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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have not enjoyed this family holiday? am i completely selfish and just an AWFUL parent?

278 replies

dirtyface · 10/07/2013 09:58

went away last week with dh and our 2 dcs aged 4 and 7

its the first time we have been away as a whole family (for various reasons) and i was really looking forward to it. but mostly it was hard work and pretty shit.

the kids are usually pretty good at home. but on holiday, they played up, fought, acted spoilt, constantly demanded things, moaned that things were "boring" , pissed about at bedtime till all hours as they were so excited, woke us up early every morning, we barely got 2 minutes together. and managed one shag the whole time so i was grumpy and irritable, as was DH. and we absolutely haemorraged money on god knows what so both of us were a bit stressed cos of that.

and most things we did were pretty boring for us as they were child focused. so i was EXHAUSTED and miserable by the time we got home and had never been so glad to be home from a holiday in all my life

is this what its like? i bet we spent two grand all in (that includes paying for the actual holiday itself). and for what?

the kids had a good time at least i might add!

sorry if i sound a massive ungrateful so and so - am prepared to be told i am Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
dirtyface · 10/07/2013 20:33

sorry, he is not that bad Blush

he did do quite a bit to be fair. ie he made the dcs breakfast every day, and tidied up when needed.

just not as much as i would have liked / expected. am a SAHM mainly (do a few hours pt work) so the dcs are basically my FT job

yet it was still me who had to do the bathing of them, the dressing of them, their hair, the cleaning of their teeth every morning and evening. plus we ate in about 4 nights i think and he only cooked once and that was pizza and chips Angry

hmmm maybe i need yet another new dh ;)

OP posts:
MrsRambo · 10/07/2013 20:58

YANBU.

I remember picking up a copy of the Sunday Times, or whatever weekend supplement Giles Coren was writing for at the time and nearly spitting out the wine I was necking to anesthetize those rookie "first holiday with a baby' pains . There he was writing about how they were taking their nanny with them on baby Coren's first ever holiday to Cornwall because you know, otherwise it's just the same old drudge but at a different postcode.

"We need a holiday nanny" I sobbed to DH, whilst he was trying to peg a spare duvet we found in the airing cupboard up on to the curtain rail in DD's room in a bid to try and cut out some light and get her to sleep past 5.00AM....

I still dream of that holiday nanny!

Wishihadabs · 10/07/2013 21:02

TBH I have given up self catering (unless camping then it's a bbq which is DH's responsibility). Last year we went half board to Crete and it was wonderful. No meal planning, no shopping just spending g time as family. I am surprised your dcs are so old I agree going away with a 1&3 year old would be stressful, ours were 5&8 last year and we had a great time. What is this bathing and hairwashing of which you speak? I really don't bother. They are in and out of the pool all day anyway....

KobayashiMaru · 10/07/2013 21:03

It's not victim blaming, fgs. Hmm
If you lie down and stamp doormat on your face, people are going to walk on you. Lets not insult women by pretending we have nothing to do with how the men in our lives treat us, ok?

KatyTheCleaningLady · 10/07/2013 21:10

This is why I'm going away by myself for a few days.

I will take each child for a weekend of "love bombing" in August. Then, in the autumn, my husband and I are going to Italy.

But there will not be a whole family holiday. Maybe a night or two camping, but never again will we go to a holiday park.

TVTonight · 10/07/2013 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody · 10/07/2013 21:16

A holiday nanny?? what a bloody sad phrase.

stella1w · 10/07/2013 21:17

I did a week with dc 5 and nearly 2 and it was horrible and exhausting, mainly because of the 2 yo. Up side is that now i don't feel bad about not taking the kids away. From now on until the 2 yo grows up a bit, it's day trips only.

thebody · 10/07/2013 21:21

Stella, why was it horrible? Exhausting agree but horrible?

CocktailQueen · 10/07/2013 21:23

I love our holidays! Sorry you had a crap time though OP.

We take it in turns to choose a day's activity (kids are 6 and 9) so we all get to choose something. We stay in self catering cottages and order a big Tesco order so we have nice food and wine, and have lunches out. The kids are old enough to get up and play with ipad, watch tv, read or play by themselves before brekky. They can also get snacks for themselves and can tell the time! Makes a big difference.

