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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have not enjoyed this family holiday? am i completely selfish and just an AWFUL parent?

278 replies

dirtyface · 10/07/2013 09:58

went away last week with dh and our 2 dcs aged 4 and 7

its the first time we have been away as a whole family (for various reasons) and i was really looking forward to it. but mostly it was hard work and pretty shit.

the kids are usually pretty good at home. but on holiday, they played up, fought, acted spoilt, constantly demanded things, moaned that things were "boring" , pissed about at bedtime till all hours as they were so excited, woke us up early every morning, we barely got 2 minutes together. and managed one shag the whole time so i was grumpy and irritable, as was DH. and we absolutely haemorraged money on god knows what so both of us were a bit stressed cos of that.

and most things we did were pretty boring for us as they were child focused. so i was EXHAUSTED and miserable by the time we got home and had never been so glad to be home from a holiday in all my life

is this what its like? i bet we spent two grand all in (that includes paying for the actual holiday itself). and for what?

the kids had a good time at least i might add!

sorry if i sound a massive ungrateful so and so - am prepared to be told i am Blush

OP posts:
KobayashiMaru · 10/07/2013 18:58

In your opinion, a mothers. You're not stating facts, its not true that we all need to get rid of our kids in holiday to have a good time.

BarnYardCow · 10/07/2013 18:58

Sounds normal for a holiday with young children, also, you put so much effort in and the anticipation of it all being fantastic like a centre parcs advert can leave you a little bit disappointed!

RestingUnderTheSun · 10/07/2013 18:59

Oh yes cory I've been away with the dcs from a few months old 4 months with dc1 to a wedding in France and 3 months with dc2 to see family and my parents.

In some ways, having a baby so little was more restful than with a toddler. Plenty of time to rest/lounge around read whilst baby has a nap and no massive housework/shopping etc... that you feel you have to do when you are at home

cory · 10/07/2013 19:00

Reading this thread I am wondering if the big difference is not perhaps so much the quality of accommodation or the quality of the flight but the quality of the accompanying dh.

It had never occurred to me that being on holiday with dh might mean as much work as being a SAHM when he was at work for the rest of the year: surely if he is there, he does half the work?

Hullygully · 10/07/2013 19:00

Most people on this thread sound like they just don't like their dc very much!

KobayashiMaru · 10/07/2013 19:02

More than half, if you're lucky cory, all that bumwiping and bathing that they miss at home, perfect timing to do it on holiday! Meanwhile you're on the deck/balcony with an aperitif....;)

MarshaBrady · 10/07/2013 19:03

I don't mind mine. But I don't think we've cracked the perfect set up.

Maybe it is villa, pool and beach and no driving.

RestingUnderTheSun · 10/07/2013 19:04

Hully I don't agree there. I think it's more about expectations (hols = being able to relax and do nothing as it was pre children) and the very very strong wish/need for a rest.

For me a hols is about changing scenery, routine and being able to forget about all the HW/shopping/class stuff/work taht needs to be done. Switching off from all that, except from the dcs. I actually found these are the times when I can have better quality time with them than when I am at home.

thebody · 10/07/2013 19:06

Some of the posts are hilarious here especially the nanny one.

You don't need money to throw at your kids to make you enjoy them! Or make them like you! Or go to impressive holiday destinations to 'educate' the sprogs!!

You just need time together doing just stuff. Playing board games, digging in the sand, making sea defences, beach cricket/ footi, swimming in a cold sea( honest kids DON'T NEED wet suits here. Catching fish/ crabs in the rock pools,

Big picnic, walks, chats, make up stories and get them to join in.

Tea bath bed. Open wine and relax.

What's not to like.

thebody · 10/07/2013 19:08

Agree Hully,, if you want child free holidays and lifestyle why have children really?

dreamingbohemian · 10/07/2013 19:09

I'm sure everyone on here likes their kids just fine.

It's just, as Marsha says, everyone needs to crack their own individual setup, what works for you won't work for me.

At the moment, bungalow on a French rural campsite works great for us. I'm sure some of you would hate it and that's fine. I wouldn't judge your whole relationship with your kids just because you got stuck in a rotten setup for a week and didn't enjoy it. Yeesh.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/07/2013 19:09

Part of the issue was DH expecting to 'be on holiday' and basically checking out of any kind of domestic chores or parenting during the week and getting unpleasant and obnoxious about anything at all dd did like not sleeping or needing entertaining

Well in that case you are taking the main reason that you didn't enjoy your holiday with you. Maybe rather than moaning about your children you should be moaning about your husband?

