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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to travel in a car with DD that my little sister is driving?

34 replies

CheeseFondueRocks · 18/07/2013 14:02

She is 18 and has literally just passed her test a couple of months ago.

In a few weeks, DH, DD (17 months) and I, are going to my home country for a holiday and we won't have a car there. Generally, this isn't an issue as there are enough cars in the family to go around but this year, people are away on holiday and otherwise busy.

I know that at some point, I will be offered/asked to to be given a lift by my youngest sister and while I would be happy to accept if I was by myself, it just doesn't sit right with me with a young child in the car. It would be different if it was driving withing the town but it's motorways/ fast traffic areas without speed limits and up to 3 lanes. She also doesn't have her own car, just shares with other family members so it's not like she gets that much driving practice.

I am a very cautious person, so this obviously plays into my feelings. This won't case an argument btw, I just want to know how other parents would feel about this.

OP posts:

NatashaBee · 18/07/2013 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

CheeseFondueRocks · 18/07/2013 14:09

We're taking a car seat with us and will have to move it around between cars, no isofix.

I think I will just make excuses to avoid the situation. I'd never tell her the truth.

OP posts:

DocMarten · 18/07/2013 14:10

I would go for it. I know you will be nervous, but if you refuse to go with her driving, then it won't do her confidence any good either.

OR, just make excuses and say you don't really want to go out on the days when other family members are not around with their cars. Having a lazy day etc.

BUT you'd probably be very very surprised at how careful these young drivers are nowadays. I feel confident sitting with my dd who is the same age. They are very well taught these days, and dd is a better and more aware driver than myself. Especially when it comes to speed limits and what road signs mean. And I have been driving 30 years.

missesjellybean · 18/07/2013 14:11

to be fair she has passed her test because she is road worthy....it's not like she's driving with no experience...
I was worried about the same thing when my dsis passed hee test and she was / is a great driver...get her to drive you somewhere before your holiday if you can you'll probably be pleasantly surprised

urtwistingmymelonman · 18/07/2013 14:11

I have this same problem.
my 18 year old nephew and his girlfriend want to take my son to lakeside in a couple of weeks to get him a birthday prezzie but im a bit worried.
hes been driving for six months and is very sensible but its a good 40 mins on the motorway and while I think he would try to be sensible,six months is not a lot of driving experience.
hmmmm.

Doodledumdums · 18/07/2013 14:14

I'm with you OP! I am anxious about letting anyone drive with my baby in the car, so i'd definitely refuse to let him in a car with a new driver. My brother is 22 and a good driver, but he is still banned from driving DS around! Until last week even his GP's were banned! (I am paranoid!)

Original poster

CheeseFondueRocks · 18/07/2013 14:16

Statistically, it is very young drivers crashing the most often though. And like I'm said, I'm not talking about roads she usually drives on. And I wouldn't call 3 months experience in driving tbh. Paasing a test isn't that hard. Being confident on multi-lane motorways where people drive 250km/hr is hard.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 18/07/2013 14:18

All roads in england habe speed limits!

ImperialBlether · 18/07/2013 14:19

Yes, but if you broke those stats down, you'd probably find that those crashes are due to drunk friends being in the car, driving very late at night, etc.

Where is it you live that people drive at 250km/hr?

StealthPolarBear · 18/07/2013 14:20

Ah missed that.

Edendance · 18/07/2013 14:21

Passing a driving test does not give you the sort of experience that driving independently over months and years will give you. Technically, a newly qualified driver may be at their most 'accurate'- they may never touch a kerb while parking etc but there is a reason that car insurance costs so much for the newly qualified driver, in terms of experience they have a long way to go.

I took 4 years (in total with on and off learning), and 4 tests to pass, I had a friend who learnt within a year or 2 and passed first time. Her first time out driving (I was with her) we had a very near miss when she was overtaking on an A road, luckily I saw the car as she began to pull out. She then went and rolled the car in a ditch a few months later and had some time off of driving before having more lessons and has been fine ever since.

Chances are your sister is a good driver, she has passed the test and it is hard! But it is no comparison for experience as a driver and time on the road. It's definitely not unreasonable to not let her drive your daughter but no, I wouldn't tell her that's why!

Sleep404 · 18/07/2013 14:22

I imagine she would be extra careful having just passed her test and knowing that she is carrying her niece. I'd go, perhaps try a short close to home journey first, to put yourself at ease. Unless she is trying to show off, unlikely, she is probably a perfectly good driver who will be up on all the rules of the road. You may be reminded of some of these yourself

Mermi · 18/07/2013 14:24

I passed my test 3 years ago and up until fairly recently I was reluctant to take anyone else in the car especially if they weren't immediate family.
Personally I wouldn't have taken offence if someone said that they were reluctant to let me drive their children around and I wouldn't have really wanted the responsibility iyswim. So I think if you say it tactfully she might almost be relieved?

Original poster

CheeseFondueRocks · 18/07/2013 14:27

I'm not doubting she knows the rules, just talking about sheer driving confidence on multi-lane motorways without speed limits. I know I feel not very confident when only driving them a few weeks once a year.

I've made up my mind anyway. I'm sure she is a great driver but she's not experienced and I don't want to take the risk with DD.

OP posts:

DocMarten · 18/07/2013 14:30

Well OP, like you said you have made your mind up.

Maybe you could hire a car and avoid all of this.

Original poster

CheeseFondueRocks · 18/07/2013 14:34

Yes, that's what i was going to do but prices have shot up so much, it's not worth it anymore.

I'll just deal with the situation and do minimal journeys. It's more of a holiday for us then anyway. With a car, we are just expected to rush around all day to visit relatives and friends. It just won't be like that this way and we'll mostly stay in one place. There's everything we need in the town anyway, including great outdoor pools and play parks. I don't need a car for myself, it's more to please others iyswim.

OP posts:

pinkdelight · 18/07/2013 14:37

Can you not drive the same car your sister drives? Just say you'd rather drive when dd's in the car so you take the wheel and, if it's a lift, your sister can take the wheel when you've been dropped off wherever.

Original poster

CheeseFondueRocks · 18/07/2013 14:48

I wouldn't be insured on that car though and it's her mother's car (who isn't my mum) so I'd feel rude asking. Plus then, I'd be making it obvious I don't want her to drive.

I'll just avoid the issue.

OP posts:

neunundneunzigluftballons · 18/07/2013 14:54

No way not least because small children can be so distracting which is what I would tell my sister if she asked. Could you hire a car for a couple of days to get you through?

neunundneunzigluftballons · 18/07/2013 14:55

Sorry I missed your response on hiring a car.

Trills · 18/07/2013 14:56

I think you are being unreasonable, yes.

Twirlyhot · 18/07/2013 16:06

Pottering around town at 30? Fine. On an Autobahn? No.

Original poster

CheeseFondueRocks · 18/07/2013 16:31

at Twirly for knowing what country I'm talking about.

OP posts:

Katiepoes · 18/07/2013 16:43

If she passed her test in Germany she is fine, it's a blood hard place to pass. The Autobahns are easy to manage, who does 250 kph on the inside lanes? Are you even likey to be doing any distances on them?

You are being unreasonable based on your own nerves - so good that you have decided not to get in the car with her, you'll be doing that grabbing and imaginary break pedal pressing thing and will wreck her head.

BadgersRetreat · 18/07/2013 16:54

we got a lift from our nephew when we were back home and he had just passed his test - was probably the safest drive i've ever been on!

we don't have kids.

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