like that and take that extra bit of care.

BlackeyedSusan · 19/07/2013 22:55

dd accidently wees, so that is less annoying than carelessness of an adult.

however, yabu... I have just hauled myself off my rathe large derrrierr and gone to sniff dd's shoes.. nop smell with the antibac trreatment. and i am lazy and just squirt...

Original poster

booksandchoc · 19/07/2013 22:56

MrsOakenshield, if she had trod on a thorn or something, I would be concerned about DD but wouldn't be bothered. She goes in our back garden barefoot, and walks over stones Etc. if she falls and scrapes her knee I pick her up and put her back on her feet, she isn't mollycoddled. And I don't have free childcare. I don't need childcare due to the shifts DH and I work. DM asked to take DD for a few hours. I was at home, but would rather have been with DD.

OP posts:

Original poster

booksandchoc · 19/07/2013 22:57

That should say, concerned but wouldn't be that bothered, as long as DM had made sure it was treated ok.

OP posts:

MNHQ

OliviaIsOffTheGinMumsnet · 19/07/2013 22:58

Goodness me
Peace and love all

Ihatepeas · 19/07/2013 23:00

I think YANBU and dont understand why you are getting such a hard time on this thread. You have explained why you sent her in a dress and nice shoes. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
I would be very annoyed if my dd had spent the day pissing all over the place, i think this is discusting tbh.

I agree you should just hand wash the shoes but that's hardly the point. (I would also buy your daughter cheep crocs equivilant to live at grandmas.)

CoolaSchmoola · 19/07/2013 23:06

It is a well known fact that pee is actually brilliant for leather. It is also a well known facrot that part of the tanning process leather goes through involves literally soaking it in huge vats of piss.

Shoes, handbags, clothing - all thoroughly piss soaked. It is done to soften it (untreated leather is hard and brittle) and usually in a mixture of cow and human piss.

The shoes are not ruined, it will actually have made them MORE supple, and moulded them to the shape of your DDs feet, so they will fit better than ever. And at least this time it's her pee, not some random chaps like last time that leather was piss soaked...

Wash them, they'll come up like new, but a better and more comfortable fit.

Soldiers pee on their boots to soften them up.

QuickQuickSloe · 19/07/2013 23:10

Really IHatePeas? It's disgusting to let a baby run around in the sunshine without a nappy on? I am a proper wrong 'un then- I have been doing this all week!

OP, you just need to say it is a problem. You shouldn't try and make your mum do anything.

Original poster

booksandchoc · 19/07/2013 23:13

Quickquick, I did say it was a problem to DM and she enraged me by laughing and saying it will clean. I know it probably will, but I think she should be the one cleaning them, not me. And it is disgusting if they have been left to run about letting the wee dry all over there legs, which is probably what my DM done.

OP posts:

Ihatepeas · 19/07/2013 23:17

Quick Nothing wrong with being naked but peeing all over the place..yes I think that is discusting! I would not want to be covered in my own urine or to be walking around in squelchy pissy shoes.. Would you?

BlackeyedSusan · 19/07/2013 23:18

it will clean... yeah but it is not her doing the sodding cleaning...

QuickQuickSloe · 19/07/2013 23:33

Well booksandchoc you didn't mention DD's legs being covered in dry urine. That is a different matter entirely, that is neglect.

GladbagsGold · 19/07/2013 23:39

I'd be annoyed too, yanbu op.

umpti67 · 19/07/2013 23:48

Well that's probably the price of an afternoon's babysitting heh! Get some fake crocs. If you want perfection with childcare, do it yourself. Agree it's irritating tho.

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