DH really takes over with ours while we're away, and the whole thing is very much a 50/50 effort.

curryeater · 10/07/2013 19:15

Harrassing and gloating over women with domestically inert husbands is mean, complacent victim blaming.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/07/2013 19:16
Confused
cory · 10/07/2013 19:17

It's not harrassing and gloating, curryeater; merely pointing out that it is not fair to blame the presence of the children for the shortcomings of the husband.

LtEveDallas · 10/07/2013 19:20

I'm not sure that money is the issue either. OP says she thinks she spent £2k. Our holiday last year was 2700 and that was it, no extras. We took 200 for tips/nick naks, but didnt spend anything other than that. I think £3k is quite reasonable for 2 weeks with all those facilities.

Holiday Villages are dearer, although Tunisa was quite cheap when we went, but there really is loads going on so it's very hard to be bored. I'm lucky I suppose that DD is very outgoing so wants to be involved in everything. I'd be exhausted if I was trying to do it all with her on my own!

We do cheap as well mind. We have a caravan on the SW coast that we spend time at. We do a lot there for free (when the weather is good), but it can be expensive trying to do trips/fairs/farms and so on, sometimes just sitting in the beach or exploring the dunes is all we can afford.

FacebookAnonymous · 10/07/2013 19:20

'Reading this thread I am wondering if the big difference is not perhaps so much the quality of accommodation or the quality of the flight but the quality of the accompanying dh.'

Yeah cos heaven forbid any single mothers should take their kids on holiday....

MarshaBrady · 10/07/2013 19:24

I was joking on the nanny one (for us anyway). Although I know many that do it.

The resort one was quite good but we would prefer not to be so stuck in one place.

Plus we saw the same people nearly every day. Prefer to explore a bit more.

cory · 10/07/2013 19:25

Facebook, obviously I was referring to those many posts where it was clear that there was an accompanying dh.

I have travelled alone with dc too. Perfectly doable. In fact, I imagine it is a lot easier than with an unhelpful adult in tow.

MarshaBrady · 10/07/2013 19:25

The villa was quite good but the beach wasn't great.

We just need to find that perfect spot and stick to it.

EdvardMonsterMunch · 10/07/2013 19:27

At one stage in our lives' we went on holiday with 4 DCs under the age of 10.......choresville.
We went to the coast so everyday was sea and sand.
We tried to take it in turns to watch out for the kids, mission impossible.
No relaxation for us but a great time was had by kids!
Things seemed to settle down when youngest was about 4 and eldest 14.
They seemed to get along (bar the inevitable fighting) and we could finally relax.
So...........just 14 years to wait for that stress free holiday we all deserve after working at the coal face all year!!
(Then you get to a point when there's only 1 DC on holiday with you and it's kinda sad)

RestingUnderTheSun · 10/07/2013 19:28

Facebook, but why should a woman be dealing with the dcs on her own when her DH is there and could help though? Confused

It doesn't mean that single mothers can't go away and have a lovely hols with their dcs. More that it is very frustrating for someone to still be doing the bulk of the work whilst her partner is in effect enjoying his 'child free, before dcs style' holiday.
Now that would piss me off and would destroy my enjoyment of the hols, even if I would have done exactly the same, had I being on my own.

thefirstmrsrochester · 10/07/2013 19:31

Part of the issue was DH expecting to 'be on holiday' and basically checking out of any kind of domestic chores or parenting during the week and getting unpleasant and obnoxious about anything at all dd did like not sleeping or needing entertaining

^ ^

This

Kat101 · 10/07/2013 19:52

Passthetwiglets us too. It seems the later my kids go to bed, the earlier they wake up. Then we're faced with overtired moaning and the younger ones collapse and have an afternoon nap while we watch the older ones. And repeat, every day for a week.

I do like the idea of these children who go to bed later and have a lie in Envy

ubik · 10/07/2013 19:56

I can also understand that if you are both exhausted before the holiday, time alone for relaxation becomes very precious. DP and I were ill with exhaustion before we went away and were fortunate our holiday was relaxing.

I have to admit though that DD3 was left to float about in the pool, with arm bands and a rubber ring, but she seemed quite happy chuntering away to herself