to lie to dp about times so he doesnt make me late?

[muddyprints]

Dp is late for everything, he under-estimates how long things will take and leaves things till the last minute.

On 2 occasions in the last week he has been late home and caused me to have to rush somewhere leaving me stressed out.

1. parents evening, he was at a funeral and said he'd be back for 5 so book a slot for 5 onwards. I booked 5.30 to give him extra time as he shouldn't have to rush back. I have no car and its a 10 minute walk (longer with kids). At 5.25 he arrives home and looks puzzled as I rush out the door racing to school while he is slowly getting his bag out the car. I arrived hot and sweaty a few minutes late. his excuse, he offered someone a lift and had to wait for them to get some stuff out of his car.

1. dd2 needed to go docs, he said he would be home from the pub after work so 1 of us could drive her there for 5.45 appointment. dd1 was also ill and its a 30 min walk which she wouldn't have managed. he got home at 5.40 and couldn't understand me again racing past him with ill dd2 late as usual. his excuse, he had bought his friend a pint and friend was late to pub so he had to wait for him.

tonight he said hes going for a pint after work at 5, I have told him im taking dd1 to a disco at 6 and he has agreed to watch dd2. on leaving, he said "you don't want to be there at the start do you". I told him I don't have to be there dead on 6 but she will be tired later so don't want to go too late and it will take 15 mins to walk there. Ive asked him to be home by 6 so I can get her there before 6.30 but I have a feeling it will be later and im fed up of him making me late.

aibu to lie and alter times in the future?

he has to have car for work, my car was off the road.
he only has 1 pint for an hour after work normally once a week, no problem to me.
its just the lateness that bothers me, and yes he is late for his own stuff aswell.
it is selfish. I think he puts everyone infront of us. like offering someone a lift and then letting them slow him down when we were waiting.
I have told him im not letting him make me late anymore, I will go without him.
he will say he has a half hour job to do and then take 3 hours, I used to wait around for him to finish and get annoyed when the day was gone but now I go without him.
one day we were all going to the park and I got me and 2 dcs in car strapped in etc andf then waited for dp to put shoes on and come out. we waited and waited till eventually he strolled out, I couldn't believe how long he had been, he had decided the plants needed watering and chose to do it while we all sat in the car like idiots. he has also answered the phone and then chatted instead of telling the caller its not convenient. nightmare.

aargh, my DP does exactly this. 'Go & put the baby in the buggy while I put my shoes on', he'll say. fifteen minutes later we'll still be waiting. If I need him back to get to a meeting at 7, he'll arrive at 7, leaving me no time to get there. He gets the hunp if I go without him though. although when I was pregnant I did tell him I couldn't run any more & we'd have to leave a bit earlier to allow for that.

Just lie.

I'm one of those people who is always late for everything, fortunately so are all of my close friends so we know to be quite flexible on plans together, and always meet at someones house rather than in public where we would potentially be left waiting alone. It isn't uncommon for people to be running 2-3 hours late (I'm not quite that bad) for things happening in the evening so we plan around people being crap at timekeeping basically.

If it's something important that I have to be on time for I tend to put it into my calender at least 30 minutes earlier than I have to be there, but I vary how early I put each thing so I can't just mentally adjust to add an extra half hour on IYSWIM. I'm never certain exactly what time the appointment is but arriving 15-20 minutes after the time in my calender still makes me early so I'm not messing anyone else around. It seems to work. The trick is definitely not having a set pattern for how early you put things so you can't just mentally adjust the time in your mind.

*calendar

Oh, lie away. I do this all the time with DP so we actually arrive sometime before whatever it is finishes

The real art is to increase/decrease the 'buffer' so that you stay on time for the important things. Because in my experience if you give half an hour it works for a bit, then you have to give 45 mins, then an hour... Before too long you find yourself getting up at half five in the morning to get to a 3pm wedding

I do this but not always do he never knows. I am never late. He is always late (but not at work )

Our friends come to me first

I've built in half hour of slack for the last 25 years. DH is spot on professionally but at home he's horrendous. blames mil who doesn't really see the point of being on tie for anything. Calms down palpitations at the thought of being late.

YANBU
I do this

DH does this - bloody infuriating. He just doesn't get it. I add half an hour all the time or I'd be having a royal meltdown. I hate lateness - there is a family joke that I'd be early for my own funeral, to me it is just rude. DH just has no concept of time or doing things in the most efficient order.

IME the people who are crappest at being punctual are drivers. So many of them underestimate how long it takes to get somewhere, park, walk from the car park, etc.

Though actually the worst was a meeting with social services - I travelled 40 minutes on the bus and arrived on time; the social worker came from an office on the floor above and was late

Do this all the time. One time, he found out and had the gall to be offended.

Can't stand being late!