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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to report my colleague for this? *contains upsetting content re child abuse*

79 replies

RalphGnu · 11/07/2013 11:39

Had to pop into work yesterday to pick something up from my boss and popped my head into the staff area to say hello to some colleagues. One of the lads that I work with (22 years old) was laughing at a video he was watching on his phone and showing it to his friend, asked me if I wanted to see.

It was a home video, not made by him, of a man hitting a small asian boy across the face. He looked to be about 5. My lovely colleague found this hilarious and when I got upset, made a horrid racist remark excusing the behaviour and implying I was uptight about it.

I had to leave straight away but after an hour I called my manager and told him what I'd seen. He was horrified and told me to leave it with him. I've had a text from a colleague this morning to say the lad in question has been suspended pending an investigation and there are some other colleagues apparently annoyed with me for going to my manager about this as it wasn't work related and the lad himself hadn't made the video, and the poor lad could now lose his job.

I can't see how anyone could defend him for this, I really don't. We've all recently had to sign an update to our contracts with regards to social media and internet use which explicitly forbids staff from sharing this kind of thing. No decent human being wants to see that kind of shit.

Suppose the lad keeps his job. WIBU to refuse to work with a nasty, vile, racist child abuse excuser?

OP posts:
MustafaCake · 11/07/2013 12:23

Well done for reporting, I would have done the same thing.

Just remember that the man has put himself in this position by watching and showing the video. He is responsible for his actions not you.

MissStrawberry · 11/07/2013 12:24

YWNBU. You were very brave as while it should be easy to report such disgusting behaviour in reality it isn't always so.

If any other colleagues try and bully you I would report them too!

BrianTheMole · 11/07/2013 12:25

Well done op. He's a twat. I wouldn't want to work with him.

Onesleeptillwembley · 11/07/2013 12:27

You were right to flag this. However, if he does keep his job you will be on shaky ground yourself if you refuse to work with him.

RalphGnu · 11/07/2013 12:30

His girlfriend has posted on Facebook (I know, I know, I shouldn't look, but) 'Yay! Get to go to the beach with my man today! Makes me kind of glad some people can't see the funny side of things! Can't bring us down! It's called LIFE! LIVE IT!'

WTAF? Anyway, have blocked them both on FB now. Sadly, was supposed to be taking DS to the beach this afternoon but I'll give that a miss now.

I have been asked to go in and make a statement at work tomorrow. My manager has made it clear he fully supports me and he's asked the other people who were in the room at the time to make statements too.

OP posts:
mignonette · 11/07/2013 12:32

Keep your statement free of any emotional and subjective content. State what happened in a 'and then i saw' and 'then he did'.

What an asinine thing to post on FB. Glad I'm not on it as I'd have the green rage all day.

magimedi · 11/07/2013 12:36

YANBU & very brave & right to do what you did.

Well done!

PatsyAndEddy · 11/07/2013 12:37

Child abuse is never funny. Lots of people round about them will be thinking that as well, just not brave enough to say it and doing that awkward laugh along thing that just validates this idiots behaviour further.

Go to the beach, head up high, you're totally in the right here.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 11/07/2013 12:38

I'm horrified that anyone would think this acceptable behaviour in a work place. Well done OP , you did the right thing.

JumpingJackSprat · 11/07/2013 12:41

Id have done the same hope his idiotic girlfriends child is never the subject of such a video.

Thisvehicleisreversing · 11/07/2013 12:46

I know the video in question because a guy I know tried to make me watch it by shoving his phone in my face Angry

I told him to fuck off and he thought I was being ridiculous.
What the fuck goes on in some people's heads?!

YANBU

Curleyhazel · 11/07/2013 12:47

Ynbu! Well done on having the courage to report him, if more people stood up to idiots like that the world would be a nicer place. I hope you don't get too much hassle from your other colleagues for it. It astonishes me time and time again how some people seem to readily leap forward to 'side with' somebody like this idiot colleague of yours but keep nicely out of it when a colleague or mate is being bullied under their eyes. Your colleague was unreasonable to view that sort of content at his workplace, hopefully this will teach him a lesson.

pigletmania · 11/07/2013 12:48

Yanbu you did the right thing

IRCL · 11/07/2013 12:50

YANBU.

You did the right thing. I find it scary that two people who can seen the "funny side" to child abuse are going to become parents.

TarkaTheOtter · 11/07/2013 12:51

Your colleagues can be annoyed with you all they want but if it affects their work relationship with you I would be complaining to your manager/hr about them too. You do not have to put up with this shit at work.

Dahlen · 11/07/2013 12:53

YANBU and should be proud of what you have done.

I like humour, including so-called black or inappropriate humour. What I don't like is racist, sexist or otherwise offensive humour.

LadyBeagleEyes · 11/07/2013 12:54

Good for you for reporting Op and to your company for taking it seriously.

Dahlen · 11/07/2013 12:55

FWIW, the fact that some of your colleagues feel annoyed with you is probably in part the same reason why your suspended colleague felt comfortable showing his video - he knew they would share his lack of offence. That makes them racist and your working environment one in which racism could flourish unless someone demonstrates that it was unacceptable. That person was you (and now your manager), so well done you.

SarahAndFuck · 11/07/2013 13:05

Good for you OP.

Sharing an image of child abuse and then excusing yourself by making a racist remark about it is disgusting.

No doubt the girlfriends Facebook page will be full of people commenting and posting that Stephen Fry nonsense about not being offended, as that seems to be the default post for every ignorant numpty when they want to behave like an arse but can't deal with being called out on it.

But you did the right thing. It's not called life to share abusive videos, it's not living life to tolerate racism.

You did exactly the right thing. It's a shame you blocked their Facebook pages though, I might have been tempted to screenshot their posts and take them in to work to further back up your request to not have to work with him again as neither of them seem to feel he as done anything wrong. Which would be a warning sign to me that he's going to carry on regardless when he gets back to work, while bearing a grudge towards you as well.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 11/07/2013 13:05

YADNBU...and you rock, more people should be like you

LunaticFringe · 11/07/2013 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RalphGnu · 11/07/2013 13:11

Thanks for your kind words, everyone. I'll be holding my head up high tomorrow and when I'm back at work on Monday. I agree, any of my colleagues that defend it are just as bad.

That poor little boy. Where is he now? Is he safe? Is he loved? I feel utterly useless because I can't help him. I typed in 'how to report a video of child abuse' on Google and someone else has already asked the same question about the same video. What's really sad is one response saying...

"From what I saw of the video, it was "FAKE AND GAY!"
the man's hand went with the child, causing no pain, if any at all"

Bollocks to that. You can hear the noise the man's hand makes.

OP posts:
everlong · 11/07/2013 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piprabbit · 11/07/2013 13:27

Well done for reporting.
Your colleague chose to bring the images into the workplace and share them. Nobody forced him to. He knew he was breaking work place rules. There are consequences to actions and he was a fool to ignore them.

suburbophobe · 11/07/2013 13:45

Horrendous! So good for you for reporting it.

Yes, as someone upthread said, pity the poor child with parents like that.....