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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally jealous of my rich friend

61 replies

Magpieblue · 19/07/2013 13:20

I've got plenty of friends who earn more than me, and plenty who have much bigger houses, more holidays, nicer clothes etc and I've never really given it much thought, and never begrudged them what they have. But one of my friends is now in a different league altogether - she married a multi-multi-multi etc millionaire a year ago (before that, she was on about £30k). They have a country house that makes Downton Abbey look like a caravan, and apartments in central London and New York. She has "staff"!! Her Facebook (grrrr Facebook) updates are all Maldives holidays, private jets, their properties, land, yacht etc.

I know money isn't everything, and if I try to look objectively at her life I wouldn't want to be her (her husband is 25 years older, she has issues with his grown-up children, and I'm not convinced he's an altogether nice person) but I'm still totally jealous and it's making me unhappy. How can I stop being such an awful person?

OP posts:
Vickibee · 19/07/2013 14:10

perhaps her plan is to divorce him in a few years and get his fortune!

Artyjools · 19/07/2013 14:14

Listen to this OP - - Lying Eyes by The Eagles

Kendodd · 19/07/2013 14:14

You know I just don't get the whole Rich=Horrible attitude on this thread, I don't think it does. And I'm sure on some level she must love him as well. Be happy for them both, they might let you use their pool Smile

BTW Their lifestyle sound great, I'm jealous too.

squoosh · 19/07/2013 14:17

The only reason we're getting rich=horrible is because the OP has said he isn't very nice.

I know plenty of horrible poor people. Being a wanker isn't restricted to a particular socio economic group.

CadleCrap · 19/07/2013 14:23

Instead of being jealous of her life why not try to make your own life seem more interesting.

Best fun in the world is playing in mud with kids and not caring.

A walk with a beautiful view

A water pistol fight

These cost nothing but are the things we remember.

If that doesn't work then think of her heating bill and how far she will have to walk in her mansion to go to the loo.

ssd · 19/07/2013 14:28

I'm jealous of a friend who doesn't need to work, has a lovely big house and great kids and dh

she seems to have it all and she's nice with it

oh well!

ssd · 19/07/2013 14:30

I think its ok to be jealous, whats the problem with it?

I know the best things in life are free, but sometimes it would be nice to have more

CloudsAndTrees · 19/07/2013 14:31

How sad that people are assuming that she has married only for money.

People can have love and money you know, even in age gap relationships.

forehead · 19/07/2013 14:44

TBH, the fact that she feels the need to post all of this on facebook, suggests that she is insensitive or trying to justify her decision to marry an older man.
However, i really don't understand why people believe that being rich and happy are mutually exclusive. Op's friend may or may not be happy, but i almost feel that some posters wish that she is unhappy, because then it will make them feel better about the fact that she is so wealthy.

YoungBritishPissArtist · 19/07/2013 14:54

Maybe she's posting boastful crap all over fb to hide how unhappy she is?

Original poster
Magpieblue · 19/07/2013 14:58

Thanks for the replies everyone - many of which are very helpful and funny ("riding the wrinkle cock"!). Thing is, I do think she loves him and they seem happy which makes it worse

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 19/07/2013 15:00

Ooooh he sounds like a keeper! Already been unfaithful, dumps wife for a younger model? No wonder his grown up kids are pissed off.

PoppyAmex · 19/07/2013 15:02

I'm glad you posted that explanation, OP.

I find it really distasteful that people would assume this woman married for money, when there was nothing in your opening post that suggested that.

PoppyAmex · 19/07/2013 15:02

But surely it's possible this woman actually loves him, no?

squoosh · 19/07/2013 15:03

That sounds like a level of wealth too far for me, I'm not sure I could handle actual staff.

I'd be happy with a common or garden multi millionaire.

dirtyface · 19/07/2013 15:08

Some wise MNetter once said in regards to Facebook envy, "Don't compare your behind the scenes with someone's edited highlights"

totally agree!

AKissIsNotAContract · 19/07/2013 15:08

My dad is loaded, millionaire, treated his wife and kids like shit and now has a much younger girlfriend who he cheats on. Seriously you wouldn't want that life. It might look nice from the outside but it's awful when you live it.

BarnYardCow · 19/07/2013 15:11

I am sure the lifestyle would be lovely for a day, but it can't buy your health or destiny.

saintlyjimjams · 19/07/2013 15:14

Oh don't be jealous. I have a friend who moved into that league and tbh it's so far away from anything we would ever have that it doesn't really register. Also she always wanted money and worked hard to get it etc and I made different choices (worked hard as well but money was never my aim). We started at the same place so I always think I could have made her choices had I wanted to. I didn't want to so it would seem a bit churlish to be jealous about her achievements. I've achieved what I aimed to do & if I'm not happy with it then I only have myself to blame really.

TBH I find a lot of the people she socialises with (the ones who have the same sort of money as her) to be completely dreadful so if that's the price you pay I'd rather hang out with my bunch Grin

PoppyAmex · 19/07/2013 15:16

Erm... yes, and some people are fabulously wealthy and happy.

Bottom line is you'll never find happiness by comparing your life to other people's, but this insistence that rich=miserable is just silly.

HugAMoo · 19/07/2013 15:31

Or maybe she married him for love and he just happens to be very rich, too. Lucky girl! Seems like you're not the only jealous one.

Count your blessings and be happy and content with what you have. Nobody has a perfect life, even more so when they have to brag about it on Facebook imo.

helenthemadex · 19/07/2013 17:20

it is human nature to compare ourselves to others and sometimes to feel jealous, there are many people I look at and think I would love your life but you only see the good bits or the bits that people want you to see.

I love this its from the Desiderata which is a lovely piece of writing worth a google

" If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans"

vinetime · 19/07/2013 18:29

I think your friend sounds a bit awful tbh...it's very vulgar to post stuff like that

vinetime · 19/07/2013 18:39

Sorry - pressed send by mistake!

What I meant to say was - that sounds rather show-off, but I do think it's sad when people let changes in financial circumstances come between them.

Recently it's become clear to me that a very old and close friend is jealous of my circumstances. I'm nothing in the league of your friend - but I inherited some money a few years back that makes my life - how can I put it? - easier in some ways than hers. She can't seem to see that I had to cope with some very difficult family stuff to get here (illness and death and bereavement!). She only sees what I have and she doesn't - and unlike your friend, I am never 'loud' about what I might have in the bank account. It has come between us, and it is a great shame.

BreadNameBread · 19/07/2013 18:44

Jealousy is a bit pointless. There is always someone richer than you and always someone poorer...... Someone happier, prettier, cleverer and someone less happy, uglier and stupider.

If I feel jealous then I give myself a talking to and suppress it. Hmm