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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have not enjoyed this family holiday? am i completely selfish and just an AWFUL parent?

278 replies

dirtyface · 10/07/2013 09:58

went away last week with dh and our 2 dcs aged 4 and 7

its the first time we have been away as a whole family (for various reasons) and i was really looking forward to it. but mostly it was hard work and pretty shit.

the kids are usually pretty good at home. but on holiday, they played up, fought, acted spoilt, constantly demanded things, moaned that things were "boring" , pissed about at bedtime till all hours as they were so excited, woke us up early every morning, we barely got 2 minutes together. and managed one shag the whole time so i was grumpy and irritable, as was DH. and we absolutely haemorraged money on god knows what so both of us were a bit stressed cos of that.

and most things we did were pretty boring for us as they were child focused. so i was EXHAUSTED and miserable by the time we got home and had never been so glad to be home from a holiday in all my life

is this what its like? i bet we spent two grand all in (that includes paying for the actual holiday itself). and for what?

the kids had a good time at least i might add!

sorry if i sound a massive ungrateful so and so - am prepared to be told i am Blush

OP posts:
Oblomov · 10/07/2013 16:37

I have felt your pain.
Now that ds's are older (10 & 5) it is easier. It gets easier with age. Not mine, I hasen to add.

We now do glamping. ds's play in park, ride around on their bikes. Dh and I sit and drink cups of tea. Then followed by glasses of wine.

I do remember the days of Ibiza, when 1 and 5/6 were a totally different experience !!

KobayashiMaru · 10/07/2013 16:42

I don't get all the misery and moaning. If you don't like holidaying with your children, don't do it. But don't insist that its just the way it is with small kids, because its really not for all of us. I've got several small children and have wonderful holidays that they and we both enjoy a lot.

MarshaBrady · 10/07/2013 16:49

What type of holiday do you do Kobashayi?

MarshaBrady · 10/07/2013 16:51

Kobayashi I mean.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/07/2013 16:51

mrsrobert that is my view, unless we are just going away for a night or two to see/do something specific in which case I don't mind.

We have a lovely house with nice things and I refuse to go and stay somewhere manky.

KobayashiMaru · 10/07/2013 16:53

keycamp style usually, though it can vary a bit. We have a great time, its the highlight of my year.

Harryhairypig · 10/07/2013 16:58

Yanbu, my kids fight like sods on holiday, well all the time but worse on holiday as they only have each other, DH gets stressed going away anyway and then nit picks at them which makes them worse, I get pissed off with DH as he contributes to the holiday being difficult. BUT I love holidays and going new places, and beaches, so we muddle through. But I now realise camping was probably hard work for my parents, not the endless days of relaxing fun I Remember as a child! The best holidays we have are at Centerparcs (lots of other kids there being naughty too) or with other people along as that helps reduce the kids fighting as they have someone else to be with, and DH and I have to be nicer to each other. So how you feel is normal, some children behave better on holiday than others, and it spoils it when they are a pita because of the change in routine. Mine would never go to kids clubs or make freinds either. I feel a whole lot better after reading this thread and am no longer worrying about the forthcoming summer holiday as know so many other people have felt like me, when all my freinds seem to have had lovely holidays. We haven't flown yet specifically because of the kids behaviour as well, am hoping to do so next year now they are older though. You are to alone, but don't give up!

Harryhairypig · 10/07/2013 16:58

*not alone

valiumredhead · 10/07/2013 17:16

Holidays are massively stressful, you come back feeling like you need another holiday to get over the one you've just hadGrin

We buy into all these adds we see on the Telly of people relaxing while the kids play happily-it's all bollox !

KobayashiMaru · 10/07/2013 17:21

its not though, thats my point. What is it with the inability to appreciate that others may have a different experience than you? It's really arrogant.

Bonsoir · 10/07/2013 17:22

We have had lots of successful holidays with DC. However, we always go to places with both a pool and a beach and not too many people and we eat out a lot. We go to places where we can cycle and go on boats as that is always novel and fun for we city dwellers.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/07/2013 17:30

valium - it really isn't bollocks. DH and I relax plenty on holiday with our young children.

