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Original poster

To need you to tell me that this will be great

33 replies

Verycold · 11/07/2013 21:45

Going back to work in September after 12 years as a Sahm (teaching). Was thrilled initially to get the job but now terrified. Thinking about all the practical difficulties, especially round childcare. Worried that the children will really suffer from seeing far less of me. Please could you all give me lots of reasons why it will be great and why it was exactly the right decision. Was out strawberry picking with the kids this afternoon and thought "what am I doing?" Shock

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 11/07/2013 21:47

It really will be great! Smile

It will be great for all the reasons that made you start looking for a job in the first place.

poorbuthappy · 11/07/2013 21:48

I recently went back to work after 5 years SAHM. I only work 3 days a week currently and my kids (3 of them) quite frankly don't give a shit.

It will be great :-)

ImperialBlether · 11/07/2013 21:49

I let my children see a financial advantage when I went back to teaching full time (from 3 days pw) and they liked that. I then linked it to them doing jobs, which I liked Grin.

aldiwhore · 11/07/2013 21:51

I cannot tell you that it will be great.

BUT you will be a lot more great than you think you will be.

Your children will not suffer, because they will understand and you will explain it to them, plus you will also be so much more fun for a shorter amount of time each day, and they are growing up, so... they will cope.

You can still do all the things you did before, and perhaps more. You will still HAVE to do all the things you did before, perhaps less due to simply being out of the house.

Try it. You will be great. You may need to tweak things as you go, but it will be fine.

I was 8 years a SAHM, loved it actually... I then worked full time, the money wasn't enough to enhance anything, I now work part time, I literally earn about £200 per month after childcare, petrol etc., but I LOVE IT.

Nothing is forever, you can assess problems as they arise, and mostly you can overcome them. Good luck!

aldiwhore · 11/07/2013 21:53

And to echo poorbuthappy my children don't give a shit either. In fact, if I arrive to after school club TOO EARLY I get a major guilt trip.

Original poster
Verycold · 11/07/2013 21:57

Thanks, keep them coming, it helps!

OP posts:
Original poster
Verycold · 11/07/2013 22:12

Shameless bump Blush

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Original poster
Verycold · 11/07/2013 22:45

I feel like at the moment I would be happy to back out if I could, but I can't Hmm

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Original poster
Verycold · 12/07/2013 21:31

Can I just keep whinging to myself? Dh is being an arse. Today 3 people I told in RL Looked aghast when I told
Them I was going back to work. Pfffffffff

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sausageandorangepickle · 12/07/2013 21:37

how old are your kids? I assume they are at school? then they are old enough to understand that job = happy mummy and more money to do good stuff, and i guess old enough for you to spend quality time with them after school (you can go strawberry picking at 5,6,7 pm) rather than having to get them into bed as soon as you get back.

Congratulations on your new job, you must have really impressed to get it after 12 years out of the profession.

Shootingstar79 · 12/07/2013 21:38

what year group will you be teaching? And how old are your children?

Don't feel guilty :). people told me it would be harder on me than them when I returned and it's so true. I do miss out on things/times with them obviously but I really don't feel they have missed out at all. They have even stronger relationships with grandparents now and really it is all fine :)

Original poster
Verycold · 12/07/2013 21:40

I will be teaching secondary. The children are 12, 10 and 7.

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ImperialBlether · 12/07/2013 23:03

You really need to make this work for you. Firstly, could you afford a cleaner? This will save you a hell of a lot of problems as people in the family are used to you doing everything. Then, make a deal that one night mid week is takeaway night. Do you make packed lunches? Buy for the month, whatever you can. Make sure you always have tons of tin foil, plastic bags etc because you will run out and it'll be a bloody nightmare.

Link the 12 year old's pocket money to his/her homework. Make it a really good deal so that the others want it. No pocket money if you have to even persuade him/her.

On Friday night say everyone has to do one hour of tidying and then they can have a treat. This includes your husband. If your cleaner comes on a Friday obviously don't do this then but switch to the mid-week takeaway night. Put in the order for 45 minutes' time then everyone runs around cleaning and tidying - strict demarcation of jobs, too.

When you're at work, hopefully you'll have access to a fridge? On a Monday take it your drinks and fruit for the week and boxes of crackers, cheese etc in case you forget your packed lunch. Be really, really organised with this otherwise it means queuing at work and that takes too much time.

Original poster
Verycold · 12/07/2013 23:05

Brilliant tips Imperial thank you, exactly what I need thank you!!

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Original poster
Verycold · 12/07/2013 23:06

Definitely getting a cleaner.

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ImperialBlether · 12/07/2013 23:17

Thanks!

