To get really quite cross about gender separation starting from newborn?

[ComtessedeFrouFrou]

In M & S today and thought I'd look at their newborn basics for DC1, due in early October. We're not planning to buy masses for DC1 as my sister warned me that we're likely to get given lots, but obviously I don't want to be out shopping straight from the labour ward.

Clothes for 0-2 years, already separated into boys and girls. There are a few bits in white and almost nothing else that could properly be described as being gender neutral. We don't know the sex of the baby but even once he or she is here I am determined that whatever sex the baby turns out to be, they will not spend their lives dressed exclusively in blue or pink (delete as appropriate).

Why is it so hard to find stuff that is neutral? I tend to buy more neutral things for friends with children, even if they are obviously for a boy/girl. For my DC1, I have basically had to tend towards the more boyish end of the spectrum in order to avoid being drowned in sugary pink. I wear blue about 4 days out of 7, so why do little girls have to spend their lives in pink?

Ironically, given everything I have heard about how shit they are in all other respects, Mothercare seems to be one of the few places you can get genuinely gender neutral clothes for very small babies.

[LastTangoInDevonshire]

Why do people announce the gender of babies once they are born? Why not keep us in suspense for 12 years or so?

It happens. Get over it.

[CheeseFondueRocks]

I bought loads of blue stuff for DD. I don't think it's a boys' colour. I like blue, it suits her and pink is really easy to get wrong and looks quite tacky.

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

MrsPP it is always worth exploring why one might want to. For eg a boy dressed in pink = what to you? (Simplistic)

And it can seep into expectations of gender, viz passive girl/naughty boy.

Again, simplistic, too hot sorry

[MrsPercyPig]

I would view a little boy dressed all in pink much the same as a I would view a grown man dressed all in pink, a little strange but if that's what they wanted...

I don't really think dressing a baby as gender neutral will change people's assumptions about girls and boys and subsequent differences.

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

Absolutely agree with you. I'd second Sainsburys and Baby Gap for more gender neutral stuff, or just ignore the way that things are labelled and go for the colours you like and want.

We have toddler DD and I'm currently expecting a DS. I've trawled through all of DD's old stuff and whilst there's quite a lot that could be described as gender neutral, I have a huge box of pink fluff, mainly bought as gifts, that would somehow seem inappropriate for a boy. I'll also always remember the day I put DD, aged 7 months, in a navy blue, pink and white flowery top and about 5 people referred to her as being a boy. What? Because a third of her top was navy blue?!

[kickassangel]

Dd lived in plain white baby grows for several months. Got them in multi packs from Tesco.

At first day and night just kind of merge together, so we just had a big pile of baby grows and used them.

But I feel your pain. I remember standing in Next with the assistant asking if she could help me, I pointed to the bump and asked if she could tell me what color I needed, as they didn't do neutral. She seemed confused about why I didn't know.

[Jan49]

Just buy clothing in a variety of colours including pink and blue. Why do we have to have this nonsense about 'gender neutral' colours? They are all just colours.

If you look at photos of babies in the 60s or before, they are often dressed in what we'd now see as little dresses, intended for easy access to nappies. I have photos of my dad and his brother as 1-3 year olds in the 1920s wearing cute little babies' dresses, even though I'm sure they were brought up to have very definite ideas about gender differences.

[apostropheuse]

You can get cream, yellow, green, white, red, purple, grey etc for a baby as well as pink and blue.

I never had an issue buying gender neutral stuff for my children. That's what I always bought pre-birth as back then we didn't know the sex of the baby. I've also been able to buy that kind of stuff pre-birth for my grandchildren when the parents didn't know the sex.

Personally I have no issue with pink or blue, but I like all kinds of colours on children so I tended to vary colours. Wear whatever colour you like on your child, it's entirely your choice.

I have to say that I do hate slogan t-shirts. Don't mind characters to be honest.

The reason I bought gender neutral was because I didn't know the sex, but as soon as I knew the sex I bought traditional girls or boys clothes - just as I buy myself women's clothes.

[OxfordBags]

It can take a little bit more effort to find places with ranges or items that aren't all 'pink fairy pwincess sequin explosion' and 'khaki monster bully boy trucks ahoy', but it can be done. My Ds is over 2, and he has never worn anything that is stereotypically boyish or overtly laddish, for want of a better term, but he doesn't look feminine either. You can have your child be identifiably male or female without resorting to lots of the tackier more stereotypical stuff. Or look gender-neutral, it's all good.

The best places are Boden (some stereotypical stuff, but they have a huge range otherwise) - sign up for emails and get heads up on flash sales and discount codes, etc. - Next, some John Lewis stuff, American Apparel (people don't realise they do baby and children's wear, but they have great jersey basics in lots of colours, and plenty of organic items also), lots of Swedish brands, and online, there's some great brands, like Boys & Girls (ironic name, as they're unisex), LoveItLoveItLoveIt and so on. Green Baby used to be fab, but they've folded, sigh. You can get groovy stuff from most places, supermarkets included, if you're prepared/able to spend time looking and use a bit of imagination.

It's not about trying to deny them a gender-identity, it's about not trying to limit that identity to a narrow, illogical, limiting and damaging set of crude stereotypes.

