Re outfit for wedding..

[Pagwatch]

I am not sure.

I have been asked by a relative to help my mother chose an outfit for their wedding.
My mother is coming to visit and I am happy to help.
But it is becoming apparent that I am expected to pay for it all - again I am happy to help - except I am getting drip fed info about what is expected. The wedding is in a 5 star hotel and there are big hints about the outfit being 'appropriate' which have probably irritated me a bit because I know how to dress for a wedding thanks, but now I have started receiving advice on a 'colour scheme' as apparently my mum has to coordinate.

My mum is in her 70s. She had surgery this year and cannot wear constricting clothes and is very self conscious about her weight. Frankly I think it will be pretty hard work to get her something she feels happy about without being told that 'soft silver or a similar muted tone' is what she needs.

So aibu to just take her out and let her chose whatever she feels good in.
Or should I try and persuade her into something the bride will approve of.
Or should I speak to the bride and tell her that I am just going to let mum get whatever she wants and she will just have to accept that she should put up with that.

As it goes, having written that I think I am just going to let mum chose what she wants, pay for it all and tell my relative that if she doesn't like it she can buy mum something else herself.
Aibu?

This whole ' the wedding colour theme is x, please dress accordingly' is absolutely fucking hilarious...and an indication of how some people lose their self importance monitors up their own arses once they get a ring on their finger. Fuck the code, get her an outfit that she likes. If they want her to dress a certain way then they can take her out, find it and pay for it.

Fauxfox
Thanks. She is about an 18 I think although i haven't seen her for several months, about 5ft tall and has cropped grey hair. Think a more curvy Judi Dench.
Her surgery has left her stomach bloated and she is self conscious about that.
She is lovely, funny, vibrant - passes for much younger.
Unfortunately she thinks she is a 16 so I will have to hide her glasses.

I was thinking Phase 8, house of Fraser for maybe Coast, Maxmara? Perhaps Monsoon?

If she stays with me I can do two or three shortish trips

I could take her through some on line stuff to get a feel for things that might work?

at some of these replies.
I could get her a Vivienne Westwood corset dress and a fucking massive fascinator. That would be fab

We've got this at an upcoming wedding too.

Theme is red (all ladies to wear red), it's on NY eve, no children invited. I think we might be giving it a miss as I can't afford the childcare and look horrid in red!

Your mum should definitely choose what she likes and finds comfortable and the bridezilla can go and whistle - how rude of her.

I would look at HoF and also John Lewis to see where they do petite ranges.

My grandma is a similar shape and finds that she gets swamped by long sleeves and huge shoulders on standard clothes which are big enough to go round her tummy and hips.
If you are just buying t-shirts etc then it isn't an issue but for smarter things it can be.

ooh I look ok in red LedaofSpata - I will go to that one and you can go to any wedding I get invited to where you have to wear white and black. That just depresses me.

Debenhams have petite ranges

I'd tell bridezilla relative that she's more than welcome to take your mother shopping herself and buy an outfit that passes muster- otherwise you'll be taking your mother shopping and will help her choose something wearable and suitable for a wedding.

What are they going to do with non-coordinating guests? Send them away, or make them stand behind big plant pots for the ceremony?

I am not sure if I am going yet.
If I go I might dress for LedaOfSpartas wedding and wear bright red....

YANBU at all.

I have never heard of asking guests to dress in a particular colour before.

If I was I think I'd go for the most opposite/clashing colour I could find.

And slap bridezilla.

Do you think that your mum might be more comfortable in a tunic-style top (something like this maybe? ) with some smart trousers, as opposed to a dress?

It's a good idea inertia but I think trousers are a problem for her.

It is going to be a difficult few days. She will genuinely believe that there is a dress out there that will make her look like Marilyn Monroe - if we just look hard enough
We have previously tried on every coat in the South East.

My mother has shrunk in height due to osteoporosis and also has a bit of a tummy due to being hunched up and a bit of a curved back, also down to the osteoporosis. She is 87, but likes to dress smartly for weddings etc. We always manage to find something nice in Eastex. Although the range is obviously not to my taste and liking it is cut to accommodate the older ladies body and she always looks well dressed in it.

God I sympathise. I spent 7 hours solidly shopping with grandma for her outfit for my wedding. 7 hours. She was 83, God knows where she found the energy. She tried on everything, nothing was quite right.

'Oh I will think about it and come another day'

Me - 'no, there is no other day, there is today. You need to buy something'.

I felt like I'd run a marathon by the end. The memory of it still leaves me feeling weak.

This one if you can get it in an 18 somewhere?

Exactly Alibaba

I once sent DD into the changing room with mum as DD, at that age, enjoyed wobbling people's bums. It was the only way to get her to leave. I was standing by the changing rooms so long that customers started asking me to fetch other sizes etc.
I genuinely ended up getting stuff and helping customers. It distracted me from the hours passing by and she had tried everything on so I was well aquainted withthe stock.
I still have flashbacks whenever i go into Laura Ashley

That's great Inertia.
I will show her that, we are a short walk from Debenams.
Thanks

something with a longline jacket maybe to draw attention from the tummy?

I think Debenhams do have quite a good range of older-lady-wedding-guest type clothes, and they have a sale on at the mo.

Is 'a relative' your brother or sister and meaning your DM is the Mother of the Bride or Groom?

No , that's not it Orange. But she is a significant guest iyswim.

It's hopeless but I am trying not to be too obvious iyswim.

If she were mother of the bride I would kind of understand but she is not in the main wedding party/top table sort of guest.

Ah, pagwatch, good for you, helping tour mother feel comfortable! Just make sure somehow that bride- and groomzilla don't make her feel awkward for not conforming. That would be terribly sad...

LedaofSparta, they're going to have some fine clashing reds there! Bad enough for the wedding photos to have to be redone in black and white!

Bride sounds unkind. Yah boo sucks. Still, your mother will want to look smart and feel confident: Alexon, Country Casuals, Marisota, Marina Rinaldi could all be useful hunting grounds.

I found this reduced at John Lewis which would be lovely with a little jacket or cardigan over it.

Jesus Christ!!!

Who the effin hell thinks that they can dictate what a guest where's to the wedding, and then expect someone else to foot the bill?!?!?!?

If I were you would ignore whoever this 'bride' is, and accompany your Mum shopping, like you normally would, to be a friend to advise on what she looks good in.

Sheesh! Control freak much.

If she isn't that in the wedding party then the couple are being ridiculous unless she does actually normally turn up at weddings dressed as batman!!