to have not enjoyed this family holiday? am i completely selfish and just an AWFUL parent?

[dirtyface]

went away last week with dh and our 2 dcs aged 4 and 7

its the first time we have been away as a whole family (for various reasons) and i was really looking forward to it. but mostly it was hard work and pretty shit.

the kids are usually pretty good at home. but on holiday, they played up, fought, acted spoilt, constantly demanded things, moaned that things were "boring" , pissed about at bedtime till all hours as they were so excited, woke us up early every morning, we barely got 2 minutes together. and managed one shag the whole time so i was grumpy and irritable, as was DH. and we absolutely haemorraged money on god knows what so both of us were a bit stressed cos of that.

and most things we did were pretty boring for us as they were child focused. so i was EXHAUSTED and miserable by the time we got home and had never been so glad to be home from a holiday in all my life

is this what its like? i bet we spent two grand all in (that includes paying for the actual holiday itself). and for what?

the kids had a good time at least i might add!

sorry if i sound a massive ungrateful so and so - am prepared to be told i am

Haven't really done this yet as my dd is too young but I would warn anyone against doing what my dad did to us as kids which was basically to over schedule with ludicrously unrealistic sightseeing trips. When my sister and I were about 9 and 6 on a holiday in Greece he forced us into a Fiay 125 (a car barely bigger than a pushchair) to do a 700 mile round trip to look at some ancient ruins.

Think he thought we would appreciate it when older but actually I have never forgiven him for that.

I disagree that primary school age is the easiest. Mine are now teenagers and I have found holidays with them get easier the older they get as they're both fairly active so now happy to do walking/ cycling/ snorkling/ visiting old ruins/ cycling round nice pubs in bruges/ eating different food/ visiting vineyards/ museums/ trekking in Iceland/ snowboarding/ going to concerts.
The beach obsession age was harder for us.

Come on you lot! Do you know what (most of) you sound like?!

I absolutely love out family holidays and always have done. We?re heading to Norfolk for two weeks camping in August and I absolutely cannot wait! We?re going with friends too (first time though!) and I just can?t see how we won?t all have a fab time. Yes, we?ll spend most of the time with the kids, doing kids stuff but hey, doesn?t that come with the territory when you have kids?

I?m not one of these parents who never leave my kids side but spending two whole weeks with them and OH doing things completely different from at home can only be a good thing. Pottering round at any old time, eating out, drinking in the day, not answering to anyone? Fab!!!

I find it really sad that so many of you hate going on family holidays. What do you actually want from your holiday then bearing in mind your kids will no doubt be there too?

Soup very sure :) We are going away with them in a couple of weeks, huge excitement all round.

We used to self-cater a lot, they liked to be in the middle of nowhere! We would eat out one night, bbq in the gitê the next, so there was much less cooking etc than normal.

She (and Dad) loved showing us new places and teaching us new things, but they were nearly always things that they wanted to see as well.

Camper-vanning, now that is a FAB holiday with kids! (Once you have learnt how to....)

Lots of great suggestions here.

We have done NCT house swaps when DS was younger and found them very good. House doesn't necessarily have to be in a desirable area, we have been to a couple of not so glamorous locations to visit friends.

It is a pita cleaning the house to the standard that you would happily have strangers everywhere and our less successful swaps have involved demanding nocturnal swaps and a family who left their grown up son in the house for 2 nights ( actually that was the same one). But it is free, which helps to manage expectations enormously and means that you can justify splashing out on activities and nice food.

Also been away with friends, that has worked well, with DCs entertaining themselves and lots of wine being drunk in the evening . Be sure though that each family has separate cars and that you plan to do different things sometimes - we have been away with one family and shared a car and that was less successful.

Oh and I find that on UK holidays we tend to spend more in the daytime than we would abroad. If you have a nice pool, other children there and it's warm then there is little incentive to go and do anything else and food is usually bbqs, but in UK then lots of time spent wandering round going to tea shops to keep warm ( tea and cakes always ludicrously expensive) and buying DS tat to stop him whinging.

