To be said some friends haven't sent me a condolence message...AIBU

[OctopusPete8]

I lost my grandad on the weekend, I posted about it on fb on sunday and got some messages, of condolence but some friends, one in particular has been on fb numerous times talking with photos, posts etc

not so much as even a 'thinking of you' or a text

I feel let down and that this person is selfish,self absorbed?

I have admitted I was OTT ,
My friend has had form for being a bit insensitive and self absorbed, that's not U its true. The two can co exist you know!

BigPantyGirl, I'm glad you're so at ease about being such a compassionate person when someone is going through a lot,I only posted one status,is that allowed? hardly fucking attention seeking, when family live far and wide.

My grandmother died a few weeks back. I shared my favourite photo I have of her with a wee babby DS, but didn't make a statement or announcement. It's the wrong place for that.

Why on earth would anyone want to get validation for something so serious?

Those that need to know, don't need to read about it on FB.

Someone recently was on here giving out about someone hitting "Like" on a post she'd made about her terminally ill mother.

Ffs, FB is not the place! Not for that. Get validation in what you do from yourself, not from "Likes" or "pokes"

If this were all about 'family', you could have sent private messages.

It IS private family business, not for global FB consumption.

Ooooh my first message deletions, how thrilling

Why is the death of a loved relative private business ffs? Thats ridiculous! I think some of you have been very harsh on this thread. Of course its worth sympathy if someones grandparent dies- just because its expected doesnt mean it doesnt hurt those left behind!
So sorry for your loss OP.

"I only posted one status,is that allowed? hardly fucking attention seeking..."

Erm, OP. What you did is the very definition of attention-seeking. I'm not saying that to be cruel, I'm saying that because when you post something publicly, and want people to comment upon it, you are by definition seeking attention.

You didn't post about your grandfather's death just to inform people - you wanted them to respond.
That's why you got cross when one of your friends didn't offer their condolences, right? Despite the fact that she may not have seen it/ didn't think it was appropriate/ didn't want to upset you further/ whatever.

I'm sorry that your grandfather died, and I don't think making yourself more upset by presuming your friend doesn't care is the way forward.
Ring your friend and stop assuming that others live their lives through facebook.

I missed a fb friend having an operation as I've hidden her updates and hadn't seen her posting for two weeks. In fact if you're one of the handful I have hidden on my newsfeed I could well be none the wiser about your grandfathers death. Yabu

A FB status is not a message to your friend. It's a broadcast message to whoever so happens to see it.

I have maybe 170 people on fb. Some are my friends, some part of my social circle, some acquaintances. I would not rely on an fb status to tell close friends major news. I'd only use it for those who I'm not fussed one way or the other whether they know the news or not.

Also if the only way a friend on fb announced their news to 'me' was through a broadcast status I would not think that they were bothered one way or the other if I specifically responded.

She might not recieve all of your updates. FB is a funny thing.

I would text/email her to let her know about your granddad. Don't rely on FB for all your communication.

Sorry about your Grandad.

I missed a friend having an operation and needing a wheelchair. I felt really bad, but I geniunely missed all of her updates.

Everything written or shared on fb is solely done do so for the purpose of seeking a reaction. That's why i never share anything personal that way, i don't seek attention or want all and sundry to know my business.

You can't know for certain your friend saw it. Facebook newsfeeds don't show every update from every friend.

I didn't receive any cards or messages when my grandparents died. My parents did, but me and my sister didn't. I don't really think it's something that is usually done, except maybe to very close friends.

Maybe, I'll never know I would never mention it, I wouldn't expect a card btw.

If you want her to know, tell her.

You can't make people react in the way you would expect them to. I didn't even get a condolence from my SIL when my mum died - just have to shrug and get on with life - there are more important things to bother about.

thats rough therockenholt, but yeah I suppose.

Maybe she's like me. Thinks grief is a very personal thing and wouldn't post on a status like that because it would feel like an intrusion.

I have plenty of FB friends who put up pictures of deceased loved ones in a commemorative way, which is fair enough but they aren't seeking condolences. But I don't think it is my place to comment, as I don't know the person who has died.