to lie to dp about times so he doesnt make me late?

[muddyprints]

Dp is late for everything, he under-estimates how long things will take and leaves things till the last minute.

On 2 occasions in the last week he has been late home and caused me to have to rush somewhere leaving me stressed out.

1. parents evening, he was at a funeral and said he'd be back for 5 so book a slot for 5 onwards. I booked 5.30 to give him extra time as he shouldn't have to rush back. I have no car and its a 10 minute walk (longer with kids). At 5.25 he arrives home and looks puzzled as I rush out the door racing to school while he is slowly getting his bag out the car. I arrived hot and sweaty a few minutes late. his excuse, he offered someone a lift and had to wait for them to get some stuff out of his car.

1. dd2 needed to go docs, he said he would be home from the pub after work so 1 of us could drive her there for 5.45 appointment. dd1 was also ill and its a 30 min walk which she wouldn't have managed. he got home at 5.40 and couldn't understand me again racing past him with ill dd2 late as usual. his excuse, he had bought his friend a pint and friend was late to pub so he had to wait for him.

tonight he said hes going for a pint after work at 5, I have told him im taking dd1 to a disco at 6 and he has agreed to watch dd2. on leaving, he said "you don't want to be there at the start do you". I told him I don't have to be there dead on 6 but she will be tired later so don't want to go too late and it will take 15 mins to walk there. Ive asked him to be home by 6 so I can get her there before 6.30 but I have a feeling it will be later and im fed up of him making me late.

aibu to lie and alter times in the future?

I would. In fact, I have, when it's something particularly important.

It might work the first few times but its not a long term solution. If my mum sets the time for somethings she will be 2-3 hours late. If I set the time I'm looking at anything from 30 mins to 2 hours. (Including important things like having my son so I can go to work on time - I'm looking for a reliable option ATM)

I've lied to her a few times about what time things start, her friends all do. Makes no difference - She now assumes that everyone is always lying and still comes when she comes.

Nope. YANBU. Lie away.

I'm a bit at pub post work when you have an ill daughter too if I'm honest.

I would. I agree its not a long term solution.

Can he set an alarm or calendar reminder on his phone? So if he needs to leave the pub by 5.45 to get home for 6 he sets a reminder for 5.40. That way he's got no bloody excuse!

I would definitely lie.

This winds me up no end and the late people just don't understand their utter selfishness!!

I would feel no guilt about that at all. In fact I used to do it to my cousin any time he was invited to anything, as he was ALWAYS at least an hour late. Giving him the wrong time got him to my wedding JUST in time.

I would, and have done in the past with my ex. However, going to the pub when your DD is ill and you have another DD to look after is a bit in my opinion.

Yanbu. Dp find about the time top me for the same reason!

I'd insist on keeping the car those days as he's proven that he will totally ignore the plans you've agreed.

I do regularly

Perhaps if he had to do these things he'd bother to be on time?

(Maybe not the disco!)

Usually I'd say yes, fine to lie. DH does this to me occasionally and I don't mind because it gets me out the house on time.

But I would perhaps suggest on this occasion he went without his 2nd post-work trip to the pub in 1 week while you've been caring for his sick children.

I think the problem is less about lateness and more his lack of respect for the rest if the family; he seems to think what he is doing is more important.

i would... and i have done with dh even for non-important stuff

Why can't he stop being such a useless bastard instead?

For years my mum had her clock and my fathers watch set at least 10 mins fast to get him to places on time. He has a very laid attitude to promptness.
Still changes the time by up to an hour to suit her needs!( in their 70's)

Lateness is just a lack of respect. The late person is indicating their time is more important and valuable than theirs. Unless there's a valid reason - traffic, work emergency etc then I would not tolerate it.

My DP is always late. His parents are the same.

I bet he manages to get to work on time.

I cannot stand selfish, self centred people, who believe their time is more important and more precious than anybody else's!
Arrrggghhhhh......
Why so many trips to the pub?
Tell him to get his arse home straight from work.
Cheeky fecker!

I didn't lie with my ex, I just stopped waiting on him and went wherever I was going or texted him to say since it was so late I had decided not to bother.

Hence the 'ex' Seriously tho you guys are married and if he works out you are adding a half hour on he will just start assuming he has an extra half an hour to piss about.

Best front this out and follow thru with not waiting on him (or making him responsible for the fall out if you have to wait on him - don't make excuses to people on his behalf)

This isn't just being late is it ? It is a twat of a man who puts the pub before a sick child.

No sick child should have to rush to a GP appointment because her twatty father was in the pub

I agree about the pub comments up thread ^^

But, some people do always think it takes less time to get anywhere than they realise. my mum is like this, and I am to a lesser extent. We have routinely brought the times of things forward to take this into account.

It does work over and over again as she'll arrive on time for things so she doesn't clock that we've told her the wrong time.

Tbh (and this may just be me) I would also be unimpressed with him having a drink and then driving home. I know, I know it's legal but that doesn't make it ok in my eyes.

I'm rather more concerned about the fact that he seems to consider it OK to drink and drive