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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be very worried about going on a joint family holiday?

39 replies

GiveMumABreak · 10/07/2013 17:07

Us and two other families, 6 adults, 6 kids (different ages and personalities), sunny location, shared villa. We have spent a huge amount of money on this holiday (the costs have just kept rolling in!) please tell me IABU to be worried, that we are all going to get on and its all going to be great fun! Tell me your shared holiday stories.....

OP posts:

babyhmummy01 · 10/07/2013 17:20

We always used to go away with friends and loved it as kids, as far as I know parents etc all got on fine! Never done as an adult though but would assume as long as ground rules re food or shared time or babysitting Rota if ur kids are young are all agreed in advance I am sure you will have s great time

CloudsAndTrees · 10/07/2013 17:26

You will all get on if you can agree ground rules before you go. That way, there is no room for confusion or misunderstanding, and everyone knows what is expected of them.

If you can, have an adult only get together to discuss rules for the dc, even little things like whether ice cream will be allowed every day has potential to cause problems if two families disagree. Then when you have got everything clear with the adults, get all the children together and get them to agree before you go, including anything that is important to them, like sharing toys or not,

HappyDoll · 10/07/2013 17:29

Very brave, I've never dared but I know plenty that have...including the families that discovered on day 2 that the 'organising family' had not actually paid a penny towards the fortnight in Portugal, they had just told everyone else it was that bit more expensive ! The following 12 days were a right laugh!

But I'm sure you'll all be fine

eurozammo · 10/07/2013 17:31

What are you worried about?

HappyDoll · 10/07/2013 17:31

Yes to the ice cream thing...on day one it's a little tiff but by day 7...

CaptainSweatPants · 10/07/2013 17:33

You must have thought it was a good idea when it was booked!

Adults can sit around drinking wine
Kids will have a ball playing together

AtAmber · 10/07/2013 17:34

We went on holiday with our close friends and their ds 10 years ago. We stayed in a villa. We have no contact at all now due to that holiday.

Helpyourself · 10/07/2013 17:34

Are you all quite similar?
We go on holiday with 4 other families and its wonderful. However everyone is bringing up their dcs quite similarly and are prepared to live and let live over differences. We're also quite similar age wise- I reckon it would only take one chirpy new wife with a designer bikini and it'd implode.
Everyone is well off enough to not fret too much over costs and everything's pooled, so although we don't all use nappies or drink, or eat meat, we all pay the same.
I'm sure if you all like each other and are prepared to not sweat the small stuff you'll have a super time.

CaptainSweatPants · 10/07/2013 17:35

And decide on food budget
Will you all take it in turns to cook each night?
Eat out one night
Are you all similar finacially wise
Cos if someone is loaded & wants to eat caviar & drink champers each night then you're screwed

CaptainSweatPants · 10/07/2013 17:36

AtAmber expand please! What happened?!

neunundneunzigluftballons · 10/07/2013 17:37

We always have joint holidays and really enjoy them. Recently we had a break away with just our own family as the other family was not available we were metaphorically ready to kill the children after 3 days of whining, fighting and constant misbehaviour we definitely won't be having a family holiday alone again for a few years. Our older 2 do not get along and forcing them to play together is a recipe for disaster which is where the other family step in. Hope you have a blast.

WipsGlitter · 10/07/2013 17:39

Agree how bills will be split before you go.
Make it clear its ok to do things apart.
Kids treats and bedtimes could be tricky
Food prep and clearing up - rota?
Supervision of kids, if on day one you're lifeguard then you don't want to still be stuck with that on day 13.

Original poster

GiveMumABreak · 10/07/2013 17:41

Oh happydoll that Portugal story made be smile

eurozammo I guess I'm concerned that I will regret spending all that money and not just going on a family holiday (just us) grumpy husbands, squabbling kids, tired mums etc.

I think as babyhmummy and cloudsandtrees have suggested, ground rules are the key, I think possibly the first one is mummy's glass must be topped up at all times!

Different parenting styles could be one area for concern (one of the other mums is obsessively strict about early bedtimes - this could cause an issue!)

One of the mums is very controlling (she also knows the local area) and has started a bit of an itinerary already, has even made a restaurant booking (from the UK!)