It is to do with mindset, how well behaved your kids are and what type of setting you choose.

motherinferior · 10/07/2013 17:32

I suppose the thing is that most domesticity, and many things to do with small children, are profoundly wearing and quite tedious. So a holiday - which is supposed to be a break from day to day tedium - kind of highlights this fact.

cory · 10/07/2013 17:34

valium, some people are even able to relax whilst playing with their children!

in fact one of the best days out I've ever had was taking ds to play Robin Hood in a half local wood: he played Robin and I played all the other characters. I do a most convincing Friar Tuck, I do Grin.

curryeater · 10/07/2013 17:36

Exactly, motherinferior.
When you look after littlies you are not thinking big picture - helping them choose courses, or negotiate school or relationships. Equally you are likely to have put off any big projects of your own, like major house stuff or big work projects, esp if on mat leave. So there is nothing to drop. You are feeding, clothing, and arsewiping, and none of that goes away - it gets harder. With older ones, yes there is big picture stuff in your lives and you can shelve it while on holiday. I hope.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/07/2013 17:41

curry it doesn't get harder! It gets easier because someone else is doing the cooking, you haven't got to do any housework - and you are all together and enjoying doing interesting things.

I'm really slightly Confused that people are unable to comprehend that some of us do enjoy our holidays with our young DCs.

I can see that if your idea of a holiday is just lolling about doing bugger all then you can't have that kind of holiday with children, but I've never liked doing that even pre-DCs.

BeaWheesht · 10/07/2013 17:42

I am most definitely not a chilled out, earth mother, non stressy mother but I'm really shocked by this thread.

We've been away quite a few times with ds since he was a baby (now 6) and dd (almost 3) and te only time it's been awful is when ds was ill the entire week.

We've done self catering lodges // caravans mainly which reduces the stress I think but have also done train from Scotland to France and then a disney hotel - the kids are it all as an adventure and tbh we just go along with it. Yes, it's mainly focused on the kids but that's ok because it's the only time we really get just us 4.

valiumredhead · 10/07/2013 17:43

Oh please, my post was tongue in cheek,I thought the smiley face made that clear. I can relax just fine with my older child but it was 'same old shit different walls' when he was little.

EDMNWiganSalfordandBlackpool · 10/07/2013 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarshaBrady · 10/07/2013 17:53

A holiday with my older ds is very easy. And the three year old is getting better.

But when he was two I do remember quite a bit of trailing to make sure he didn't fall off a rock or off a ledge into a swimming pool.

It was quite good still.

ubik · 10/07/2013 18:02

I have to say, DP and I would probably choose a lovely room in Oia, Santorini; eat in lovely restaurants, swim off the rocks, laze by the pool

Sigh

bakingaddict · 10/07/2013 18:09

Each year I do a mixture of AI and UK holiday cottage and I've never had a problem with my DC (5 and 2). Kids go to bed when they are tired and I've never had to put them in kids club. I might be a bit weird but I think to myself, I've come on holiday so I want to enjoy their company.

Of a day it's pool and beach and pottering around local markets and after dinner we go for a walk along the seafront and then back to sit in the bar and let the kids have some fun at baby disco. My DS usually ends up making friends with other kids even if they cant speak each others language. By 10pm they are usually flagging so we take them back to the room. Me and DH might then sit on the balcony with a glass of wine which we've bought from the local supermarket.

If we are in a holiday cottage we do a mixture of eating out or meals at home. Whoever prepares the evening meal, the other must clean the kitchen afterwards. Setting firm rules about who is doing what is the key when staying in a cottage. I don't understand why some mums get left with cooking and cleaning 24/7 when on holiday

yamsareyammy · 10/07/2013 18:09

I feel the need to say that some of the posters on here who enjoy the holidays with dc the most, are the ones who have more money than others. according to posts I have read on MN!

redwellybluewelly · 10/07/2013 18:10

We went away when DD1 was about 19months or so and we nearly divorced over the course if that week it was that bad. In fact it was worse.

Part of the issue was DH expecting to 'be on holiday' and basically checking out of any kind of domestic chores or parenting during the week and getting unpleasant and obnoxious about anything at all dd did like not sleeping or needing entertaining.

The sheer effort to organise us all for a self catering cottage with DH doing utterly nothing beforehand was a herculean task. Ive refused to do it again until children are both regularly sleeping through and potty trained. End of.

chillybits · 10/07/2013 18:17

yamsareyammy - I fall into that category and actually agree you're right in my case. My chilled out relaxed schedule relies on hot sunny holiday where going the beach and pool are a given. Holidays in the Uk with unreliable (crap) weather are a different kettle of fish altogether. Caravans would make twitchy and camping send me into a nervous breakdown but then I always hated those things, there are plenty of people who love that type of holiday though.