You need to drink more gin on holiday.

Oh another tip - do not share a bedroom with your DC unless you absolutely have to.

We tend to do s/c or an apartment on a complex so we aren't in the same bedroom. I find it hideously unrelaxing to be all cramped in the same room and it makes adult pursuits practically impossible.

We loved staying in hotels when we were young
Parents in one room, us 3 kids in another
They're was a games room with a space invader machine
played endless pool in the games room too

I agree with the poster who said grandparents are they key. And/or Aunties, friends, any spare adults really. We only do big extended family/friends holidays, then you really do get to have some breaks as well as time together. I can see nuclear family holidays being hard work when kids are young.

Cory - what you say ties in really well with the recent discussion on here about introvert/extrovert. An introvert gets their energy and recharges by being alone. So they would probably want the kind of holiday where you can just sit around on a beach, pool etc and relax. Very hard to do with young kids. An extrovert likes the interaction and gets energised though that. My idea of hell is sitting quietly so I enjoy family holidays where we get out and about, sightsee, go for walks together etc. easier with young kids.

I usually find myself hating DP quite a lot halfway through a holiday. The kids are OK though.

Oh, I always thought I was an introvert, Wiifitmamma. As in not requiring to socialise with lots of new people all the time. Just the four of us and a few adventures thrown in suits me fine. I have also been very happy holidaying on my own- as long as I get to be active and see things.

But a drinking holiday with girlie friends would be my idea of absolute hell.

But why do you 'need a break' from your kids?

Ffs most families struggle to spend time together as a unit most of the year.

Family holidays are bloody ace, it doesn't matter if its a caravan in Wales or a 5 star in Cyorus. It's what you bring to it that matters.

I have great memories of me and dh reading Harry potter and goblet of fire to our now grown lads while cuddling dd3 and bf dd4.

Store up happy holiday for your kids. They won't want to holiday with you for always. Those bucket and spade days go so fast and your kids will remember you either a sour faced bugger who actually doesn't 'do' the family holiday or a mad bugger building castles and splashing then in the sea.

Their memories are your choice.

I love our family holidays (3dcs, aged 3, 5 and 8) and am on total countdown until we go away at the end of the month...

But you do need to 'manage' your expectations. Not so much revise downwards, as just know what reality will look like.

So, for me, that means I prefer to be self-catering, rather than in a hotel, not because my dcs won't behave (they will) but because we enjoy slow mornings and breakfast in pjs; self-catering means we have the option to take picnic lunches to keep costs down, and (best of all) means I can give the kids a light, quick, easy supper (grilled fish, omelette, pasta...) that I know they will enjoy, after a quick bath (and back in their pjs!) after a long, tiring day on the beath or sight-seeing.

Yes, it means I have to do all the 'heavy lifting' on the cooking front, but it leads to a generally happier, easier (and more relaxed) life all round.

In the same way, we will fill our days with a mixture of beach visits, local town (mooching), some proper trips out to the local area...but the dcs know we're all on holiday (not just them) and dh and I get a say in what we do, too.

To be fair, we'll never be 'left alone' on the beach but dh and I will take it in turns to build sandcastles, collect shells, go swimming in the sea, and the other one will lie back and enjoy 30 mins quiet time....

But back to expectations for one moment: I started enjoying family holidays so much more once I decided that what I wanted to get out of the holiday was lots of time with my dcs, rather than escaping from them.....(although that could also be good.... )....but by resetting my aims, I suddenly found I could have a lot more fun.

If it doesn't work for you, though, OP, then save your money and just don't do it :)

Cory, totally agree re girls holiday/ lads holiday.

Past age of inbetweeners just a bit blah!

I love family holidays, but you fist have to accept that holidays with kids are very, very different to holidays with friends or as a couple.

We always go to a hotel where I know there will be heaps of kids and all the entertainment certainly during the day is geared toward the kids. There's loads of gun to be had chatting with the mums in the kids pool whilst you sip a fully loaded cool drink.