[Pigsmummy]

I bought all my baby clothes from Mothercare, Tesco and Asda, all neutral colours. I didn't get anything in other colours until 3-6 months.

John Lewis do a very good range of very affordable bodysuits and sleep suits in white, wash well and as cheap as Asda.

[ComtessedeFrouFrou]

Do we have gender neutral clothes for adults?

No, but that's a little different, don't you think? My DH made exactly the same comment, but my clothes are shaped for the lumps and bumps that he doesn't have, so even if he could get my clothes on, they wouldn't fit in the sense that they wouldn't be adapted to his body shape.


But, as an adult, I don't dress in pink with pictures of fairies, anymore than my DH only wears T shirts with tractors or dinosaurs on them.

Also, I'm not suggesting for a moment that I'm going to try and keep the baby's sex a secret like some kind of weird gender experiment, but I simply want to know why we have to put labels on children from the moment they emerge from the womb?

I've done the baby's room in beige, with blue curtains in a lovely seaside print. The pram we've bought (because we liked the colour and because it was a good deal) also happens to be blue. MIL instantly put two and two together and made 72 and is now cross because she thinks there's something we're not telling her...

[OxfordBags]

PS Could I just ask the poster saying that they only wear 'women's clothes' if they never wear trousers, jeans, shorts, sports shoes or blue, green, brown, etc.? Because these are typically given as male items and colours. Or the poster saying there are no gender neutral adults clothes - have you heard of jeans, t-shirts, jackets, scarves, trainers, etc.?

Of course you don't limit yourselves that way - and yet you believe it's not limiting to out children in very gender rigid clothing?

So illogical.

I despair at a grown adult who would find it a bit strange for a male of any age to wear pink. How do these people actually cope?!

[OxfordBags]

Ah, OP, you said what I was thinking far more politely eloquently :)

[Madmum24]

Gender neutral clothing is everywhere FGS, but my bear bug is that it is all white/gray! I hate those colours. I would like to see more neutral stuff that isn't pastel coloured.

I do think there is a lot of over thinking the genderization of newborn clothing though, I like most pinks for girls and most blues for boys, I don't feel I am transposing any gender specific issues onto them. When they are old enough to decide what they want to wear they can choose whatever colour they want except white

[Norfolknway]

There are loads of lemon/ white/ grey/ any other colour clothes for newborns.

We didn't find out what the sex was and had loads of gear! then we were inundated with pink frills when DD arrived

YABU

[Madmum24]

but I simply want to know why we have to put labels on children from the moment they emerge from the womb?

It's quite simple really, you don't have to put anything on your baby that you aren't comfortable with.

[Cravingdairy]

We buy lots of 'boys' clothes for our girl. Today her T-shirt has a dinosaur on it and her trousers have a sailing boat on them. She looks great.

[CruCru]

John Lewis used to have some nice stuff, not sure if it still does.

[Shrugged]

What OxfordBags said. It's not about denying a gender identity to your baby, it's a matter of not wanting to buy in, quite literally, to some kind of dim gender essentialism, as thought up by some buyers after market research done on the kind of people who stick bows on their bald female newborns or put their month-old boys in camouflage jeans and tiny trainers in case someone - the horror! - mistakes their sex.

My son spent a lot of his first few months in pink/ floral handmedowns, and it was striking how differently strangers in the park spoke about him, depending on what he was wearing. If he was in pink, they tended to call him dainty, pretty, emphasise his smallness and 'goodness'; if he was in something obviously 'boyish', they would remark on his size, strength, determination, bolshiness, active-ness.

I found the H and M essentials range good - organic cotton onesies in bright reds, purples, yellows, greens.

[Cravingdairy]

MadMum Treating girls and boys differently from the moment they are born is bound to have some kind of impact on them.

[ComtessedeFrouFrou]

Craving I agree completely that girls look great in "boyish" clothes. But I suspect you would get more comments if it were the other way round. I've seen several threads on here by exasperated mothers (it's usually mothers) who have basically been told by some idiot that their son is going to "catch the gay" if he wants to dress in a fairy costume from time to time.

To other posters who say put them in whatever colour you like, that's fine, but gender neutral is, to my mind about more than just pink for girls and blue for boys. It's the whole daddy's little princess, mummy's little soldier nonsense that really gets my goat.

[Catsize]

I remember thinking similar things to OP, but figured that perhaps most people find out if they are having a boy or a girl now, so assumed I was in the minority. I have always been amazed at the huuuuuuge range for girls in M&S and Monsoon (and probably others) versus the much smaller range for boys. All a bit odd. Personally, big fan of Frugi and Polarn o Pyret for more gender bending stuff.

[ANormalOne]

I didn't find it difficult to buy none-pink stuff for my DD, you just have to shop around. I usually go to Mothercare, Next, H & M, Matalan and M & S.

[HazleNutt]

YANBU, I find it massively annoying as well. And I love colours, I don't want to buy everything white. even if there are any other colours available, those either come covered in sequins, fairies and lace or tractors. Why?

[Onetwo34]

It's easy to put girls into boys' clothes, with dinosaurs and space.
It's hard to put boys into girls' clothes, with flowers and fairies.