To be totally jealous of my rich friend

[Magpieblue]

I've got plenty of friends who earn more than me, and plenty who have much bigger houses, more holidays, nicer clothes etc and I've never really given it much thought, and never begrudged them what they have. But one of my friends is now in a different league altogether - she married a multi-multi-multi etc millionaire a year ago (before that, she was on about £30k). They have a country house that makes Downton Abbey look like a caravan, and apartments in central London and New York. She has "staff"!! Her Facebook (grrrr Facebook) updates are all Maldives holidays, private jets, their properties, land, yacht etc.

I know money isn't everything, and if I try to look objectively at her life I wouldn't want to be her (her husband is 25 years older, she has issues with his grown-up children, and I'm not convinced he's an altogether nice person) but I'm still totally jealous and it's making me unhappy. How can I stop being such an awful person?

Don't be jealous. She has married an old man for his money.

I don't know that I would be jealous.

Can you think that her having what she does doesn't make any difference to what you have? If you were happy before, there is no need to be unhappy because someone has more money than you do.

There will always be someone better off than us unless we are the richest person in the world!

You marry for money, you pay for it.
Saying that, has he got a brother?

Jealousy is a normal human emotion so YANBU. It's all relative though, she's probably socialising now with people richer than them, imagine it's a hard world to live up to. Also what's expected of her? Can she loaf around in jogging bottoms and eat cakes?

Well she's married a horrible old man for his money, so there you go.

Hide her statutusususs

Perhaps look at what ypu do have and be grateful.

Or, look at others with much less than you and get some perspective.

Err don't be jealous! She's probably only married him for his money, wouldn't you much rather be in love with your dh than just love his money?

I would come off of face book for starters, it turns me into the most unattractive envious person ever which is not something I liked at ALL! Then when people tell me about all the lovely things they do face to face in genuinely pleased for them instead of pottering at their endless photos on fb and feeling

Jealousy just creeps in sometimes. It sounds like you know she hasn't "got it all" she's just got money.

If I were you I think I'd be more annoyed at all the bragging updates rather than jealous. Are you sure you don't just find her insufferable and boring? Especially as you haven't painted her life as that rosy really...

I was reading your post and thinking 'wow, what a life, who wouldn't be the teensiest bit jealous of her?'.

Then I read the second paragraph and was reminded of a painting by Sir William Quiller Orchardson

I went out with a very high earning man before I married DH. He was lovely and loaded. However, I would have been bored, lonely and unhappy. I chose to marry DH instead. He was bloody brassic.

OP, if you had my choice, what would you do? Marry the skint --but gorgeous man? Then try to process that and feel sorry for your friend.

Haha, squoosh! Marrying a mean man 25 years older than you is a pretty high price to live in a nice house and go on a few cool holidays. He's probably pre-nupt'ed to the eyeballs as well.

Really though, how "happy" people present themselves to be on facebook is inversely proportional to how happy they are in real life. It's true.

She is not rich. She is married to a man who is. And when he tires of her?

An old school friend is uber rich : she married her husband at college and they have been lucky and their lifestyle is astonishing. But she has the manners not to gloat about it.

Gilded cages. That is all.

If he's a not nice person with grown-up children, she might find herself with less money than she's used to if he dies before her- if he's a millionaire there's probably some major league financial planning in place to keep the money within the family.

Don't be jealous. She has to ride the wrinkle cock to keep her lifestyle. My cunt would be really pissed off with me if I sold it out like that

Psssst . . . . . . is your friend Wendi Deng?

OP, you are totally contradicting yourself.

If money isn't everything and you wouldn't want her life, why would you be jealous.
Either you want what she has or not.

I know that lady in the painting looks miserable squoosh but look at her lovely dress and fancy dining room

That's true Koala but look at the old duffer at the other end of the table. He'll be looking for his elderly jollies once the cigar and brandy is finished.

She's thinking 'oh fuck!'.

It's natural to be jealous but it's not healthy to dwell on it. I drive myself crazy sometimes as kids go to a primary school in the next village which is very well off - heart surgeons and top European lawyers etc etc. all of us in our village are average in life - 3 bed semis, decent but normal jobs (policemen, managers, lecturers etc etc) so we often feel like the poor relations in comparison to what appears to be the wonderful lives of others - BUT I know lots of the rich dads work loads, and can be quite obnoxious. I have a friend with a gorgeous house, holidays to Florida etc but her son has said to another friend that his dad never bothers with or pays him any attention.
Your friend probably has to appear perfect in appearance all the time, entertain visitors etc when all she wants to do is slob on the sofa with stubbly legs and scoff crisps!

Some wise MNetter once said in regards to Facebook envy, "Don't compare your behind the scenes with someone's edited highlights".

'twas a very wise statement.

I have a simliar friend (I'll be going round to use her pool this weekend!). I have moments of kitchen envy being jealous, then I'm reminded that another friend when she saw my rich friend and her DH at a party though that rich friend's DH was her dad. Rich friend wants another DC, but her DH has fertility problems, he has had a cancer scare and is in ill health. It's unlikely he'll still be alive by the time their DCs are out of fulltime education.

Careful what you wish for, I think i've got the better deal with a DH close to my age in great health and has a six pack

Mind you, I tend to think the people I'm most jealous of are those who are only just a little bit better off from us, because that's more attainable IYSWIM, being jealous of my rich friend is like being jealous of the Dutchess of Cambridge, it's not like it's attainable lifestyle for most people, but those who've got a 4th bedroom and a play room for their DCs rather than a dining room covered in trains and are going on nice holidays that are just a little out of our price range are the ones that bring out the green eyed monster in me. (don't get me started on people who snap back into shape within a month of giving birth without going to the gym)

Perhaps read her updates without thinking of her as your contempory? Are you jealous when you read where various celebs are going on their holidays or are wearing posh clothes? I suppose it's harder because you've known her to live a lifestyle similar to yours until very recently and part of you still expects her to plod along in a similar way to you.

That's true squoosh I hope for her sake he had too much brandy and wasn't capable of getting any er "jollies". Balk.