Think of the things you will always need. Start to make a list - you have a couple of months to prepare.

Start the cleaning up thing with the kids well before the first day of term.

Oh and do you do anything regularly like listen to The Archers or watch a soap? If so, that's the kitchen time (if you have a radio/tv in there.) So like Pavlov's dog, as soon as it's time for the program you go into the kitchen and prepare the dinner for the next night. Do you have a slow cooker? It would make a fanatastic difference to your life. Get it ready at night and switch it on first thing in the morning. Find some really, really simple things that you can shove in there.

When the children come in from school they have to empty their lunch boxes and the two older ones have to wash them out. One washes, one dries. The youngest one puts things into the boxes - eg fruit or biscuits. That will take them two minutes and if they don't do it, the biscuits don't go in. Or are they going to have school dinners?

Spermysextowel · 12/07/2013 23:33

I'd say being organised is more important than a cleaner. I used to go into a frenzy the night before the cleaner was due; then I realised that cleaning somewhere that's tidy is sooo much easier so now we have a carrot/stick system related to pocket money.

Mine are lots older now than when we started this 3 years ago but 1 night a week one of them will cook & the next week it's the other's turn. It usually needs a degree of help but as I'm normally home by 6.30 it means that the prep is done & I just have to supervise the crucial bit so we don't get food poisoning.

It will be different; all working parents spend their time dashing around thinking they're not doing either 'job' properly but you will find the way that suits you all best.

Good luck & be confident!

Original poster
Verycold · 12/07/2013 23:43

Yes I think a lot will be about reeducating the family, they are all so used to me being around to do and organise everything...

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AgentZigzag · 12/07/2013 23:47

Thankfully I'm working from home at the minute, but I hadn't had any paid work for 14 years.

I have had times where I thought I'd have to go out to work, and thought the same things as you.

There wasn't an aspect of it that didn't alarm me, what would happen to the house, the children, would I be able to keep up the energy levels, is the money worth the upset etc etc.

Even though DH doesn't mind doing stuff round the house, after so long with me doing it he's struggling a bit to see it as his responsibility. It's not done maliciously or because he's lazy, it's just such a huge role shift for both of us.

So I would say, as Imperial suggests, instead of saying 'you're going to have to help out more', to actually set it in stone, and start before September so you can iron the creases out.

Be prepared for it to be a shock to the system and keep your eye on a couple of months down the line when it's settled down.

You will be OK Smile

AgentZigzag · 12/07/2013 23:49

I meant to ask why you think people have looked aghast at you when you've told them.

It's a lot for three people to think they've got the right to an opinion on whether you work or not, why weren't they happy for you?

Original poster
Verycold · 12/07/2013 23:51

I have no idea, I was quite shocked that They didn't at least pretend to be pleased for me!

So you decided not to work outside the home ZigZag?

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AgentZigzag · 12/07/2013 23:59

That's awful that they couldn't even keep it in if they did have any reservations.

If you think it's because they don't reckon you can do it (I'm hoping it's because they thought you'd prefer to stay at home), I'd use that as a good backup for if you feel a bit wobbly about it, do it to prove to yourself (and them by default) that you can.

Your role changing might unsettle them a bit, that they're used to thinking about you in a certain way/in a certain pigeon hole in their heads, people don't like change Grin

I'm not good outside the house anyway Verycold Grin but I would have given it a go if I had to. I'm not bringing in too bad a wage from the computer, so even if it's not as much as working in 'RL' I can't put a price on me not having to go out.

Original poster
Verycold · 13/07/2013 00:02

I considered retraining to do a job I could do from home but then shied away from the costs, also want the company.

Even though I wish I had now!

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AgentZigzag · 13/07/2013 00:06

This is my second from home and I haven't had any outlay yet.

But working from home is the big girls blouse option Grin

You're made of sterner stuff than that!

You're going to be able to hear yourself think for more than 7 minutes find yourself again, that's pretty exciting shit.

RabbitsarenotHares · 13/07/2013 00:09

My mum stopped work and never returned full-time. She did pt work for a few years but not for long. My father died when I was young and she didn't need to work.

Although she did it so she could be at home for me I really wish she hadn't. It means she's been as good as retired for nearly 30 years. It stopped being a novelty a long time ago and she's had far too many years of empty days. Since I left for uni 15 years ago it's been worse, as she's been on her own much more, and as she'd very much got into the habit of not working she found excuses for not taking any thing I found her, at the same time acknowledging it would do her good.

Personally I feel if she'd not been home all my school life she would have been forced to let me have more responsibility. I wanted it, but because she had nothing else to do I didn't get it. I would be a better person today if she'd let me.

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