We also make sure we hire a gite with a garden where the kids can play. We do lots of free stuff too - beaches, walks, NT houses (we're members) - kids love all that and so do I

I do NOT camp and I do NOT go on hotel holidays with kids. One exception was Bedruthan Sands when dd was 1 and I adored it, Absolutely wonderful, relaxing holiday. Kids catered for, playparks and pools, kids' tea, soft play, kids' listening service at night so we could dress up and dine in peace. Loved it. Except every time we went one of us got a sick bug Confused Maybe that could be an option for you, OP?

Fillybuster · 10/07/2013 21:26

Cory - we never ever ever go away with other families, because we enjoy our own company and family unit. But (a bit like Carlsberg....!) if we did go away with another family, I think we'd be happy being on holiday with yours!

motherinferior · 10/07/2013 21:30

Having kids is tough enough without having to enjoy it tooGrin

thebody · 10/07/2013 21:40

Just feel so sad at some of these posts.

My childhood was filled with domestic strife but remember my parents being totally different people as we got in the M5 and they made our holidays fantastic.

Hated the journey home as they were sad and back to normal.

Dh's parents had 5 kids and no car so went by train. Dfil was a butcher so couldn't get away till the Sunday so he brought all the luggage while dmil went down with all kids in the Saturday.

Holidays count. Kids love them. They deserve to actually.

JoJoCK · 10/07/2013 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoJoCK · 10/07/2013 21:45

Sorry OP, have asked mumsnet to remove my last post, am way too tired and clearly not responding to you!

WorrySighWorrySigh · 10/07/2013 21:54

I think that the person who observed that this was OP's first family holiday has hit the nail on the head. IMO the first one is hard. You dont know what to expect and end up hoping for perfection.

Our first family holiday was camping in France when DD1 was not quite walking. I remember we said to each other 'it will be easier next year'.

And it was. And it has been each year since.

We had our last family holiday last year. This year we will be going away with just one DC. The older 2 are staying at home.

Arcticwaffle · 10/07/2013 22:01

Some of our best holidays have been camping (in a tent, not a campervan). When the sun shines and it all goes well it's lovely, the dc frolic merrily in streams etc looking like a grubby version of a Boden catalogue. And if it's grim and tiring or wet, at least you haven't spent a fortune, and you can just go home early.

We've had some good holidays, and some hard ones, and many that are up and down. But they've all involved quite a shift in expectations of what a holiday is from pre-dc.

stella1w · 10/07/2013 22:06

Horrible because exhausting keeping dc2 safe.

fishandlilacs · 10/07/2013 22:09

go camping with friends who also have kids, that helps.

LostLion · 10/07/2013 22:13

I like holidays with the kids....but it does take a total revamp of ones expectations.

I wouldn't be so hard on the OP - its her first kick at the can. Going on holiday with kids is nothing like those pre-children vacations. It can be a bit of a shock to the system.

I remember the first time DH and I took DS1 on holiday. It was with some childless friends...you know, my friends who didn't start their day at 6:00am, go to bed before 10pm and spend every free moment heading off the park or entertaining their toddler in the non-childproof vacation rental. It put in sharp relief how much our lives had changed to say the least.

Groovee · 10/07/2013 22:15

I'm finding holidaying with my 13 year old testing!!! She's been warned we wouldn't be shopping every day. We went to one place but she's googled the flaming other one and wants to go there instead! We've just had a huge row. Ds got his way and dh has taken him to the park while dd sits in a huff in her room, and I'm by the pool. She got her time in fecking Hollister last week and was told it was the one off trip there!!!! Ungrateful madam. Next year it's a holiday at home again!

superstarheartbreaker · 10/07/2013 22:36

Last year I took a then 4 year old dd to Menorca and it was the most relaxed I have ever been with her. The reason why? It was too bloody hot to do anything! She couldn't race around and she spent most of the time in the swimming pool making friends whilst I lounged by the pool. It's the way to go I tell you. Better still if said resort has kids' club. Worth every penny.
It cost me a grand for 10 days for 2 of us including flights. But I do agree if it isn't at least 30 degrees in the sahde then the kids are too inclined to race around. I miss my adventure travel days when I could do cultural things and hiking rather than kiddy clubs and 'fun' activities. Sigh.

superstarheartbreaker · 10/07/2013 22:37

shade

Wishihadabs · 10/07/2013 22:40

Meant to say it also depends on how much time you get to spend together during "normal" life. I am frequently outfromm 7-7 or DH is. So just having 3meals a day together is a treat.

Wishihadabs · 10/07/2013 22:41

Also no homework, no school run, no work emails.