Re outfit for wedding..

[Pagwatch]

I am not sure.

I have been asked by a relative to help my mother chose an outfit for their wedding.
My mother is coming to visit and I am happy to help.
But it is becoming apparent that I am expected to pay for it all - again I am happy to help - except I am getting drip fed info about what is expected. The wedding is in a 5 star hotel and there are big hints about the outfit being 'appropriate' which have probably irritated me a bit because I know how to dress for a wedding thanks, but now I have started receiving advice on a 'colour scheme' as apparently my mum has to coordinate.

My mum is in her 70s. She had surgery this year and cannot wear constricting clothes and is very self conscious about her weight. Frankly I think it will be pretty hard work to get her something she feels happy about without being told that 'soft silver or a similar muted tone' is what she needs.

So aibu to just take her out and let her chose whatever she feels good in.
Or should I try and persuade her into something the bride will approve of.
Or should I speak to the bride and tell her that I am just going to let mum get whatever she wants and she will just have to accept that she should put up with that.

As it goes, having written that I think I am just going to let mum chose what she wants, pay for it all and tell my relative that if she doesn't like it she can buy mum something else herself.
Aibu?

To reduce stress could you buy a few options for your mum to try on at home that fit with the scheme and she can pick from them and you can return the rest? I'm happy to give you some suggestions and links if you tell me colour/size/budget/any areas that she is especially self-concious of.

Sounds like your relative thinks your mum won't wear what she wants her too so she is commandeering you to 'dress her suitably' - this is your chance to dress her in the biggest adult bridesmaid type dress you can possibly find

arrghhh - 'her to'

Get your mum an elegant, comfortable outfit that she enjoys wearing in a colour that looks good on her. If it is something she will never wear again, don't spend too much, eg Outlet shops, nearly new, eBay.

It would never have occurred to me to tel people what to wear at my wedding. Then again, I told my bridesmaids to choose their own shoes and hairdos.

Sounds insane.

Just let her get whatever she likes. Why are you paying though?

Btw, I also felt that my guests' attendance was enough.if they wanted to wear wellies and a swimsuit I was Ok with that. Sadly, no one did!

Buy your mum a big white dress .

How rude to demand people dress a certain way at your wedding, and to order someone else to pay for it.

I also hope you buy tea towels or ironing board covers as a gift.

I would never expect a lady in her 70s to have to follow a strict dress code, think the bride is being unreasonable not you.

YANBU. As long as your mum is comfortable and looks smartly dressed that is the most important thing. To be honest you will probably find most suitable clothes will be in a muted tone, even if not silver (and as wise Mrs Brown says "Silver, at a wedding? What are you going as Robocop?!" )
I can't do with people demanding people beyond the immediate wedding party wear a certain colour. I have been known to go against a bridezilla who said everyone (all 80 guests) had to wear brown my least favourite colour.

I would ring the bride and say 'look, I will find her something but it has to be something she is comfortable in so if it doesn't match your colour scheme then tough.'

I think it is absolutely the height of rudeness to try and dictate what colours your guests wear. But I guess you are trying to put that irritation to one side

I'm guessing that you have a bridezilla on your hands?

The paying thing I get. It can be beyond the budget of someone on a pension to buy an expensive outfit for a wedding, and if you can afford it then it just makes life easier for the sake of a couple of hundred quid. We have done similar in our family.

Sounds like a bridezilla is at play here and has palmed you off with the task so as not to have to trapse around & spend cash herself when your mum quite obviously won't feel comfortable is such an ensemble!

I would either buy something wedding like she would be comfortable in ignoring the scheme, if bride wants a theme she pays!
Or tell the bride to buy the outfit herself

Guests don't coordinate with the colour scheme?! I would say that you should get your mum something she likes and feels comfortable with. Trying to buy certain colours would be hard and stressful. I wouldn't bother saying anything to the bride as she is being unreasonable and you are already doing her and your mum a favour. They aren't going to say anything to her/you at the wedding. And if they do just say you couldn't find anything suitable in their colours.

I would take her out and let her choose whatever she wants!

Cheeky beggars.

If, on the day, the bride has time or inclination to even notice your mum's outfit, I would be surprised. I was far too busy/emotional/happy/excited to worry about what my elderly auntie wore. The day is about joining your life to someone else's in a public expression of love, celebrating that with family and friends. It is not a display of conspicuous consumption or a chance to impose your will on others.

i agree with sofaking but would rather you bought them a sandwich toaster

how insulting not to let your mum choose what she wants to wear, with the assumption that she doesn't know how to dress for a wedding.

and she is a guest. She should be welcome if she turns up dressed as Batman.

Thank you all. You have helped me clear up my own thoughts. I ddn't want to think I was subconciously being difficult because the wedding couple are being immensely, stratospherically annoying.

Yes, I am having my first bridezilla encounter

It's very odd that being around it does make you start to question your own judgement.
I will just take mum out and let her chose something she likes. I actually just nipped into town to do some reconnaissance and have found a couple of shops that have stuff she might like. Or the party shop for the Batman outfit

I'd let her choose something she likes and is comfortable in - that would be my priority. However, I would have to caveat and say that it might be good to know the general colour scheme for bridesmaids as she (your mum) probably won't want a massive colour clash going on unless she has a serious thick skin and sense of humour. If silver has been suggested, then a lilac colour might tone well. If colour scheme is silver then a bright gold might look out of place.

What is wrong with clean and presentable these days?

Let her wear something she feels comfy in. they can airbrush out the non-conformists out of photos

Do guests really have to tone with the bridesmaids? This doesn't happen in my world.

Why would a massive colour clash matter unless mother is walking down the aisle with the bridesmaids and sitting with them and would mother care/notice?

Did you colour co-ordinate your guests JustforLaughs? Did you send them swatches of material prior to the wedding. Oh please say you did !

I obviously need some fashionista lessons.

Ebay is fabulous for that sort of outfit. I got my mum a full Jacques Vert outfit of dress, jacket, hat and bag for £50. She looked fabulous (this is very much not normal for her), then I sold it on for the same amount. It was a lovely heavy jersey which didn't constrict at all - I couldn't have spent the £400 odd to buy it new though!

yanbu and yes I would do just what you have said. I think you are very generous paying for it btw

Do brides get to tell their guests what colour to wear these days? Sheesh!

Your mum should wear something she is happy and comfortable in, thats the important thing, sod colour coordinating the outfit! If it means that much to the B&G they can take your mum shopping. And pay for it all. Cheeky buggers.

Never been to a wedding where guests have to coordinate with the bridal party. Wont the wedding pics look really tacky in years to come?