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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH takes 20 mins every day to poo !

83 replies

pooquickly · 12/07/2013 11:48

This 20 min poo thing happens every single day. DH disappears every morning into the loo with his reading material and says that's how long it takes. He says most of it is done within 2 mins but i was told to get everything out, it takes 20 mins ! It takes me 1 min. If i need to do more later, then i go and sit on the loo again! That's what i did this morning, and on my second sitting and i got a "what again?" from him (cos he wanted me to bring DD's book bag downstairs, rather than him walking his poor tired legs up the stairs).

I guess it annoys me, cos i spend all morning running around after the kids, trying to get them fed and ready, whilst he eats his brekkie, goes for 20 min dump and has time for shower. I have my shower night before (cos no time in morning unless i get up earlier), i eat breakfast somewhere between 9am - 10.30am and lucky if i get 2 mins in the loo!

I know he won't change his poo habit, but it annoys me.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
CrisisCritical · 12/07/2013 12:35

Littlepeas You're absolutely right!!

Once my DP has finished pooing he likes to come downstairs and recount details of its size, shape, colour, amora etc. I know you can tell a lot by poo but I don't want to be thinking about the Bristol Scale when I'm dishing up faggots and mash thanks. Or if I also happen to be upstairs when he's done, I'm usually invited for a look Hmm

Reading material whilst pooing makes me feel really ill. DP doesn't take reading material. But does sometimes take his laptop. He puts the laptop on the bathroom floor and leans right over (knees on chest jobbie) to read/watch/play etc. How can that possibly be nice or relaxing or conducive to pooing in any fucking way?!

Groovee · 12/07/2013 12:37

My dh is like this. If he's not poo'ed twice before he leaves for work he freaks!

KirjavaTheCat · 12/07/2013 12:39

My OH is a lightning pooer! He told me the other day that he has to train himself to have a slower poo, because his bum gets sore sometimes. I love our open and honest communication...

FudgeyCookie · 12/07/2013 12:39

Oh god, I do this. And I'm a female Grin

But I get distracted by MN, I don't even realise I've got my phone in my hand half the time! Dp goes once a day about the same time! He thinks I'm weird for going more than once, but if I need to go, then I need to go!

CrisisCritical · 12/07/2013 12:40

Can I also ask another DP/DH related poo question.. this may be TMI if you're eating lunch!

My poos almost always sink but DP's almost always float. We eat pretty much the same diet although I do more exercise. Are floaters a man thing as well? I really want to know but I'm too Blush to ask anyone in RL, obviously!

Jojobump1986 · 12/07/2013 12:40

My DH takes a good 10 minutes with no reading material! I've not noticed any particular time of day that he 'has' to go but I shall keep tabs on him now! Wink From the noises I hear within the first few minutes I have come to 2 conclusions: his bowel movements are abnormally loose (but he won't listen to me) & it does not take him 10 minutes, he just waits around incase there's more! Hmm

I'm really tempted to get militant about it. I shall tell him he has 5 minutes max & then set a timer on him! Grin

CrisisCritical · 12/07/2013 12:41

... or maybe I should ask someone in RL. You know just at a bus stop of something.

Original poster
pooquickly · 12/07/2013 12:42

CrisisCritical we're the same. Infact sometimes mine dont budge when flushing. So i thought about this as it was happening regularly. I drink less than DH so my poos are less hydrated and therefore more dense. Therefore, would suggest if you excercise that maybe you have less fluids in your body hence poo less hydrated and sinks ?

OP posts:
NomDeClavier · 12/07/2013 12:43

I never used to notice this about DH but since we had DS I d notice that he takes aaaaaages. Maybe he has sympathetic pregnancy/post-birth constipation and it never went away?

DoJo · 12/07/2013 12:46

Why not read whilst pooing? Otherwise what you you doing - staring at the back of the door thinking of nothing? I would be so bored...!

sweetsummerlove · 12/07/2013 12:50

omg I could have written this. HOW does it need to take so long. And he always takes his top off. Baffles me.

CrisisCritical · 12/07/2013 12:51

pooquickly Ah, interesting! DP does drink lot and lots because his work in a lab is really hot. I don't drink as much water as him at all.

Wow, thanks that's really cleared that up for me. Grin

DoJo But if I'm only pooing for two mins, I don't have time to get bored

LadyBeagleEyes · 12/07/2013 12:52

Well since it takes me about a minute DoJo, I don't have time to get bored.

Trills · 12/07/2013 12:52

Your question makes no sense. "Am I being unreasonable that DH takes 20 minutes every day to poo?". How could you be unreasonable that he takes a long time to poo?

This is not about poo. It is about doing your fair share.

If he does his fair share at other times of the day, then leave it.

If he doesn't do his fair share overall, then he should do this either by doing more at other times of day, or by getting up earlier in order to accommodate both a long poo and the things that need to be done in the morning.

Original poster
pooquickly · 12/07/2013 13:05

He doesn't do his far share. He admits that I do more. But he says he's knackered and we carry on like that. He does ALOT more than he used to do.

OP posts:
Flobbadobs · 12/07/2013 13:05

Only 20 minutes? Lucky you Envy.
However DH does at least do it at a quiet time of day. Every day. At the same time. The weird bit is though that he does it after work and holds it in till he gets home because he can only poo in our toilet, not the one at work!
Your DH needs to rearrange his schedule. Or get the DC's to knock on the bathroom door every 3 minutes asking if he's finished yet and shouting that they're desparate for a wee!

Original poster
pooquickly · 12/07/2013 13:05

I meant fair share

OP posts:
CrisisCritical · 12/07/2013 13:09

Flobbadobs My DP does this as well. He just refuses to poo at work or anywhere that's not our toilet.

He did poo at work a couple of months ago because we went on holiday and he had a dicky tummy when he got back. He was traumatised about it though Hmm

Original poster
pooquickly · 12/07/2013 13:12

Oh i used to be like that about wanting to poo only on own loo but got over it now.

OP posts:
BadLad · 12/07/2013 13:12

He might have some bowel or some dietary problems.

This happened to me a few years ago. It used to take me an age to go, and was agony wiping, which is where most of the time was being taken. I went to a doctor, whose business card had the unnerving job title of "anal examination specialist on it", and found, to my relief, that there was no cancer, but that my turds were rock hard at the back.

A course of medicine sorted the problem out.

Is there any blood when he wipes?

Trills · 12/07/2013 13:16

You both should get the same amount of time to yourselves. If he wishes to spend his on the loo, that's up to him.

If he is getting more time to himself, that needs to change, and he can choose to take it out of his pooing time or out of his other spare-time activities.

livinginwonderland · 12/07/2013 13:17

I do this! I go sit on the toilet and the cats jump on me and I get distracted and sit there cuddling them, even after I'm done/flushed etc.

Rhiana1979 · 12/07/2013 13:19

I take my time and my DH always comments on me being in the bathroom for a long time. It drives me insane.

You've been 20 mins.... So? Who gives a shit (pardon the pun) I'm an adult and I'll take as long as I need to.

Comes to something when you can't even have a poo without being timed.

CrisisCritical · 12/07/2013 13:20

BadLad Sorry for your bowel problems but going to see a person whose business card has 'anal examination specialist' on is hilarious. Sounds like a porn star!

Obviously I wouldn't be so flippant if it was something more serious but since it wasn't... Grin

TalkativeJim · 12/07/2013 13:22

Nothing to do with pooing, everything to do with ducking out of the morning routine into the one room that has a lockable door.

Lazy and crap (literally).

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