I also take toys from home. Lego, Thomas trains, Playmobil are like honey to kids. DS always has loads of fun and once the kids have connected over these toys they'll play for hours. It's worth sacrificing luggage space for the benefits these bring.

Finally YY to dumping bedtime and immediately move to holiday time. Late dinners, late bedtimes and long lay ins.

4 more sleeps for me!

Take your mum (if you like her!!)

She'll give you peace with your husband, she'll help you when you dh is away, and she'll come with you to explore when dh has the kids!!

I love my mum!!

Totally agree with thebody about building memories. We still talk about our holidays with DCs.

My personal tips:

• slow down
• the only thing you have to try to aim for is that everyone has had enough to eat and drink
• getting dressed is optional

Good post 'thebody'

I can be a miserable cow on holiday,trudging round themeparks and pining after previous debauched holidays in Ibiza. I am definitely going to readjust my expectations this year, particularly as DP's parents are coming with us.

I do like Expat's suggestion of gin though, I think that might help!

YANBU if you didn't enjoy your holiday.

But I loved our family holiday this year. We had a week in a caravan in Devon. Two DS's 7 & 4.

I said to DH half way through that it had been the easiest holiday for a long time. DS2 just seemed more easy going, we had no pushchair and extra paraphernalia to take.

The weather was nice, the kids played nicely, we were able to go to the beach and I was able to relax as DS2 has calmed down a lot.

We took them to the adventure playground every night where they made friends and played Nicely whilst we enjoyed a beer and a chat.

We go to the same area every year which I'm sure helps the kids feel settled and we know where everything is. I've been going to the same campsite since I was 5 so it feels like home. Which I'm sure adds to the relaxing nature of our holidays.

Looking forward to our October half term holiday now. Which I always enjoy too.

I agree it's largely about expectations.

Last year we took our twins to Cornwall at about 9mo. It was a gorgeous hotel we'd been to pre-children, and we knew it was 'child friendly' and familiar territory so thought it would be a good choice. Actaully it was quite hard because we were sort of reminded all the time of the stuff we couldn't do with two babies and it was hard not to compare it to previous holidays with trips the chance to go surfing and drink cider in the afternoons. Also the weather wasn't too great, although we did have some lovely evening meals with the baby monitor on, so shoot me now.

This year we went to a similarly child friendly hotel abroad, and although it was much harder in some ways in terms of the kids needing much more entertainment, it was also much better because it was they type of holiday we have never done before - all about the hotel, stayed there virtually all week, mooching between pool, beach and cafe. Lovely. Also the baby-related jobs had shifted from mixing feeds and washing bottles, which obviously we still had to do in the hotel room last year, to clearing up fish fingers in the restaurant, which the staff and feral cats were very happy to do. Would go back in a heart beat.

My memories of family holidays are unremittingly horrible. Especially the year my father drove us all to what was then Yugoslavia. I expect I'm supposed to remember it goldenly. I was bored, homesick, bored, bored bored.

And now, as an adult, my children are bored by what I want to do. Maybe you have lovely informed offspring who enjoy looking round cathedrals - or a way of Making Cathedrals Fun. I don't. I do quite enjoy holidays but I would enjoy them even more, I suspect, all on my own.

Yes I agree take toys from home.
Whilst we are there We also visit a toy shop in a nearby seaside town - a big treat and hours of new fun.

We also take it really easy and get up and dressed when we want to. Most attractions can be done in and afternoon.

Bed times are later because they are on holiday.

We alternate lie ins, but I naturally wake up earlier/ can't get back to sleep so just accept now that I get less.

And

Don't sweat the small stuff.

wow thanks for all the replies!

am glad i am not the only one who feels like this

also agree with the people who did think i was being U .... as i know i am really!

agree that it will go really quick them being this little and soon they wont want to be seen with us let alone come on holiday

also agree its about making memories for the dcs. as it was mostly DH i took my irritation out on, (i tended to grit my teeth and put on a smile for them) hopefully they will remember it as a fab holiday

i had brilliant holidays as a child. but its made me wonder how much fun my poor old mum and dad had bless em :o