I'm sure it'll be ok and I won't regret booking it (at the time of booking we were all so excited)

OP posts:

WipsGlitter · 10/07/2013 17:48

A restaurant reservation you say? Itinerary?

Run, run like the wind.

This won't end well...

Original poster

GiveMumABreak · 10/07/2013 17:48

atAmber oh wow! Please elaborate?!

Yes, splitting bills, household chores, kids treats and bedtimes seem to be the biggest areas for concern (potential areas or conflict I will look out for while topping up my glass)

Yes, captainsweatpants those are the exact reasons we were looking forward to holiday (kids playing together and adults chatting and drinking wine) and that's what I'm going to focus on,

OP posts:

Original poster

GiveMumABreak · 10/07/2013 17:50

wipsGlitter and matching outfits for all the children (like a holiday uniform).....like the vontrapp family! the outfits have been ordered (I kid you not!)

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HappyDoll · 10/07/2013 17:52

Matching outfits????? WTF???

Run girl RUN!!

HappyDoll · 10/07/2013 17:53

Seriously, how old are the kids? Mine would rather die than have to traipse around on holiday in some kind of uniform?!

farewellfigure · 10/07/2013 17:55

We've been on a few. Have a kitty and top up as necessary. One sticking point was one family blowing the kitty in the supermarket on the first day (loads of treats that no-one ate. FAR too much food). The other family were far more frugal and were a bit at how much was spent. We took it in turns to go to the supermarket so the balance was redressed somewhat. We made rough meal plans so we could plan ahead a tiny bit (not too much though as it's a holiday after all). On the last day we just ate everything that was left over in the fridge (apart from all the ice creams that had been bought on day 1).

Also you could split the holiday up into days so each family decides what to do a few times. As long as everyone is roughly in agreement.

Compromise and go with the flow. You'll probably have the best ever holiday and I'm quite jealous!

TenToWine · 10/07/2013 17:57

We go on holidays with other familiies (all very close friends) most years. However, the children are all pretty close in age. It can be anywhere between 2 and 5 families (each family having 2 or 3 children). We find it works really well. Kids amuse each other, adults have company after kids go to bed and we share the cooking etc, and we also eat out or get catering in from time to time.

We are though all very similar in our approach, and tend to be quite relaxed about routine etc on hols. We also have similar budgets.
One year another family came with us and did not enjoy it so much - they are a bit less laid back (eg wanting to do washing up immediately after dinner so probably ended up doing more of it, and wanting their DC to eat at particular times). It was fine and did not lead to any fall outs but they have chosen not to do it again which is not a problem. Some years we do a kitty and some years keep track of our own spending and even it up at the end.

Also went away with my DH's 2 siblings and their families. I expected to enjoy it as I do enjoy group holidays. I didn't, even though I get on with them. We just had different ideas about how we wanted to spend our days and we felt obliged to go along with DH's brother's suggestions as he used to live in the area when younger - bit of a nostalgic trip for him. Don't know what we will do if they suggest holidaying together again.

farewellfigure · 10/07/2013 17:57

OK I missed the bit about matching outfits. That is seriously scary.

DorisIsWaiting · 10/07/2013 18:00

Oh dear.... I feel for you.

Used to go on huge camping holidays with friends 5/6/7 families, I would love to do that now but then again...

Original poster

GiveMumABreak · 10/07/2013 18:00

Hee hee! It's not so bad, matching t shirts were bought (the little ones have been wearing theirs all week they are so excited!) my 12 year old DS gave me a [hmmmm] look, he said "I'll wear it once for a photo, but you must promise not to put it on FB!"

Yes, the itinerary is worrying....

OP posts:

culturemulcher · 10/07/2013 18:01

We've done it with one family and are about to do it again this summer. It worked last time, even though we all had v. young kids and were sleep addled.

We didn't sort out any ground rules at all before we went, and just went with the flow. I guess the other family have more disposable income, and like to cook 'proper meals' rather than -be lazy and eat out, but they're good friends and nothing was really an issue at all.

The benefits are everything you imagined when you booked - the kids entertain themselves, and you've someone to relax with when the little darlings are finally asleep.

culturemulcher · 10/07/2013 18:04

Don't forget you can also 'opt out' for an afternoon and head off with just your family for a few hours break family time.

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